She is out of my league.

S: Okay, James, talk to me.

J: I met a girl but she is out of my league, there is no way I could talk to that girl. She would not go out with me, she would reject me.

S:Okay, let's talk about that for a second. She is out of your league. Is it true?.
J: Yes, she totally is.
S: Can you absolutely know that?
J: Yes, totally.
S: Okay, how do you react when you believe that?
J: I feel small, I see myself as ugly..
S: Then what happens? do you react to that? ...
J: What do you mean?
S: I mean do you try not to feel small and ugly?
J: Yes, I try anyway, but I already know it is going to fail.
S: Okay , then when it fails what do you say to Yourself?
J: I don't know ....maybe I knew it.
S: Now, let's say that it would have "succeeded" , what would you have said to Yourself?
J:  I would have been exited.
S: So, something like << I can't believe it >>? , right?
J: Yeah, probably.
S: Let's go back to the case if it "fails" first. Then after it fails and you say to yourself, I knew it.  What do you say to yourself?
J: I don't know, just that I knew she was going to say No.
S: Do you tell yourself why it fails" how it is because , you are not as beautiful or in the same league or whatever?.....
J: Yes, I guess I say that.
S: Okay, so okay let's see a quick cycle here, you feel small, ugly, you react to that ( probably tell yourself something like man up, man ) then try anyway, then she says no.....you tell yourself ,see I knew this was going to happen..... Is it about right ?

J: Yeah  pretty much I guess.
S: So, you went talking to her with "the expectation of rejection", and then when your expectation will fulfilled you took the answer to justify your belief and prove to yourself that yes you were right, she is out of your league. Is that right?

J: When said like that, it looks like I was setting myself for failure.
S: Well, I only phrased what you are doing.
J: Yes, that is right.
S: Now, first do you see the insanity in that?
J: Yes. I see, I had already lost.
S: That is true. But also, every expectation is " a choice", "a want", " a wish". For instance, Instead of saying I expect to have 100 dollars next week , can't I say I (want or hope) to receive 100 dollars next week? wouldn't it make sense?
J: Yes, it would.
S: So, basically, you go talking to her wanting apparently wanting one thing, but in reality you are wanting 2 things which are totally opposite. You can not want something and it's opposite that's one of the definition of insanity.
S: So, how would you react if you didn't believe " she is out of my league"
J: I guess I would just talk to her and be myself.
S: Yes, and then she says what she says. And that's that. It doesn't go further than that. Since you didn't have an expectation, it simply is what it is.
J: I mean, I get that, but how can you not have an expectation, I mean mine wasn't right but shouldn't I expect to succeed?., that's what I want, isn't it?
S: Well, most people would say yes, but actually you want is for her to say what she is going to say. Meaning, you don't have an expectation,  the expectation is being in her business. First law of inquiry, stay in your own business. Therefore, as weird as it may sounds, you want her to say what she is going to say and you want you to say what you are going to say.

S: So, when you feel small instead of reacting, question your mind in the first place. So, because she is more attractive than you it means that you are ugly. Is it true?
J: No, It does not.
S: Exactly, that was your mind taking her image( that's being in her business), then taking your mental image, making a mental comparison and then saying ( I am not enough ) , that's how you feel small. First stay out of her business mentally , secondo because she is more attractive than you, it means you are not enough , Is it true?
J: No. That's not true.  she is simply more attractive than me, that's all. I never fully realized that I was doing the mental comparison.
S: Well, that's the only way to feel "small" , "less than", "not enough"..... So, how would you be if you didn't do mental comparison and stay in your business?
J: I wouldn't feel small, I mean I would be aware that she is cute, but that's it..I would be more myself.
S: Okay.. now let's open the next door. The second case, the other possibility. If she says Yes. You go << I can't believe it>>. Do you know what that means?
J: What?  that I am exited.
S: No, it means exactly what you said, << I can't believe it>> , it is a proof of your real belief, again show that you already had the expectation of "not succeeding". That is why you can not believe it worked.
J: Yes, that's right, I never saw it, like that.
S: Now, how would you treat her after that?, let's say she said yes, you can't believe it, now how would you treat her.
J: I would give her everything she wants.
S: So, you would try to buy her love and put her on a pedestal  !!!.
J: huh....interesting ...I have to say ...that's true, I wouldn't want her to leave, and would feel the need to do a lot so that she does not leave.
S: Exactly, to be raw, you will kiss her ass.
J: Ouch, that hurts...but yes pretty much.

S: Well, that's what happens when you put people on a pedestal. If somebody is on a pedestal somebody else has to be at the bottom of the stairs. In other word, she has to be " more than" , and you " less than". You know, every time I would find myself impressed or "look up" to somebody, or being star struck I would question what I am believing right away or right after. See, even if she would say Yes. You would still feel small. It has nothing to do with her, but all to do with your own mind. Can you see that now?

J: Yes, totally.
S: And would you like to be with somebody who is constantly kissing your ass?
J: Nah, not really, I mean at first, it's great , it's a great ego boost but pretty soon, it just gets annoying and anyway the other is never real, you feel like you can't truly connect .

S: Exactly, therefore she would dump you. See ... but of course your mind would come and say....I don't understand I did everything for her, how could she dump me? ....she is ungrateful etc...bla bla bla...and then maybe beat yourself up saying ... I knew it...I knew it was going to end....she was out of my league.....etc...bla bla bla.... ( he laughs...)
When the reason is that, she was trying to get to know YOU but never got the chance to, because you were spending too much time being fake, trying to please her ..etc....See
Being Yourself, is the only way to go, as cheesy as it sounds  JUST BE YOURSELF, is one of the greatest spiritual advice there is. We just logically demonstrated it.  As if it was a mathematical equation ...lol....that's why I love Inquiry ....I love logic.




Peace and Love and Thank you for the support.

A conversation about plastic surgery, cosmetics and the body in general.

John: What do you think about plastic surgery?.

S: Well, the cells of your body are living entities, that's just science. The thing is, most people don't fully feel the aliveness in the body. That's why they don't feel its death either.  "Implants" are dead things. As we are awakening we are becoming more and more alive, less and less dense. You know how after dissolving a story you had, you would say " I feel lighter". You are right, you are lighter, and as you awaken more and more you get lighter and lighter, less and less dense. The same thing happen to your body, your very cells get lighter and lighter. That's why I would not advice to put "dead things" inside you. Because you are doing the opposite, instead of getting less dense, you are getting more dense, more heavy, more dead. Of course, if you need to have plastic surgery to replace a Knee it is totally different, your choices are limited, I am talking about selective surgeries, things you can do without. Instead question why you believe that << you are not enough>>.

And the same thing extend to many cosmetics as well. As funny as it sounds the most expensive cosmetics are usually the most harmful to the human body. It is like people are spending more money for poison ( lol...). For instance, would you cut off the ventilation of your computer? . You probably won't, because you understand that by doing so, you would force you computer to overheat and force it to crash, to burn. Well, people do that, with face lifts and "firming creams, toning cream" etc...What those creams do is that they tighten your skin hence constricting your pores. Pores are little holes hat allow you to sweat, to ventilate, why in the world would you want to close that?.
Then they have deodorants which will stop your perspiration...again why would you want that?. Then people wonder why 10 years down the road the have skin cancer or whatever. With your body your are running a marathon not a sprint ( hopefully ..lol..). The skin is the biggest organ of your body. And what can you do to be healthy is simply sweating, letting it breathe. It is free, easy and was given to you already, no need to buy anything. Sweat, eat right, use organic cosmetics, soap, lotions etc.....and you will be fine. Instead of having a soap which dry you up, then because you are so dry after taking a shower you need to put the lotion which only moisturizes you for 1hour but actually dry you up even more ...so you need to put more. All that is done for one purpose.............supply and demands...... , it is simply humans trying to sell their goods that's all. They need you to be dried up all the time, that's how they make money. Look for organic soap, buy coconut oil for lotion ...that's not even 10 bucks together ...and you will be good. No need of face wash, body wash, shampoo, conditioner, after conditioner, face lotion, body lotion ......God ,..,.,seriously ..why all that ......seriously .... Organic soap, and coconut oil for lotion.....done. Then eat right, and sweat.
No need for all those perfumes, deodorants   etc... if you could really smell how some of those " fragrances" truly smell you would be nauseated. You would feel how toxic they truly are, it would literally hurt your lungs. To have an idea ask  pregnant women, their sense of smell is heightened, they will let you know that your " expensive brand name perfume actually smells " bad" , and is actually toxic. But they fragrance is there, otherwise they wouldn't sell, but it is just little doses of poison on your body.
The same goes for certain foods, again just awaken and you will know.
You will use a soap or a cream and it will itch..., you will use organic stuff and it will feel good, that's how you know your body doesn't like the other one anymore.
You will eat certain foods and feel heavy, groggy.... and eat others and feel light, fresh ...that's how you will know...I guess gotta let go of ....whatever...
Simple as that.




Peace and Love and Thank you for the support.

A conversation with Donald.( he just broke up with his girlfriend).

S: So, Donald, talk to me.

D: I am sad, depressed because I broke up with my girlfriend, she broke my heart. I am such an idiot, I knew we were going to break up anyway.  But it's okay, you can be sure it will never happen again, I won't let that happen again, I won't fall in love again, I won't fall in that trap again. They are not going to get me twice, nah....nah... no way, there is no way I will go through that again. No, sir, I'll close the gate, make sure I don't fall in love again. I will only bang them and disregard them. I don't want to be in a relationship ever again. I don't need to be in a relationship again, leave me alone, stay away, I don't need you in my life, get the fuck out of my life, get the fuck away.
I hate you, I hate you so much. I hate you for not living with me anymore, I hate you for taking my wholeness away, I  hate you for taking my happiness away, I hate you for taking the sex away, I hate you for not giving a fuck, I hate you being indifferent, I hate you for leaving, I hate you for abandoning me, I hate you for not being with me, next to me, I hate you for not supporting me, for not fully acknowledging me, for not loving me the way I loved you, for not seeing what I was seeing, for not seeing how whole, complete we were together. I will never love again, I will never be in Love again because of you.

( he is slightly shaking, sweating and breathing deeply..)

