A conversation with a friend about fame.

Marc: I can't wait until I make it I will be so famous, have so much money, so many girls around me, I will be so happy.

S: Okay, let's talk about that. You are famous, what is so great about it?
M: Well, it means that I'm a somebody, I'm known everywhere, I'm the man, I'm respected, I'm loved.
S: Okay, first one, right now you are not somebody. Is it true?
M: Yes, it is, I am nobody for now, but that won't be for long believe me ..( he said proudly ..).
S: Okay, so now you have no existence is that what you are saying?
M: Of course not, I exist.
S: So, technically you are somebody.
M: Yes, but you know what I mean, I don't mean it like that....
S:  No, I don't, Say what you mean and mean what you say. Like what? ...Tell me ....
M: I mean, I'm somebody but not known.
S: Okay, so you mean  by being famous you will be known.
M: Yes.
S: Okay, but we can both first agree that you are somebody already, right?
M: Okay, right.
S: Now, how do you react when you believe that you are nobody?
M: I feel empty, it's like I don't exist, It's like I don't see myself.
S: Yes, you are not HERE, you are in the next moment where you are finally somebody, forgetting that LIFE is NOW. So, technically, everybody is somebody. And what do you see when you realize that you are somebody.
M: I am here.
S: Yes, you are Here, the only place you can be anyway. So, what's the difference between believing in the concept of " somebody" and not? ; the difference is PRESENCE or ABSENCE, ....LIFE or DEATH, that's a huge difference.
 ( he looks shocked as he thinks of the implications....)
M: Yes, I can see that ....I get the presence or absence, but why LIFE and death.
S: Well, first LIFE is only NOW, if you are not NOW you are then technically dead, and like you said yourself you couldn't see yourself while believing " I am nobody" , so technically you didn't exist, so death.
M: Okay, yeah , I get that. ( he smiles, in sign of understanding ...)
S: Okay, good, now so, we both agree that everybody is somebody. But we can also both agree that everybody is not known. So, by being famous, known, you will be happy....Is it true? , that was your first statement.
M: Of course, it is the girls, the money, etc...yeah I will be happy.
S: Okay, can't you talk to girls without fame?, the money gives you some level of freedom that's true, but not happiness. And the girls you are talking about are only here because of the fame they don't really know you.
M: You think I care, I know that, I'm fine with that, I will bang them anyway.
S: That you will, but do you know why so many famous people say that they are lonely, it is not because the girls are not there, it is simply because they don't connect with any of them, and they do not connect with you either. That's the part that you don't pay attention to, and before you know it the loneliness will creep on you and hit you without you even realizing what happened.
M: I get your point.
S: So, fame will make you happy , I mean truly happy ...Is it true?
M: Not really, just on the surface I guess.
S: Okay, and how do you react when you believe that fame will make you happy?
M: My entire mind is on, when I finally make it.

S: Exactly, you forget to appreciate the NOW, you don't even see the journey.

And let me put it like this, let's say you are an artist and your goal is to play an arena of 30 000 people and finally after 2 years you finally book that arena, guess what? technically, it is only 1 day, just one day, not even on entire day. That's what it is in REALITY, just one night, one concert. And you spent 2 years which is (360 times 2 ) 720 days waiting for that, not fully enjoying 720 NOW, you see how insane it is. And then you are going to wonder why after that ONE night you are not That happy or you are for a while but pretty soon you are not anymore. Well, That One night can not substitute 720 others. That's what happens when your entire attention is on " the goal", " the dream". You miss the mark, LIFE is NOW.

S: So, fame is going to make you happy , Is it true? .
M: I guess, not. But, I mean so you are trying to tell me that I shouldn't try to make it.

S: No, not at all. You love what you are doing, you do it. I'm just making you aware of the story you believe around it. Believing that happiness is " There" , instead of "Here" , first.
Moreover, people like to " romanticize" things. REALITY is a slightly different. Constant interviews, people asking you questions all the time, people wanted to talk about your life like it was their own, the constant traveling...etc..... You see at the beginning you only wanted to paint " a pretty picture", you have to paint the whole picture, that's Reality.
When you do that, you suddenly realize , it is great but not that great and probably on "its own" can not make you " happy". So, you step away for the concept of it.

M: Yes, I see what you are saying, but now I almost don't even want to do anything, I almost feel depressed I feel like why would even do anything. ( he looks sad..., chin down..)

S: It is fine, that you feel low, it is simply because we broke your " pink glasses", everything is not all rosy and perfect anymore. That's good because now you won't be disappointed because you didn't have irrational expectations, your mind is centered in Reality not in fantasy. And to answer you second question, why would you even do it now?, for the reason you started to do it in the first place, because you love it. See, we just shifted your attention from " there" , " fame, great this, that,,,,,out there.....back to HERE,  Yourself, I enjoy it with or without fame. There resides happiness, NOW. Then, the money will come, the girls will come, etc.....but you will be aware and slightly Free from it, you will know what's real and what is not.

M: I fully see what you mean, Now....
S: So, enjoy now, enjoy being a struggling artist, be Present, you can only enjoy THE NOW, anyway.
M: Okay, will do.
S: Okay, next, being famous, means that you are respected? Is it true?
M: Now that I look at it, I guess not,( he looks disappointed ..) I know many famous people who are not respected.
I don't even know why I thought of " respect".
S: Well, I think you did, in the sense of proving a point, as saying << see, I made it , I wasn't wasting my time after all >> ?, I am assuming that somebody told you that you were wasting your time.
( he raises his eyebrows....)
M: Yes, exactly, how do you know that? ...
S: Well, I'm a writer, my parents, my friends said that to me, and anyway somebody has said it to an artist at one time or the other. So, the question becomes , << you need to gain their respect? ..or you need to prove them wrong? Is it true?

M: I guess not.
S: How does it feel when you are trying to prove them wrong, or gain their respect.
M: It feels tiring, stressful. I just keep fighting.
S: Exactly, how does it fell when you don't believe that you need to prove them wrong, or gain their respect or even their approval.
M: I'm relaxed, I'm more me.
S: Yes, and you enjoy your Art more, too. So, you need to be respected. Is it true?
M: I guess not.
S: You don't, people have the right to have opinions, you don't need to fight them. The concept that everybody is supposed to support you or like what you are doing is illogical. Okay, turn that around for me, << I need them ( family, friends, the world) to respect me.
M: I am not sure, how to do that.
S: Turn it back on Yourself.
M: I need me to respect me.
S: Yes, Respect Yourself, Respect your Art , don't bring animosity, tension in it, be Present and Enjoy it.
M: Yes, you are right...( he almost has tears in his eyes....).
S: When you will be famous you will be loved. Is it true?
M: I guess, not really or at least not by everybody there are always " haters" .
S: So, the answer is NO.
S: How do you react when you believe that being famous is going to make people love you.
M: I try so hard to get there, I want it so bad.
S: Yes, but how would you be if you didn't believe that?.
M: I guess, I would be more relaxed.
S: Yes, enjoy Yourself more, and pay attention to the Love you have around you NOW, not the illusory Love you are supposed to get " in the future, when you are famous".
M: I don't have lots of people who support me, now though.
S: Who said that when people Love you they are always supposed to support you, they still have they own opinions.  My dad told me that he thought it was a waste of time being a writer that I should do something more concrete. And that's okay, I respect his opinion, and I understand that it doesn't mean he doesn't Love me, he was just being honest with his son, that's all, he still loves