S: Okay, Don .. let's do this. So, Don you were an idiot for falling in Love. Is it true?
D: Yes, I was, I had the feeling that it wasn't going to last but I did it anyway.
S: Okay, so, you are only supposed to fall in Love when it is going to last. Is it true?
D: I guess not.
S: Okay, so is it true, you were an idiot to fall in love?
D: I guess, I wasn't then.
S: Okay, How do you react when you believe that you were?
D: I shut down, I decide that it is not going to happen again, that I won't let it happen again.
S: So, you become "guarded".
D: Yes.
S: You know what people call "guarded", I call "restriction" , I call " limitation" , I call " jail". Let's play with words for a second. Guarded implies 4 walls, which implies Jail.
Personally, I like to be Free, therefore I have to "drop my guards" , drop the WALLS, so I'm out of the jail.
D: That's a very good analogy, I have never seen it like that, I just thought that I was protecting myself.
S: Of course, most people don't, they forget that they are imprisoning themselves. So, how would you react if you didn't believe that you made a mistake? , what do you see?
D: I am not in " jail" anymore, it still hurts, but I take the experience for what it was, nothing more, nothing less.
S: Exactly. So, next, you are going to make sure that it never happen again. Is it true?
D: I want to say Yes, but I see that the only way to do that is to live in JAIL and I don't want to do that.
S: So, Is it true?
D: I guess, no....but saying it...is so hard , it's like I want to have my heart broken again.
S: The mind loves the opposites, let's go beyond the polarities. Saying that it will never happen is not true. Does not mean that << it will happen, is true>>.
D: No. it is not. But it's like living in a state of uncertainties, which is uneasy.
S: Be at ease with it. Life is uncertain.
D: That's right.
S: The only thing I can tell you is that now, you will know what to do with the pain or any pain for that matter, you will question it and transmute it. Be an alchemist transmute the metal into gold, suffering into wisdom.
S: So, what do you see when you believe that you will make sure that you will never get your heart broken again?.
D: I see, myself as a vagabond, I go from girls to girls , I have fun but I never take roots.
S: Is that what you want?
D: No, it is not.
S: Now, what do you see when you don't believe that anymore, when you don't believe that you will make sure it never happens again, when you live in incertitude.
D: I see possibilities, as if I have the choice....nothing is fixed.
S: Exactly, and isn't that what it means to be Human, having a choice?. Exert it? , in the previous case as you believed your mind, you didn't have a choice.
S: So, next you won't fall in love again... you won't fall into that trap....Love is a trap Is it true?
D: No, but It felt like it.
S: How do you react when you believe that Love is a trap.
D: I become suspicious, I don't trust, I expect to be stabbed in the back.
S: And that's a sad way to live isn't it?, and exhausting too..., constantly having to look over your shoulder, Gee, that's painful.
D: yes, it is.
S: furthermore, would you want to be with somebody who is constantly suspicious, not trusting . borderline paranoid?
D: Good point, I would probably distant myself from them.
S: And how do you think the other person would take that kind of behavior?
D: I don't know...
S: Well, she will probably see it as being stabbed in the back.
( he laughed...)
D: you are actually right. I didn't even see that.
S: Yes, that's how you very behavior, your very fears create your reality, the very thing you didn't want to happen, Happens...and instead of taking that in and looking at yourself and trying to learn the lesson. People usually take that as a proof to tell Themselves how they were right. Saying see, I knew I couldn't trust her, I was right to be suspicious, which would inevitably just reinforce your walls, and by doing so forcing you to transfer from a minimum security jail to a maximum security jail. When the thing to do what the exact opposite. Not more guards, but less or preferably No guards. You see the same thing happen in the world, one person have an accident and you have thousand new laws created..and slowly but surely people are more and more restricted.

D: Okay, I can see that. But just on a side note, about the world is general, I see it happen you don't suggest that we drop even the laws we already made, or do you?
S: Well, no, I mean in some instance, some laws are just useless. But all I'm saying is, no need to add more. We will have that conversation in more depth at a later date. For now, let's go back to you heartbreak. What would you see if you didn't believe that Love was a trap?
D: I would see it as a beautiful thing, it can be dangerous too, but that's life I guess.

S: Yes, it is and again, if you enter all relationships open to learn, they are not dangerous anymore, you are not in constant fear of losing it. And on another side note, if << spells or curses>> , had any reality at all , it would that. Simply " identification with thoughts" , when believing that you will not fall in love again ..... Well, you won't. Even later on, when you deem yourself ready , you would still believe "the same thing". So, it is a good thing to catch suffering as it is happening, so you don't repress it and it becomes part of your environment, with you not understanding what's happening or why something in particular seem to never work or constantly reoccur.

S: Next, so you will only bang them and disregard them. Is it true?
D: No, not if I want a real relationship again.
S: Okay, next, you hate her for not living with you anymore. Is it true?
D: I guess, I don't truly hate her for that, I miss her.
S: Yes, that was just the ego putting itself in front saying " I can't say miss" because then she wins, I have to be angry. So meaningless....waste of time, be honest with yourself.
And actually, by fully recognizing with is true, you can start healing.
D: Yes, you are right, by just saying that, I felt a lump in my throat but also felt better, as if knowing it will be okay.
S: Yes, you can heal from what  IS( your honest feelings), not from what IS NOT( the lies, the ego you put on top of it..).
S: Okay, next she took your wholeness away? Is it true?
D: Yes, I feel like it.
S: I know, most people believe that somebody else can " complete them". In truth, I am telling you, you are already complete from within, you are whole. Being in love simply remind you of being ONE. So, instead turn that around for me, on yourself.
D: I took my wholeness away ...( he said with a confused uncertain air on his face..)
S: Well, you did that, by forgetting that only you can complete you, nobody else. Or even more accurately you are already complete, whole you just need to realize it. How do you react when you believe that somebody else can take your wholeness away?
D: I deeply resent them, because now I am broken.
S: What do see when you realize that it wasn't for her or anybody to take in the first place.
D: I have a sense of " aw" , I am back to myself.
S: Yes, back in your own business mentally. Not in the next person business demanding them to complete you.
S: You hate her for taking your happiness away. Okay, she took your happiness away. Is it true?
D: Yes, she did.
S: Well, whose business is it to make you happy?
D: Hers...
S: Okay, so before you met her you didn't know happiness?
D: Well played...( he smiled ...) Okay, so It is my business to make myself happy.
S: Yes, nobody else, YOU are responsible for YOUR life. This concept that when you are in a relationship the other is suddenly responsible for your happiness is insane. It doesn't mean you don't do nice things for each other. But you don't lose yourself in the other Life, trying to please them etc.... So, what do you see when you realize that she couldn't have taken your happiness.
D: I feel a sudden sense of responsibility, there is less blame, and I look at myself more.
S: Good, back in your own business.
S: you hate her for taking the sex away. Is it true?
D: Yes, that is true.
S: Well, she hasn't taken your ability to have sex.
D: That's right, but the sex with her was great.
S: Okay, so you are mad, because you don't have sex with her anymore. How do you react when you believe that, what do you see?.
D: I see mental pictures of when we used to have sex.
S: Yes, you mentally relive it now, and actually if you have sex with somebody else you won't really have sex with the new person, but with the person in your mind. How would you be if you stepped away from those mental images a bit.
D: I would be more myself I guess.
S: Yes, and you would be able to enjoy sex with somebody else. So, turn that around for me.
D: I took sex away from me.
S: Yes, by living in those mental pictures of the past instead of living NOW.
S: Okay, she didn't give a fuck. Is it true?
D: Actually she did, she was quite considerate.
S: So, who didn't?
D: I didn't care that she did.
S: Yes, exactly. How do you see her when you see her as the person who doesn't care.
D: Mean, darkness.
S: How would you see her not believing that.
D: Just her....just her.
S: Yep, just her.
Okay , next you hate her for leaving you, you hate her for abandoning you. Okay, she abandoned you, Is it true? .
D: I guess not.
S: Yes, she simply left and you knew she was leaving. So who truly abandoned who?
D: I abandoned myself, I wasn't myself after the break up anymore.
S: Yes, Be yourself, it is your business to be yourself not hers to make you be yourself. It is nobody else business.
S: Well, the same goes for acknowledging you, seeing you etc....you are talking about yourself. Again, It is your job to be the best you can be.
D: Yeah, I see that, no need to question that, I get it.
S: Now, the last one, you will never love again because of her. Is it true?
D: No, so not true.
S: Yes, you will love again, so will she..... Life moves on.
D: Yes, it does.
D: Thanks, man.
S: No problemo....Peace out.



Peace and Love and thank you for the support.

A conversation with a self proclaimed nerd.

S: So, Harris, what's up.
H: I would put it to you quite easily, why do women like jerks?

S: Okay, women like jerks? Is it true?
H: Yes, it is.
S: Can you absolutely know that's true?
H: No.
S: How do you react when you believe that?
H: I try to act like one, which doesn't work anyway, then I beat myself up because I don't like how it feels , meaning being fake, being a jerk, then I feel small because I feel like I have failed. Get back to me again for a while , but then I do it again.
S: Okay , how would you be if you didn't believe that?.
H: I would just be myself of course, but that doesn't seem to work.
S: Well, first women don't actually like jerks, they simply like people who are themselves, just like men don't just like " bitches", they like people who are themselves. Let me elaborate.
S: What does, who you call " jerk" does that you don't.
H: He is mean to them.
S: Not necessarily, he can also simply be honest with them and be himself. Let me give you an example, you have to study for an important exam tomorrow, and a girl that you like calls you and tell you that you have to come to a party right away. What would you do or say?
H: I would definitely go.
S: That's the problem, who you call "the jerk" , might simply say, " I can't", I have to study to take a very important exam tomorrow, but you know what when you are done there, come over to my place.
S: Can you see the difference ? ...
H: I don't really, he said no, yet I feel like she might go to him anyway.
S: He was simply honest, that's all. You are so caught up in looking for approval that you can't seem to just be honest. Because of the assumption that if I say no, she is not going to like me anymore. And the same will go for " the good girl" , if we reverse the role.
Well, technically, she likes you or she does not, stop looking for so much approval, because as you do, you are simply not yourself. See, what I'm saying.
H: Yeah, I have never seen it like that.
S: Well, she has to be with YOU, right?, but you are not even here since you are too busy looking for approval.
H: That make sense. But I tried being myself first, and it didn't work....That's why after trying over and over again by being myself and seeing that the " jerk" will always get the girl, I decided to become a jerk.
S: Again, what you don't see is that, there is more than " the body" to a relationship. I'm pretty sure that you tried talking to girls who had nothing in common with you, but because they were " hot" , you wanted to go out with them.
H: I guess, that's true.
S: Well, that's why you keep getting rejected, you are not looking to connect, you want to be "cool" or whatever. Look for somebody who is interested in the same things as you and you will see that you can not not be yourself, in those conditions,  it just naturally flows and you don't have to try so hard and be somebody you are not, because "you think" it's what they want. See what I'm saying.
H: Yeah, totally.
S: So, all you gotta to do, is find somebody who clicks with you, that's the bond. And stop constantly looking for approval, Be Yourself. Be honest , it is easy, if you want to do something say yes...if you don't, say no... It is that easy, when you are less in the other business worrying about is she going to like it or not etc.....
H: Yeah, I see that. I'll try to do that.
S: Yes, we ( the world ) all want you to simply be YOU, that's all.
H: I'll try and see what happens.
S: Yes, do that.
H: Thanks..
S: You are welcome.




Peace and Love and Thank you for the support.

A conversation with a black person about racism.

S: So, Kevin, talk to me. ( Kevin is black).

K: I am frustrated because I have to work with people who are racist.
 I just want them to see me, for me.
I need them to just respect me.
They should not jump into conclusions that quickly.
I think it's unfair, despicable.


S: Okay, Kev, lets' see, you are frustrated because you have to work with people who are racist. Is it true?
K: Yes.
S: Can you absolutely know that is true?
K: No.
S: How do you react when you believe that?
K: I get angry, paranoid, I feel like everybody is out to get me, I get very defensive, I hate.
S: So, you become a racist.
K: Well said, Yes. ( he smiles..).
S: See, how by believing your thoughts you become them?. Okay, Kevin how would you be if you didn't believe all that?
K: I would be more at ease, I would be relaxed , more myself.
K: But I feel like I can't.
S: Why?
K: I feel like I  am under attack.
S: How are you being attacked?.
K: By the way they talk to me, the kind of question they ask me.
S: Well, Kevin when people ask you question you can just answer them, or not. You don't have to be defensive about it.
K: Yes, but I don't know why I feel like I have to fight back.
S: Who are you fighting?.
K: Them.
S: Well, that happens because you have already assume that "they are trying to get you". If you didn't believe that, they will be nobody to fight. You simply answer or you do not.
S: How do you feel when you believe that "they are trying to get you".
K: I feel like the whole world is out to get me, and I have to fight them all off.
S: Yes, exactly, you make the entire world your enemy. And technically you have already lost this fight, I am sorry but there is over 6 billions of us , one of you , we gotcha.....and there is nothing you can do about it.
K: Yes, that's right.
S: And as you believe that you have to fight the world, how does it feel?
K: Exhausting, oppressing, heavy.
S: Yes, you are wearing the weight of the world on your shoulders. And how do you interact with people as you believe they are all trying to get you.
K: I am distant, cold, snappy.
S: What about trust?
K: Oh, I definitely don't trust them.
S: Exactly, and no trust, no bond, no love.
S: How would you be if you didn't believe that " they are trying to get you".
K: Wow, so lighter, so lighter ....
S: Yes, exactly, are you ready to drop the weight of the world?.
K: Yeah, I really don't like it.
S: Now, let me ask you something, let's say I ask you to work with somebody who is cold, distant, snappy, do not trust you, and is defensive, would like to be around him?
K: No, I see what you are saying.
K: But is it all in my head, though?
S: I don't know them, I haven't met them. All I know is that you are responsible for You, you are responsible for your own state of consciousness, nobody else. They act the way they act, you react the way you react.
S: Okay, next, You just want then to see you. Okay, first they don't see you. Is it true?
K: Yes, I think so.
S: How do you react when you believe that?.
K: I get frustrated, they become those dark people in my mind.
S: So, you don't see them.
(he laughs....)
K: Yes, I can see that.
S: Who else don't you see as you believe that?.
K: I don't know...
S: Well, Yourself , you are not yourself.
K: yes, that's true.
S: So, how would you be if you didn't believe that?.
K: I guess, I would see them and see myself.
S: Yes, to go one step further, it's not our job to see you, it's your job.
K: What do you mean?.
S: I mean you have to see yourself, that's your job, to be fully YOU,  if we don't see it, that's fine, you are YOU.
K: I see what you are saying.
S: Okay,next, you need them to just respect you, they don't respect you. Is that true?
K: Now, I can say I don't really know, I have spent so much time fighting them that I truly don't know anymore.
S: But how do you react when you believe that?
K: I don't respect them that's for sure.
S: Can you see how you will respect them if you didn't believe that anymore?.
K: Yes, totally...
S: And Yourself too...
K: Yes, definitely.
S: Next, they should not jump into conclusions... do you see how you do it?
K: Now, I do ..
S: Can you give them some space, allow them to be, a little.
K: Yes, I can , and me too.
S: And finally, was it fair to them and to yourself to create all that animosity?
K: No, totally not.
K: I think I have some perspective now.
S: So, got back to work and enjoy.
K: I'll try.
S: Okay, then.
K: Thanks.
S: you are welcome.




Peace and Love and Thank you for the support.

A conversation with somebody who has been sick for a while.

Dan: I am exhausted to wait and see everybody else lives go by, and I am standing still, I want to live too, I want to be happy too, I'm so exhausted of it all, when is it my turn, when can I be happy too, when can I have pictures to show others of what I have done, when do I get to go out and have a nice meal with my friends, when do I get to go out and meet a nice girl, when do I get to travel the world. I feel so trapped, I feel so exhausted, It's like Life has cursed me, why so much pain, why so much suffering, why so much, what did I do wrong? , Am I being punished?, what did I do wrong? and how can I fix it?  how can I make it stop?, what do I have to do?.  I feel so stuck, so exhausted, don't I deserve a break too, a break from all that suffering, a break from all that pain...don't I deserve to be happy, don't I deserve to be loved and to love back ....why me?, why?.


S: Okay, Dan, let's talk about that. Okay, every body else lives are going by and yours is not. Is it true?
D: Yes, it is.
S: What do you see when you believe that?, all the things I wanted to do that I am not doing and that I wonder if I will ever get to do.
S: So, you are seeing all those possibles Realities, are those dreams?
D: Not really just things I could be doing.
S: Okay, your mind shows you all those options that you were not even invested in before, Correct?
D: Yes, that's correct.
S: So, your mind shows you everything that is << NOT>> ,  that you don't even especially want to be but << could be>> .
D: That sounds weird, but yes.
S: If I let my mind do that, I would be an astronaut, an heavy weight boxer, and an NBA player.
(He laughs... . . . first laugh /smile of the evening ..)
D: Okay, I get the point.
S: So, instead of living in the world of could be, let's live in the world of what IS.
Now, how would you react if you didn't believe that.
D: I don't know ... I really don't know.
S: That's okay, but can you see that you suddenly spending less time feeding into your own sadness.
D: Yes, I can see that.
S: Now, Everybody else lives is going on, when yours is standing still. Is it true?
D: I still believe that's true.
S: Okay, do you take your meds every day, do you try to get better every day ?
D: Yes, I do.
S: So, your problem is that you are believing that you shouldn't be living YOUR Life, then. Because your live is the Life of somebody who has an illness for NOW at least. And as somebody who has an illness you are living your Life. You think you should be living somebody else life?
D: No, so what you mean is that I should just accept it.
S: Accept what?
D: Being sick.
S: Do you have an illness? , yes or no.
D: Yes, I do.
S: For me it wasn't even a question , what IS , IS. Now, let's live the Life of somebody who has an illness fully. Not the Life of somebody who does not.  Let other people lives alone.
D: I get that, but I can't help to want that. And I feel that it is even healthy, the fact that I want to live again, is pushing me to heal.
S: Okay, so it is healthy to suffer (mentally), is that what you are saying, every time you want what IS not , you suffer, like you are right now.
D: No, it is not healthy to suffer.  But I feel like if I don't want it I won't heal.
S: You need to push your body to heal. Is It true? .... when you were young and you cut yourself you had to want to heal before you actually healed?
D: No, it would just happen.
S: So, you need to want to heal? Is it true?
D: No, but I would feel like if I don't, it's like I don't want to heal.
S: The mind loves the opposite I want or I don't want, let me show you the neutrality, the middle path which is in fact above the opposites themselves. When you didn't want or push your body to heal when you were young , it meant that you didn't want to heal and your body didn't actually heal . Is that true?
D: No, it is not.
S: Of course, it is not, your body has its own intelligence, health is its natural state and it is always trying to get to it. Sometimes it actually need you to just get "out of the way".
D: Okay, I get that.
S: So, you need to be( mentally) in other people lives to help you heal ? Is it true?
D: No. It is not.
S: And actually your body needs YOU Here , instead of being somewhere else. So, that very wanting ( living their lives..)is distracting you from what you really want, NOW, heal.
D: Okay, that make sense.
S: Okay, next I want to live too, so you are not  living NOW. Is it true?
D: I mean NO,  it is not,  but you know what I mean, I mean living my life , going out etc..
S: Again, that's not living your Life, Now. It is living somebody else Life Now, your Life NOW, consist in taking your medications, doing your exercises and resting.
D: Yeah, I see what you mean.
S: So, you are not living your Life, NOW. Is it true?..
D: No, it is not.
S: And actually it is that very concept which prevent you from feeling more alive NOW. Since you assume you will be living" there", instead of NOW. LIFE is NOW.
S: Next, I want to be happy too. So, you are not happy NOW? , do you want me to tell you the secret of happiness?
D: What is it ?.
S: It is to be fully Yourself. And you know when you are the most Yourself?
D:NO.
S: When you are Present. Fully Here ( mentally ...) Not in the next moment, where you are mentally traveling the world and sending pictures to your friends, or when you are outside for a nice meal etc...not when you are in all those moment which you can't be in anyway and do not exist in Reality NOW..but simply when you are in this moment , which does exist, no matter the form of it.
D: Okay, and how long do I have to do that? be Present?
S: How long do you want to be happy for?
(he laughs.....)
D: That's a good one.
S: It simply true. lol. Or we can say, how long do you want to be fully Yourself?.
D: Forever.
S: Be Present, forever.
D: Wow, okay , then ...
S: Okay, next you feel trapped, you feel exhausted. How do you react when you believe that?
D: I try to fight back.
S: Fight (who? or what?) back
D: I don't even know.
S: That's because you are fighting yourself. You feel trapped because Life forced you here, at least physically but you keep wanting not to be here. Stop fighting Yourself, BE HERE. And you won't feel trapped nor exhausted anymore, because it is exhausting to fight yourself.
D: Yes, it is.
S: Life cursed you? Is it true?
D: I feel like it? It is like my body doesn't want to heal.
S: Okay, because your body doesn't want to heal, Life cursed you . Is it true?
D: I guess, no.
S: How do you react when you believe that?
D: I curse at God....I hate God...
S: Who else do you hate?
D: I don't know.
S: Well , if you hate God, you hate Yourself too, don't you?
D: Yes, I do.
S: How would you be if you didn't believe that Life cursed you?.
D: I guess, acceptance, no hate, a certain level of Peace.
S: Okay, and your body certainly needs that, it doesn't need you to bring more toxins, with hate anger etc....that's an ulcer in the making.
D: You are right, you are so right. ( he laughs..)
S: Next, why so much pain, why so much suffering? .....Well, the pain is because  the body. The suffering is because of your mind...keep you mind clean.
D: Yes, I totally see that now.
S: Okay, next ....Life is punishing you? ....How do you react when you believe that?
D: I start to see all the things I have done wrong, all the wrongs I have done to people, and I wonder if that's that, it drives me insane.
S: Yes, and as it drives you insane, it drains you out. your body is already weak  no need to take more out of it. How would you be if you didn't believe that Life is punishing you?
D: I would simply be calmer, way more calm.
S: Yes, some Peace and Quiet, always good  and beneficiary for the body.
S: Okay, you are not loved, right now .. Is it true?
D: I mean, I think so, there is only me,,mainly ..the nurse comes from time to time....or I go to the hospital. But there is only me.
S: Well , Love Yourself, then. even better. Find what you like doing, music, reading a great book, it can become a time of self discovery.
D: Yeah, I can do that, anyway, if there is something I have, it's time.
S: Yes, you do....I hope you get better.
D: Thank you.
S: Just keep mind in check, no need to add suffering to the experience.
D: I can see that now.
D: Thanks, bye.
S: Bye.




Peace and Love and Thank you for the support.

A conversation with a friend about fame.

Marc: I can't wait until I make it I will be so famous, have so much money, so many girls around me, I will be so happy.

S: Okay, let's talk about that. You are famous, what is so great about it?
M: Well, it means that I'm a somebody, I'm known everywhere, I'm the man, I'm respected, I'm loved.
S: Okay, first one, right now you are not somebody. Is it true?
M: Yes, it is, I am nobody for now, but that won't be for long believe me ..( he said proudly ..).
S: Okay, so now you have no existence is that what you are saying?
M: Of course not, I exist.
S: So, technically you are somebody.
M: Yes, but you know what I mean, I don't mean it like that....
S:  No, I don't, Say what you mean and mean what you say. Like what? ...Tell me ....
M: I mean, I'm somebody but not known.
S: Okay, so you mean  by being famous you will be known.
M: Yes.
S: Okay, but we can both first agree that you are somebody already, right?
M: Okay, right.
S: Now, how do you react when you believe that you are nobody?
M: I feel empty, it's like I don't exist, It's like I don't see myself.
S: Yes, you are not HERE, you are in the next moment where you are finally somebody, forgetting that LIFE is NOW. So, technically, everybody is somebody. And what do you see when you realize that you are somebody.
M: I am here.
S: Yes, you are Here, the only place you can be anyway. So, what's the difference between believing in the concept of " somebody" and not? ; the difference is PRESENCE or ABSENCE, ....LIFE or DEATH, that's a huge difference.
 ( he looks shocked as he thinks of the implications....)
M: Yes, I can see that ....I get the presence or absence, but why LIFE and death.
S: Well, first LIFE is only NOW, if you are not NOW you are then technically dead, and like you said yourself you couldn't see yourself while believing " I am nobody" , so technically you didn't exist, so death.
M: Okay, yeah , I get that. ( he smiles, in sign of understanding ...)
S: Okay, good, now so, we both agree that everybody is somebody. But we can also both agree that everybody is not known. So, by being famous, known, you will be happy....Is it true? , that was your first statement.
M: Of course, it is the girls, the money, etc...yeah I will be happy.
S: Okay, can't you talk to girls without fame?, the money gives you some level of freedom that's true, but not happiness. And the girls you are talking about are only here because of the fame they don't really know you.
M: You think I care, I know that, I'm fine with that, I will bang them anyway.
S: That you will, but do you know why so many famous people say that they are lonely, it is not because the girls are not there, it is simply because they don't connect with any of them, and they do not connect with you either. That's the part that you don't pay attention to, and before you know it the loneliness will creep on you and hit you without you even realizing what happened.
M: I get your point.
S: So, fame will make you happy , I mean truly happy ...Is it true?
M: Not really, just on the surface I guess.
S: Okay, and how do you react when you believe that fame will make you happy?
M: My entire mind is on, when I finally make it.

S: Exactly, you forget to appreciate the NOW, you don't even see the journey.

And let me put it like this, let's say you are an artist and your goal is to play an arena of 30 000 people and finally after 2 years you finally book that arena, guess what? technically, it is only 1 day, just one day, not even on entire day. That's what it is in REALITY, just one night, one concert. And you spent 2 years which is (360 times 2 ) 720 days waiting for that, not fully enjoying 720 NOW, you see how insane it is. And then you are going to wonder why after that ONE night you are not That happy or you are for a while but pretty soon you are not anymore. Well, That One night can not substitute 720 others. That's what happens when your entire attention is on " the goal", " the dream". You miss the mark, LIFE is NOW.

S: So, fame is going to make you happy , Is it true? .
M: I guess, not. But, I mean so you are trying to tell me that I shouldn't try to make it.

S: No, not at all. You love what you are doing, you do it. I'm just making you aware of the story you believe around it. Believing that happiness is " There" , instead of "Here" , first.
Moreover, people like to " romanticize" things. REALITY is a slightly different. Constant interviews, people asking you questions all the time, people wanted to talk about your life like it was their own, the constant traveling...etc..... You see at the beginning you only wanted to paint " a pretty picture", you have to paint the whole picture, that's Reality.
When you do that, you suddenly realize , it is great but not that great and probably on "its own" can not make you " happy". So, you step away for the concept of it.

M: Yes, I see what you are saying, but now I almost don't even want to do anything, I almost feel depressed I feel like why would even do anything. ( he looks sad..., chin down..)

S: It is fine, that you feel low, it is simply because we broke your " pink glasses", everything is not all rosy and perfect anymore. That's good because now you won't be disappointed because you didn't have irrational expectations, your mind is centered in Reality not in fantasy. And to answer you second question, why would you even do it now?, for the reason you started to do it in the first place, because you love it. See, we just shifted your attention from " there" , " fame, great this, that,,,,,out there.....back to HERE,  Yourself, I enjoy it with or without fame. There resides happiness, NOW. Then, the money will come, the girls will come, etc.....but you will be aware and slightly Free from it, you will know what's real and what is not.

M: I fully see what you mean, Now....
S: So, enjoy now, enjoy being a struggling artist, be Present, you can only enjoy THE NOW, anyway.
M: Okay, will do.
S: Okay, next, being famous, means that you are respected? Is it true?
M: Now that I look at it, I guess not,( he looks disappointed ..) I know many famous people who are not respected.
I don't even know why I thought of " respect".
S: Well, I think you did, in the sense of proving a point, as saying << see, I made it , I wasn't wasting my time after all >> ?, I am assuming that somebody told you that you were wasting your time.
( he raises his eyebrows....)
M: Yes, exactly, how do you know that? ...
S: Well, I'm a writer, my parents, my friends said that to me, and anyway somebody has said it to an artist at one time or the other. So, the question becomes , << you need to gain their respect? ..or you need to prove them wrong? Is it true?

M: I guess not.
S: How does it feel when you are trying to prove them wrong, or gain their respect.
M: It feels tiring, stressful. I just keep fighting.
S: Exactly, how does it fell when you don't believe that you need to prove them wrong, or gain their respect or even their approval.
M: I'm relaxed, I'm more me.
S: Yes, and you enjoy your Art more, too. So, you need to be respected. Is it true?
M: I guess not.
S: You don't, people have the right to have opinions, you don't need to fight them. The concept that everybody is supposed to support you or like what you are doing is illogical. Okay, turn that around for me, << I need them ( family, friends, the world) to respect me.
M: I am not sure, how to do that.
S: Turn it back on Yourself.
M: I need me to respect me.
S: Yes, Respect Yourself, Respect your Art , don't bring animosity, tension in it, be Present and Enjoy it.
M: Yes, you are right...( he almost has tears in his eyes....).
S: When you will be famous you will be loved. Is it true?
M: I guess, not really or at least not by everybody there are always " haters" .
S: So, the answer is NO.
S: How do you react when you believe that being famous is going to make people love you.
M: I try so hard to get there, I want it so bad.
S: Yes, but how would you be if you didn't believe that?.
M: I guess, I would be more relaxed.
S: Yes, enjoy Yourself more, and pay attention to the Love you have around you NOW, not the illusory Love you are supposed to get " in the future, when you are famous".
M: I don't have lots of people who support me, now though.
S: Who said that when people Love you they are always supposed to support you, they still have they own opinions.  My dad told me that he thought it was a waste of time being a writer that I should do something more concrete. And that's okay, I respect his opinion, and I understand that it doesn't mean he doesn't Love me, he was just being honest with his son, that's all, he still loves me and I still love him. So, they don't have to support you.
M: Yeah, that make sense.
S: So, we did it. How do you feel?
M: I guess, I feel more appreciative of the moment, and I have a different view of the dream, now.
S: My job here is done, then, peace out.




Peace and Love, and Thank you for your support.

A conversation with An Artist.. 1hour before he is about to perfom for the first time in front of a crowd...

 Artist's name :  Treyvor.

Tr: What are they going to think of it? . are they going to like it? , are they going to make fun of me? , what if I'm not good enough ? , what if they all hate me? , what if  I become nothing?, what if I become a nobody? , what if I am not good enough?. what if I don't succeed?, what if I fail? , what if I don't make it? , what if all of that work was for nothing?.

S: Most people, would tell you, this is just << nerves>> , and tell you that you are going to be great. But, I'm a little different, so, let's do something else, let's question all that, or should I say let's answer it . We will turn some of your questions into statements.

S: Okay, you need to know what they are going to think of it? Is it true?
T: No , I don't...and I can't know that.
S: Okay, you need them to like it ? Is it true?
T: Yes, it is.
S: How you react when  you believe that ?
T: I try to make songs that they will like.
S: Exactly you just lost Yourself, you are not expressing Yourself anymore , in the business it's called going commercial. So, as weird as it sounds you need YOU like it.
S: Okay, next, they make fun of you, then what?
T: I feel ridiculed, I feel like a joke.
S: Then what? . ...are you going to stop making music?
T: No...
S: So, does it matter?
T: I guess not...huh...weird ....
S: Okay, next you are not good enough?. Is it true? ,,, first good enough for what?
T: Good enough...for them to like it I guess....
S: So, if they don't like it, it mean you are not good enough .. Is it true?
T: No....it does not, it just means they don't like it.
S: Nice, okay, next, I will become nothing. Is it true?
T: I don't know that.
S: So, definitely not true.
T: Yeah.....right.
S: Next, I will become a nobody? Is it true?
T: No, I don't know that , so Not true.
S: And technically, nobody is nobody, they are exactly themselves. But let's not go too deep, you got a show to perform. So, next , I'm not going to succeed. Is it true?
T: No, not true.
S: Next, I'm going to fail ...Is it true?
T: Nah....
S: All of it was for nothing ? ....Is it true?
T: Nah , I was doing what I love.
S: Exactly.

Now, I can tell you, go ahead you are going to be Great, simply because you will be YOU, then what happens, happens.... Peace out.... Rock the House, the man.....





Peace and Love and Thank you for you support.

A conversation with a new Mom..

Her name is  Allison.

S: So, Allison, what are we talking about today?.
A: My baby, my little girl.
S: Okay, Let's hear it.

A: I am exhausted, depressed because Jenny won't stop crying.
I just want her to stop, I just want her to let me sleep.
I need her to stop crying for a second.
She should know that it's not easy for me she is my first.
I think it's unfair.

S: Okay, Allison, you are exhausted, depressed because Jenny won't stop crying. Is it true?
A: Yes, it is.
S: Can you absolutely know that?..
A: Oh, yeah. ( she responds with complete assurance...).
S: How do you react when you believe that?, where does your mind bring you?, what do you see ? ....
A: I get really cranky, I get low, depressed, my mind show me all the thing I have to do that I can barely manage to do, all the hours of sleep I'm going to miss.
S: Then what? , when you see all those thing that you have to do, and that you feel you won't be able to do...how do you react ?
A: what you mean?
S: I mean your mind probably quickly look for a solution to that remedy, what is it?
A: huh, right, I want to call Jim ( my husband ), to help me, but he is always busy at work of course ( she says it as if she didn't believe, rolling her eyes...), so I yell at him which turns out to to be unproductive, so then I try to find a way to do it myself and as I don't find one, I feel trapped.
S: And as you feel trapped, how you react to that? , how do you try to not be trapped anymore?
A: I try to find a solution for my time management, such as putting the baby in her crib while I am trying to do my daily chores, but then she starts crying, I try to ignore her for a while but as she keeps crying I start to feel guilty so I go get her, but now I can't do anything anymore.. I 'm right back where I started.

S: Now, Allison, after saying what you just said, you are exhausted, depressed because  Jenny won't stop crying . Is it true?
A:  I don't know anymore.
S: Well, by just looking at the cycle, I got exhausted, that's exhausting , not Jenny crying, Jenny crying just IS ...but that entire reaction is what is exhausting. Lets recap it so , you can see it clearly, before we dive into it.


Baby cry, see all things I have to do, (mentally decide not enough time) , then see all the hours of sleep I will have to lose to try to finish my mental list, then look for solution how can still do mental list and not lose sleep, call Husband when already expect him to be busy...yell at him......feel trapped because still no solution to mental list.....then new solution.....put baby down......baby cry again .....guilt (beat myself up I'm not a good mother)...so pick up baby.....back to beginning.

S: Can you see that, Allison , THAT is  exhausting...and depressing....
A: Yes, I can see that , now, when put like this, it really sound exhausting, even crazy.

S: It was always like this, I didn't put it in a special way , I just put it on paper so that you can fully see it. In your mind it happens on automatic, on paper you can see it, make it still for a second. Now, how would you be if the baby was crying and you didn't do all THAT?
A:  Wow, as weird as it sounds, I actually feel elated, like an heavy weight as been taken off my shoulder. But I still have the list though.
S: Okay, first of all do you finish your list every day?
A: No ...( she said disappointed in herself )
S: And are you Okay ?... as something gone terribly wrong because you haven't finished the list?
A: No,  not yet.
S: So, you are fine the way you are NOW, but decide that you can not be because you need to finish your list of chores. Is that right?
A: When you say it like that? , it sound like I'm insane.
S: No, you were just Identified with your mental story of  how all need to be done NOW, that you forgot to see what IS , and that you are fine , NOW. Moreover, you do one chore at the time it is the mental accumulation which is overwhelming. Doing one chore is easy , doing 10 is a bit more challenging. So, instead of trying to do 10 all at once( mentally speaking), can you do one at the time? .
A: Yes, it makes sense, when I sometimes wake up in the morning and just think about what I have to do, I feel tired right away before I have even done one thing.
S: Yes, that's because you think of 10, 20 things ...bring it back to ONE, that's easy.

S: Okay, so next , you need her to stop crying for a second. Is it true?
A: Yes.
S: How do you react when you believe that?
A: I got insane, I actually think I'm losing my hair.
S: How would you be if you didn't believe that?
A: you mean, If I didn't want her to stop?.
S: first, you said << need>> , but yes, How would you be?
A : I don't know, I guess less insane. But I don't get it. How can I not want or need that.
S: Can you just allow her to cry? , you check the diaper, you know she has been fed, and so on and then you just allow her to cry, why do you feel that compulsive need to make her stop. The same thing goes with mother who have young boys, they feel that compulsive need to tell the boys to stop running, can you just allow them to run ? , they are going to do it anyway, that's what we do as boys.
A: I see, I get what you are saying. But it feels weird, I would feel guilty.
S: Okay, because you allow your baby to cry after you have checked diaper, fed the baby etc.... you are a bad mother ?  Is it true?
A: NO,....can Life be that easy?.
S: Yes, Freedom is that easy.
A: So, yes I can allow her to cry.
S: That's that, and later on if you have boys, allow them to run , no need to scream <<boys, stop running >> ( lol ) . That's what would make you crazy.
Okay, next, She should know that it is not easy for you, she is your first ? ...turn that around for me.
A: What you mean...
S: Talk about Yourself.
A: I should  know that it is not easy for me, she is my first.
S: Yes, cut Yourself some slack .......just Be ..stop trying so hard , or trying to live up to some mental expectations you have of Yourself or you believe the world has....,Just be YOU.
A: I can do that ...
S: Of course , you can it is so easy. Once you stop " trying" , YOU ARE.
S: Next, It not fair.  What is not fair?.
A: That I get cooked up here, and Jim is out there, leaving his life, enjoying it and I'm here all depressed.
S: Okay, It is not fair Is it true?
A: No, it is not.
S: So, what would be fair according to you? Him being Home with you?
A: No,....( she said laughing ).....who is going to pay the mortgage?
S: Okay, so it is not fair .. Is it true?
A: Okay, you got me , NO ,,,it's not.
S: I wasn't trying to get you, just free you from untrue beliefs. How do you react when you believe that it is not fair?.
A: I get mad at him, when  he comes Home, I get bitchy.
S: Then what happens?
A: He avoids me, and I resent him for avoiding me, because now I feel lonely...it's all because of him anyway, he did this to me .
S: He did this to you ...Is it true?
A: I  know, I know, it is not, I wanted the baby.
S: So, the guy is at work he gets called to be yelled at, he comes home, he gets yelled at again, he tries to avoid conflict, he gets resentment ( cold shoulder ..)...poor guy...
( she laughs...)
A: Yes, yes , you are right , I have never seen it through his eyes before.
S: You couldn't, you were lost in your own mental story. So, How would you be if you didn't believe that it wasn't fair and resented your husband .etc......
A: I would actually love him, and enjoy him more, anyway I am all alone during the day and he is finally here, why pushing him away? ....
S: Yes, you would love him, love you for not being mean to him anymore, and Love your baby, because you wouldn't go to her in a bad mood.
A: Yes, you are right, totally right. I can't believe I didn't see that before, It seems so obvious NOW.
S: Well, your mind does not believe insanity anymore, that's why.
A: Thank you.
S: You are welcome.




Peace and Love and Thank you for the support.

A conversation with a mother about her teenage daughter.

Her name is Pamela.

S: So, Pamela what's in your mind.
P: My teenage daughter asked me about sex, about my first time, and I didn't and still don't know what to say.
S: Well, here is a thought, why don't you try the truth? ....( we both laugh ...)

P: Well, I don't want to tell her that my first time wasn't great at all, I want to tell her that it was special, magical and all that good stuff.
S: Why do you feel the need to say that?.
P: Because, I guess I want her to believe in Love.
S: Okay, If you tell her that having sex for the time wasn't that special for you ....she is not going to believe in Love anymore ..Is it true?..
P: I guess...Not..., It's not true....( she says hesitantly ..)
P: So, I should just say that?...
S: I don't see any reason why not.
P: I feel like if I say that, I would be setting bad example for her.
S: In what sense?
P: Well, I wasn't in love and I had sex.
S: Okay, the question is not << were you in love when you had sex ?>> , the question is << how was it?>> . However, Let's say that she asks if you were in Love.
S: You answer. So, people who are not in Love and have sex are bad examples ? Is it true?
P: No, but I don't want my daughter to be one of them.
S: Okay, but, what I have seen so far by observing Life is that, people make their own choices. She will make her own choice, anyway... The only difference is that  if you are honest with her and she sense it she will keep you in the loop, otherwise you will be out of it.
P: That's True, teenagers always do their own thing. But still, isn't the job of the parent to set high expectations, to be a model. I mean, would you be that honest with your kids, especially a girl.

S: You see the problem with the expectation thing is that, every time people don't meet them, they beat themselves up or hide it from you. I'm not advocating teenage sex by any means, all I'm saying is that personally I would be honest with my children. I would make them question  the two conventional stories usually surrounding sex and teenage girl. The first one, << it's going to be so special, so magical ..so perfect ...etc..>>. When in truth, your first time is usually less than glamorous and sometimes she is crying the entire time, she will actually enjoy it more on subsequent experiences. That's just the truth.
Now, the second one would be << it's no big deal>> , that's also not true , that mind-set leads to diseases, promiscuity ..and actually less feeling of connection with each other...  So, welcome to freedom , beyond the opposites you find the middle path. Those feelings of " specialness, magic" comes from being in Love and connecting physically (sex), not just sex itself. Therefore, be in love and have sex and you might or might not feel the magic.  That's what I would tell my daughter if I ever have one, REALITY....I'm free, I love Reality., not politically correct, preconceived, scripted answers ...I wouldn't  want them( my children) to live in a movie ( the dream world ) , I would want them to live in Reality.

P: That's very  accurate, I think I can say that ....Thanks ...
S: You are welcome.


Peace and Love and thank you for the support.

A conversation with a friend about collective concept surrounding women.

 Okay, James let's talk about women ....

S: Let's explore the two opposite concept regarding women sexuality than many people hold. ( the good girl and the bag girl, or the prude and the slut ...etc..). And  in general the roles that people play.

S: So, let's say you see a woman in a tight dress, cleavage showing, legs shining and you find her attractive ( I added "and" because attraction is relative , of course ), how do you talk to her, James? .
J: I find myself smiling more, I try to get her attention.
S: Do you play roles?
J: What do you mean?
S: I mean how do you try to get her attention?
J: I see, yeah my voice pattern changes, I try to sound great, I act cool, I give her an intense look, before I go talk to her.
S: Okay, and when you talk to her, how do you talk to her, where is your mind at?..
J: I see where this is going, ( he laughs ..), yes my mind is on sex .
S: So, as you objectify her, do you respect her?
J: Not as much.
S: Okay, then when she rejects your advances...do you call her names (mentally) ?
J: yeah, sometimes ....I mean, I don't mean to... but yes I do.
S: That's fine, don't feel sorry I'm not judging, I'm just trying to make you aware of something.
S: Okay, so first you see the roles you were playing right, the voice, the acting etc...Let's start there. When you play those roles you attract women? Is it true?
J: I don't know... I have never questioned it before...
S: Well, now is your chance, playing those roles help you attract women ...Is it true?
J: I guess not.
S: How do you react when after playing your roles, it doesn't work out?
J: I call her names.....
S: See, it's as if you had a mental script, when I do this ....that is supposed to happen , and when the outcome does not match your expectation ..you are not happy about it.
J: Yeah , I see what you mean.
S: Now try to for a second to picture the interaction without the roles.
J: It is more genuine.
S: Yes, exactly. So, practically speaking, the very roles you play prevent you from having a genuine conversation, can you see that?.
J: That's weird, but yes I see that.
S: Okay, next why do you call her names when your advances do not match up your expectations.
J: Well, she is wearing those revealing clothes, and now she is saying No ? , what's that? ..a tease.
S: Okay, women who are wearing revealing clothes only think about sex? Is it true?
J: No, it's not.
S: See, the mental assumption. Moreover, you treat her with less respect. Now how would you treat her if you didn't conceptualize her?.
J: I guess, more genuinely, a bit like every body else.
S: Yes, exactly, and it turns out that by respected people they react favorably to you, I'm just saying.....you know I have  heard ...lol...So, by not trying to get her so much you might actually get her, how funny is that ..lol.... but of course , don't turn that into a new concept , meaning " role": " I'm going to act like I don't want her " , if you want, want, just pay attention to your concepts.

S: So, what would be the opposite?
J: Well, I guess the girl who is prude like.
S: Okay, how do you talk to her?
J: I don't fully pay attention to her, I'm inconsiderate, indifferent.
S: Yes, how would you be if you didn't conceptualize her?
J: I guess, I would pay more attention to her.
S: Yes, no more indifference, and full attention, is Presence, is the first sign of LOVE. If people were a bit less indifferent  in the world, we will all benefit. You don't have to want her to just pay attention to her...BE Present with people... And finally what you forget is that, she is also a sexual being... When you stop putting people in boxes(concepts) you start to be see them as whole ... The girl who reveals her body do not always think of sex, she can also talk about books, and the girl who like her books, do not always think of school she can also talk about sex.
I would always find it funny when people would go " him" or " her",  had sex really, as if they didn't categorize  them as sexual human beings, it wasn't "their box". and vice versa when hearing that a person they consider attractive do not have sex all the time, they are also shocked.  Step away from the boxes.




Peace and Love and thank you for the support.

A conversation with a friend an old high school friend, about inquiry and dating.

 His name is Emanuel.

E: Okay, man I get inquiry but I have a little issue with, not trying to persuade, convince, manipulate, play mind games, seduce or being seductive ,no lying etc.... I mean If I let all that go how do you pick up girls? your "just be honest thing" does not really work. I mean, let's be pragmatic, let's say I go out I bring a girl home, and we are about to get busy and she says : are you going to call me tomorrow? ,and I know that my honest answer is NO , do you actually think that I'm going to say that, I mean seriously, just before getting busy.

S: Good question, but before I answer that, do you know why I said all those things ?
E: Not really ..
S: Okay, well the first law of inquiry is simply : Stay in your business ( mentally speaking ).
By trying to persuade, convince, manipulate, play mind games, trying to seduce, playing roles etc... you are going from the assumption that : I need to make her do something. Well, that's not really true, first your business is to make you do things, her business is to make her do things. So, you don't make her do anything. She has a free will and she does it on her own.
To go one step further, we can say that you have never picked up a girl in your Life, by default she picked you up since she has to say " yes" , anyway, otherwise it is called rape, or to be more accurate we can say you picked each other up. That's closer to the truth than anything else. And on the same token, if you don't pick anybody up you are never rejected, because there again to be closer to the truth, she rejected you as well as you rejected her to some extend. So, you just moved beyond the opposites you don't fully believe that you pick girls up, you don't fully believe that you are rejected. It happens or it doesn't. That's about it.
Now, let me answer your question, I wouldn't lie.
( he looks shocked, and doesn't believe me....).
Now, let me elaborate on that, for a second. I wouldn't lie because of how I would have been from the beginning of the interaction. From the beginning of the interaction I would let her know that I am not looking for a long term relationship ( if that's not what I am looking for ), then for instance could say I just truly feel lonely and want to feel connected tonight, I don't want to disrespect you in any way, but I am not ready to be in a long term relationship right now, but I would truly love spending the  night with you. If from the beginning of the interaction that mind-set is SET, I would be able to say: I can call tomorrow to see how you are doing, I really don't mind doing that, but like I said earlier I am not ready for a long term relationship.

See, didn't lie, wasn't an asshole, was just honest. That's what I mean, by that. It's how you do it.
E: Not bad, not bad....but do you truly believe it will be that easy.

S: Well, again it's because you come from the assumption that women do not want to have sex with you and that they somehow force themselves to do it, or concede to it, or that you have to make them do it.
I come from the assumption that I am Free, therefore have free will, and since we ultimately see the world through our own eyes, I believe that others are free as well, to some extend. So, I assume that I have free will so does she. She wants to do it, she wants to have sex, she wants to be with somebody tonight, therefore, the concept of " that easy", do not come in play. There is no effort, again I am not trying to make her do anything, she wants to or she does not. And it goes both ways, she does not make me do things either, I do it, that's freedom. The same way I had a specific mind-set when I left home, I assume that she had hers, and we meet, click or don't click. If we don't click, I will talk to somebody else, so will she. But I do understand what you mean, I still see many women who want to be convinced, which almost imply that they don't take responsibility for their choices, almost as if they relinquished their free will for a moment. Freedom implies that you don't hide behind " he made me do it" , or " the booze made me do it" , or whatever, you make your own choices, you do it. So, what happens as you become more and more aware, more and more in your business ( less trying to make others do things or believing you can, which goes both ways), you look for people who are the same so you might be attracted to women who are a bit more mature ( mentally speaking , and maybe physically too I don't know..lol), women who know what they want, so you don't have to try to make them do anything.

E: Okay, I see what you mean, that make sense. My next question is, if no more lying, seduction, role playing etc..just be honest I'm going to lose too many girls, man because I know nothing about tennis for instance, but I had sex with a girl who loved tennis. I just had to love tennis to connect with her. See, what I mean.

S: Yes, I see that, well the problem there is that you are more interested on " the outcome", which is " the next moment" , " the future" , " goal", than you are interested on " the beginning" , " this Present moment" , " the NOW" , "the journey"... forgetting than LIFE is NOW, what IS ,not what IS NOT ( future). Now, it sounds weird, let me elaborate. You are in that predicament because you just want to score, so suddenly it doesn't matter who it is, only " the outcome" , matters. That way you have quantity but not quality ( for you of course, because that quality is relative to you).  Instead of just thinking of the outcome, think of connecting. Suddenly your problem is resolved, you connect NOW, " This moment" , that way you won't have as many people, but you won't lie to the one you have because if she likes art you actually like art too, if she like basketball you actually like basketball too. You are not faking anything, yes you won't have as many girls anymore, because you simply can not connect with every body , people like different things, but you will actually enjoy ( which is NOW) the conversation with whomever you are , you will actually enjoy talking about whatever you both like and suddenly you are not lying anymore, instead of being bored and constantly waiting for when you will finally be in the bedroom.

E: It actually make sense. Not bad ,dude.


S: Yes, man, through inquiry you rectify your reasoning. Right reasoning, which can also be called discernment, is like a lantern in front of you lighting the way, helping you travel in this world which can sometimes feel like a dark cave. Sharpen your mind.
Okay, what's next, hit me..

E: I think that would be my last one, now since you are being all honest, non convincing, non persuasion  etc.... do you want me to go hey, want to come over,, she says NO, I don't persist , and go to the next one.

S: you see, Mind loves the opposites, the path of freedom is the middle path which contains the opposites yet is beyond both. Let me explain.
Now you are trying to paint the picture of the guy who afraid of girls, ask almost hesitantly or in fear like state. The opposite will be the guy who is cocky and believe that " he is the man". Well, you are not afraid but you are not arrogant either, you are simply honest, there resides freedom beyond the opposites yet encompass both. And you are also aware take information in, pay attention to queues. Let's me elaborate, we have all had the girl who give you the " one word answer" , like:  (you) Hey how are you doing ,(her) " I'm good",(you) I like your dress,..(her) thank you, (you) where did you buy it I should probably get a dress like that for my sister ....(her) downtown...

What's wrong in that scenario. No interest at all , she doesn't talk back, doesn't try to connect back, take the queue, move on ....because between you and I, if she was interested she was going to say something a bit more specific than " downtown", at least to try to spark a conversation, but she didn't. So, there you go,  stop, move on, no need to try to force anything, or make her say something.

Now, scenario 2:  ( you )  Hey, how you doin' ..(her) I'm good and you ...( you) I have had better days but I think the day is about to turn up...( her) ,,,,it's turning up huh, why? ....please don't say because you saw me, too cheesy ...(you) ouch , you got me, I was just about to say that  ..( you both giggle)... (you) so, what's your name  (her) Jamie.., (you) nice to meet you, Jamie,..and may I say, you look lovely Jamie... (her) ..thank you , you like....(you) yes, great dress....(her) guess how much it cost ...(you) I'm so not a metro sexual man, I have no idea....(her) just 40 bucks,,,,it was on sale...I had to have it ....and by the way what do you have against metro sexual man....my best friend is a metro sexual man...
....bla bla bla....etc.......
I can continue for a while,.....but you get the point...... what's the difference between scenario one and scenario two, scenario 2 flows.....see the conversation is going, about every thing and nothing and it is a two ways street , like I said you have never picked up a girl, you pick each other up. When the conversation flows like that, it just happens, you connect, no need to be the guy who is afraid to talk to girls or the opposite, the guy who is cocky and believe that "he" make them do anything. It happens or doesn't , it flows or does not, when it doesn't, it is not because " you didn't lie enough, or persuade enough, or convince enough etc... " it simply didn't .
See what I'm saying.

E: Yeah, totally, that was good .....you still got game....(lol)
S: Technically, I have no more game , don't play roles, mind games etc.... but yes, still have conversation .....
E: Okay, man, you convinced me, I'm gonna start to inquire, doing your questioning thing. It is not total crap after all.
S:  Thank you, but again, I didn't convince you, I simply presented my case, answer your questions and you made your own choice ...( lol..)
Nice, my job here is done, peace out, man.



Peace and Love, and Thank you for the support.

A battered woman realizes that she is not a total victim and he is not a total villain.

Her name is Andrea.

S: So, Sarah,what are we talking about today?.
A: My boyfriend.
S: Okay, then let it rip.


A: I'm mad at Dave ( the boyfriend ), because he is physically abusive.
I want him to want me to prosper, he doesn't want me to prosper every time I make 2 steps forward he brings me back down.
I need him to care, to love me, to stop hitting me, to pay more attention to me.
He should let me breathe a little, and just stop hating me so much.
I think he is an asshole, and  he is cheating on me.



S: Okay, then, we got our work cut out for us, don't we?  ...( she smiles....).
 Let's start with the second one, that one will give us more insight.
How doesn't he want you to prosper?.
A: Every time I get some money, he asks for it, although he knows I need it to do my own things, to look for my own gigs, I'm an actress he is an artist too, a singer.
S: Well, when somebody ask you for something, you can say NO.
A: He always tells me that he needs it to make his dream happen, and that he also has connections for me, that when he does his music he gets in contacts with people in the movie industry, so that he will also help me find some gigs.
But then he takes the money go out there and doesn't do anything with it, he goes out there just use it on booze and smoke with his stupid friends as they are "making music" ( she air quotes ).
S: Then what happens?
A: Then he comes back and I ask him what did he do with the money, what did he concretely do with it and he does not give me a straight answer, we have an argument and then it becomes physical.
S: Let's dig in the argument for a second, tell me what it's said, what do you say to him.

A: I tell him that he is an asshole, that he doesn't love me, that he does not want me to prosper, that after all we have been through he still hasn't changed, that you don't care, about me, ( she starts to get riled up, her body starts to shake as she is saying it and it starts to change from ...I tell him,,,,to simply saying ...You ...as if she was experiencing it right now....which is true,,,she is ..)
you don't care about me, do you? , you never have, we have been together for 5 years now, and you still don't want to change you are an asshole, after all that you have put me through you just don't care, you just don't get it, you just don't want to get it, you still a little prick, that's what you are, a prick, an asshole, what did you do with the money, you took it to go see your little sluts..huh... you take my money and to go to those bitches, huh, that's why you didn't call me the entire day, that's why you didn't pick up the phone when I called huh, that's why? that's why? you were with her, weren't you,  you just don't care , you just don't care about me anymore..... I feed you and then you go out and you don't call for days, and tell me you are "trying to make it" ( she air quotes ), right ...you are with her, or them, I don't know, but you are definitely not here, isn't that right...just like the last time you cheated on me, you are the same, you cheated, then you left me and I  moved on, then you came back begged me to come back, I come back and you treat me the same, you just don't get it, you just don't get it,,,, I hate you .....you are an asshole, you just don't care.... ( she is gasping.....she is taking deep breaths,  her body is relaxing....., she is coming back to herself...).

( I give her , a minute......just silence, let her be ....).

S: Okay, Andrea nice to have you back. Then what happens, Andrea?
A: He gets mad, and says that he can't take it another, and he tries to leave, I go after him and he hits.
S: Okay, Then, after he hits you and you are on the ground, what happens?, how do you feel? what do you want to do?
A: I cry then I just want to run away, I pack my bags, I just want to leave.
S: Then, what happens ?
A: He stops me, tell me that he is sorry.
S: And what happens? , what do you say to him? , how do you treat him? , what do you do?.
A: I ask him to care, and he gives me what I want.
S: Okay, then what happens?...
A: Then he cares for a while we are okay.
S: Until the next argument right?
A: Yes, I guess.
S: Okay , good, Andrea we just did a cycle. So, let's recap it so that you see it clearly before we dive into it. So, we have, you give the money, he takes the money, doesn't do anything according to you, comes back you talk about the past, he hits, you want to run away he consoles you , he "cares",  everything is fine for a while until next episode.

Can you see that. It's like a movie, that's the plot. I can just take that piece of paper, and the second you give the money I can tell you what will happen next, that's why It's called a cycle, look at it first, take that in.

A: Okay, I see what you mean, nothing change , it's the same over and over again. But what can I do?.
S: You'll know pretty soon. We are going to dive in every segment of it and break it down. We needed to put it in a cycle first, it's like a map. Now, we can explore it.
So, first why do you give the money when you know that you need that money for yourself?
A: Well, if I don't give him the money, he will say that I don't believe in his dream.
S: Whose business is it to believe in his dream?
A: I don't think I fully understand the question.
S: well, there is only 3 businesses in Life, yours, the others and God or Life or Nature...( which would be things which are out of our control )
S: So, so whose business is it to believe in his dream?
A: I guess, His...
S: And whose business is it to believe in your dream?
A: i guess Mine....
S: Yes, people think that when we are in a relationship we suddenly become "this one entity" which has two lives, not really, you still have your life and he has his, even twins sometimes believe in different things.
A: Yes, I see what you are saying. But if I don't give him the money  he will say that I don't care about him and his dream.
S: Okay, Is it true?
A: No, it is not.
S: Well, that's the answer to that. NO, it is not true. You care about him and his dream but you also care about yours.
A: But if I don't give him the money he is going to leave saying that he then has to go out and find a way to get the money.
S: Ah, okay so you are trying to buy his Presence, << if I give him the money he is not going to leave and be out there for too long>>
A: I guess. ( she says....slightly shocked as she is becomes aware ).
S: Well, stop trying to bribe him, his presence or his Love.
A: As you said that I just realized that I give him the money because I think that if I don't he will go to a next girl to get it.
S: Good, that's not really giving, is it?
A: No, it is not, it is trying to control him.
S: And the irony is if he wants to go to somebody else, he still can.
A: Yes, that's right.
S: Okay, so because of your fear of the next woman you deprive him of Love and you deprive Yourself of your own dream.
A: How do I deprive him of Love?
S: Well, the act of giving is an act of Love, but you don't give, you try to control, which is useless anyway, since he can still do what he wants.
A:...oh ..yes, you are totally right, I have never seen it like that. ( she is shaking her head...).
S: And then of course you micromanage him with the money, and probably resent him for not doing what he said he would do. Do you know the cure for that?
A: Yes, I do it myself.
S: Yes, you are in charge of your dream, nobody else. This collective belief that when you are in a relationship the other suddenly become partially responsible for your dream is insane and illogical, you had the dream before you met him, how is anybody else but you responsible for your dream. Unless you truly don't want to realize your dream and you are looking for an escape goat, a villain to blame for your failure.
S: Okay, next when he comes back home and he  hasn't done what he said he was going to do, the conversation seem to go back to a previous cheating, not the money, NOW. Have you moved on from it?
A: Yes, I have but when he does what he does, my mind goes back there. Well, that means you haven't fully moved on from it. You should question that in detail first. Now, you said : I want him to want me to prosper, he doesn't want me to prosper every time I do 2 steps forward he brings me back down. Turn that around for me.
( she looks confused....).
A: huh, me, okay ..., I want to want him to prosper, I don't want him to prosper every time he takes 2 steps forward I bring him back down.
S: Can you see how you do that?
A: No, I am supportive give him all my money and every thing I can.
S: Well, when he came back from whatever, your argument was on the past can you stop bringing him back down, can you let him move on, or do you have to bring him back there all the time.
A: (....she cries...) you are right, I have never seen it like that.
S: There is another turn around left. probably the most important.
A: I want me to want me to prosper, I don't want myself to prosper every time I do 2 steps forward I bring myself back down. ( she cries ,,,even more.... as she realizes what she is been doing to herself).
S: Well, yes, people believe that by holding on the pain they are punishing the other, what they don't realize is that they are also punishing themselves. You are still back there, are you ready to move on? , to prosper? .
A: Yes, I am.
S: Good. Okay, next he hits you, then you want to run away, he consoles you, you get " what you want", " he gives you anything you want, he cares.
S: When you get " what you want". how do you feel?
A: I feel happy, he finally cares.
 S: And as you are packing your bags, do you truly want to leave?
A: No, to be honest I just want him to care, to feel sorry for what he did.
S: So, you used the guilt over the past ( he cheated ), acted( run away but don't really want to), manipulated the situation to finally get what you want ... he finally cares.
A: I did that? , I can't believe I did that , Am I that mean?.
S: No. You were just Lost, every body is looking for Love, you were simply looking for it the wrong way. When you want him to feel sorry for you, it's actually looking for pity, sympathy, how you are such a victim and that he should care, you confuse that with Love.
A: Yes, I can see  that Now.
S: Let the past go and you are not a victim anymore, it's gone. Then he will care or he won't, for you NOW.
S: Okay, next ... you need him to care, to love you, to stop hitting you, to pay more attention to you. How do you react when it does not happen?
A: here we go, again ......( she sighs...) I use the past as a weapon  to make him care, I try to make him feel guilty to make him care.
S: Can you stop doing that? , and Love him when he cares, and Love him when he does not care.
A: Yes, I can do that.
S: Next, he should let you breathe, stop hating you so much.
A: ( she burst out laughing ) .....That's so me, I am the one doing that. I should let him breathe and stop hating him so much.
S: Good, I like when people get it themselves...( lol ).
S: Next, How do you react when you think that he is cheating on you?

A: I get paranoid, I can't trust him, I look for proofs all over the places. I truly become a bitch. After I scream at him accusing him of cheating, I want him to hold me and if he does not, I tell myself that it is because he has somebody else, I mean now I see that it sounds insane the man is just mad  that's why he does not want to touch me but that's what I believed at the time . So, I want to run away to somebody who is going to comfort me, and I did and I cheated ( she is crying ..) it was all me, just me reacting to my own thoughts...I can't believe it. But from that day, I have felt so guilty, so bad, so ashamed it's too painful. I beat myself up, and then I go to him wanting him to make me feel better, but I become clingy, needy and bring the past back again and it only end up in beating again.

S: I guess, we discover another cycle. Good. So, you get paranoid, you accuse, you look for comfort, it doesn't happen, you go somewhere else, you feel bad, guilty, ashamed you try to get to him to make the guilt, the shame go away, it does not happen, and back on accusations then get hit again. Then probably try to manipulate situation to finally get him to care .

A: Wow, when you put it like that, I feel insane, I do all that? ....who is that person?
S: Well, she is the one who is lost and looking for Love in the wrong place, that's all.
S: So, tell me what you tell to yourself as you beat yourself up in that cycle.
A: I say to myself, you are a whore, you are a slut, you cheated, you are a bitch. You deserve to be punished.
S: Now, do you see why when you come back you want him to make you feel better. It has nothing to do with him, it is you reacting to your own mind and trying to prove it wrong.
A: Yes, It is ,, I see that now. ( she is sobbing....).
S: When your mind say something instead of reacting and trying to prove it wrong, answer it .... Are you a whore?
A: No, I am not.
S: That's that, that's the answer to that, no need to react, to fight yourself, to want to prove it wrong by making somebody else say that you are not or comforting you etc......do it yourself, only YOU can set you free.
S: But to go one step further how do you feel when you believe that you are a whore and you take the beating.
A: I feel like I deserve it, I give up, I feel like he is punishing me, that he already knows. I almost want him to beat me,  so that the pain can go away, so that he can forgive me. ( I can't believe I just said that, she moaned under her breath ..)
S: Yes, you are already beating yourself mentally, so it is only normal that he does it physically isn't it? .... furthermore.....physical pain goes away faster doesn't it? tomorrow you might not feel it anymore, but mental pain can stay there forever. Now, you understand the mental cycle between the pimp and the prostitute they are reflecting each other mental states. There is no total victim , no total villain.
A: Yes, exactly that.
S: Yes, but what you don't get in the entire scenario is again , that only YOU can set you free, can you forgive yourself?, let the guilt go... aren't you tired of all that pain? ...all that non sense.
A: I am tired of it all.
( she is silent..., tears streaming down, body fully relaxed....)
A: I feel so alive,...it is like I'm back to myself.
S: Yes, Now, how would you be if you weren't holding on to the past, to the guilt, trying to manipulate situation to feel loved, using guilt to do so......etc....How would you be?

A: Wow, I will be ME, just ME, no more pain, relaxed happy , ME... not that crazy bitch we just saw, just ME.
S: Yes, that's all you wanted all along, instead of I need him to pay attention to me, to love me, etc... it's I need me to pay attention to me, to Love me...that's freedom. And then you will be just Present, Alive with him too...
A: Now, I don't know what to do, should I break up with him?
S: I am not here to tell you what to do, just here to help you free yourself, then you will know what to do yourself.. What do you want to do?
A: I don't want to break up with him, I love him,  I just truly realized it, If I take all the insanity out, I truly love him.
S: Well, that's that, then. Relationship are not just about the body only, she is hot, I'm hot, let's do it. There is more to it. Many relationships happen because of the two partner emotional/mental states, they fit so that they can become aware of themselves, the world is there to make you aware. Now you have learned some lessons, and I hope you will continue, keep questioning. So, you will go back and be Present and observe yourself and him too, and he might start to become aware of his demons too and you might evolve together or you might realize that : Okay I have learned every thing I was supposed to learn from this relationship, it is time to move on it doesn't fit me anymore. It is a good thing that you learned it now because if you hadn't, you would have left Dave for john to Jim etc... but always the same thing until you get it.
Don't worry you will know what to do.
Just be Present and evolve.

A: Thank you.
S: Your are welcome.



Peace and Love, and thank you for your support.

I lost my job ( Jack).

S: Okay, Jack, what's your story?

J: I am frustrated because I lost my job, and I can't get a new one.
I want to be able to provide for my family.
I need to provide for my family.
I should be working.
I think it is not fair.

S: Okay, Jack, you are frustrated because you lost your job and can't get a new one. Is it true?
J: Yes.
S: Can you absolutely know that is true?
J: No.
S: How do you react ( how do you feel , what do you see etc...)when you believe that?
J: I feel small, I feel useless, I get angry at myself, I snap at my children for no reason, I feel frustrated, I beat myself up.
S: Okay, what do you say to yourself as you beat yourself up.
J: You won't find a job, jack, you are useless, you are worthless, you are not a man.
S: And how do you react to that?, how do you react to << won't find a job, are worthless, not a man ..>>
J: I go out and look for work even more, try harder, but as I don't find it I feel even worse about myself, I feel ashamed.
S: Okay, Jack, pretty simple cycle. Now , can you see that looking for a job is not frustrating, that it is that whole cycle which is?
J: Yes, I can see that, but the whole cycle only arise because I am looking for a job.
S: Are you sure of that?, the action of looking for a job simply is. Your reaction to it, is your own.
J: I see what you mean.
S: Let's question what you say to yourself as you beat yourself.
You won't find a job, jack . Is it true?
J: I mean, I don't know but I certainly hope that's not true.
S: Just look at the statement, for a second, Jack... I won't find a job.. Is it true?
J: I don't know.
S: Well, technically that statement is false simply because you can not prove me that it is true. I mean are you a psychic, can you see the future?, you can not tell me that you know with certitude that you will not find a job.
J: hum..., I see what you are saying now. So, no that's not true. It is weird to say that, it's like it just gave me hope.
S: Yes, your mind simply opened itself to possibilities. How do you react when you believe that you won't, though ?.
J: I feel defeated, i feel down, low, I feel like I'm fighting against the world.
S: And to go one step further, what happens when you don't find a job the next day.
J: I feel even worse.
S: Yes, but what do you tell yourself?
J: hum..., I don't know.
S: Well, you probably tell yourself, see I knew it, I knew I wouldn't find anything. Which imply that although you were trying you didn't fully believe that you could do it. And if you find something you might say  << I can't believe it>> and be surprised, again which imply exactly that, that you didn't fully believe that you can it.
J: Yes, yes, I say ,, I knew it, and I didn't see the correlation with not fully believing in myself. And I certainly didn't see how from even finding something and be exited I was still fully believing in myself.
S: Yes, most people don't, but the less doubts you have in your mind the less exited or impressed you are when something that you were working on become true. It is not arrogance, though, it is slightly beyond confidence, it is what religious people would call Faith, it is what I call a doubtless mind, it was already given to you before it actually arrived, so it is not a surprise anymore.
S: So, how would you react if you didn't believe that << you wouldn't find a job>>
J: Wow, I would be ecstatic, I mean, if I felt like I would find a job I would be on the moon.
S: Well, technically, we never said that you would find a job, again the mind loves the opposites, I won't find a job or I will a job, let me show you the middle path. So, how would you feel just not believing that you wouldn't find a job.
J: hum , I see. less exited, more cautious, yet not feeling low.
S: Exactly, Open to possibilities, not close off in a specific mind set.
S: Okay, next, because you don't have a job, you are useless, you are worthless? Is it true?
J: No, it's not, but I feel like it.
S: You feel like it because your sense of identity is wrapped up in being the provider, as that role is being taken away from you, a part of your sense of self is being dissolved. Don't fight it, where there was form, ego before now the formless, consciousness will shine through if you let the process happen.
So, because you don't have a job you are not a man , Is it true?
J: No, it is.
S: How do you react when you believe that?
J: I feel ashamed, small , when I see children and I can't provide for them, it breaks my heart.
S: Okay, I get that, but why the shame?
J: I feel like I'm not their father anymore, like I have failed them.
S: Okay, so because you can't provide for your children you are not their father anymore. Is it true?
J: Of course not.
S: Okay, how have you failed them?.
J: By not providing for them.
S: When I was young, my dad used to say, Son, I can only give you what I have, when I have nothing I can only give you that. So, how have you failed your children, by refusing to give them what you have, what you can. Are you supposed to have in all time?.
J: Well, no, I guess.
S: So, you don't have now, how would you feel if you didn't believe that you have failed your children.
J: I would be able to look at them in the eyes.
S: Yes, Love, being able to see them, and see Yourself, I mean you have already lost your job, no need to lose Love too....especially when that's Free...
( he laughs, for the first time since the beginning of the conversation).
J: Yes, you are right.
S: By the same token, how would you treat your wife ?
J: I would connect with her a bit more, spend more time with her, help her more.
S: I mean it's the least you can do ( lol ). Many people say that the lost of a job broke up their marriage, when in most cases it's actually their own egos who broke up their relationships. They lost themselves in their own mental stories and became more and more distant until it feel like they are so far from each other that they might as well be stranger.
It does not have to be like that, you can actually bond even more.
J: Yes, but I feel like that would be wrong.
S: What would be wrong?
J: Me, all happy, loving everything when I lost my job. It's like I'm content, and I"m not looking for work.
S: Okay, if you are not angry about a specific situation you can not take action. Is it true?
( he is pondering..)
J: I mean, I don't know , but I feel like I need the anger to fuel me, if I don't have the anger and I accept it , I stop fighting and I won't take any action.

S: This concept that you need anger to take action is simply not true. You do not need any kind of fuel to take action, you take action because there is a situation in front of you which requires that an action is taken. And you definitely do not need a toxic fuel like anger or fear for that matter. You don't need to think of how you might lose your house before you take an action. Fear and Anger is to the body what all the toxic wastes are to the environment; pollutants. It is because of that mind-set that people seems to constantly wait  "for the disaster" before they take an action. Anger and fear are toxic energy they disturb the whole, love and happiness harmonizes things. Be happy, Loving and look for work.

J: Yes, it seems to make sense.
S: Okay, next, I think I should be working Is it true?.
J: Yes.
S: How do you react when you believe that you should be working NOW , and you are not.
J: I get frustrated, angry.
S: Well, that's what happens when you don't accept what < IS>> , first.
You shouldn't be working, why ? , because you are Not.
J: But I can't accept that, because If I accept that I feel like I won't be looking for work anymore or I gave up.
S: Again, accepting what IS, do not mean you don't take action, actually it means you take action which are more in alignment with the reality that you are facing. It is because of that mind-set that so many things in this world seem to be "stuck". Accepting for instance that teenagers have sex do not mean that you encourage them, but you take the action which is in alignment which Reality, so you distribute condoms. Until very recently, the Catholic church wouldn't promote condoms because they wouldn't accept that people have sex before marriage. The same reason why, teenagers are still put in jail for smoking weed because people won't accept that they smoke. Reality is not what " you want", but simply what " IS". You can deal with what " IS" , not with what " IS NOT"( which is what you want).

J: Okay, I see.
S: So, how do you react when you realize that you should not be working NOW , because you are not, and  the punch line is NOW, we don't know what will happen a day for NOW, which will still be NOW, of course.
J: I guess, I have a certain level of acceptance. A certain calm. ( his shoulders drop down, he relaxes).
S: Yes, a certain peace, from there, now you can look for solutions, actions to take but they are not coming from fear, anger or non-acceptance.
S: And finally last one, it is not fair. Is it true?
J: Yes, I think so.
S: Okay, how you react when you believe that?
J: I get angry, pissed off, it feels like it wasn't supposed to happen.
S: Well, again unless you know the future, you can't say, that it wasn't supposed to happen. Again, how do you know it was supposed to happen? , well it did. There is no need to argue with Reality, what is , IS, what happened, Happened. Live Now, Be here NOW, not in the past.

J: Yeah , that make sense.
J: thank you.
S: You are welcome.


Peace and Love and Thank you for the support.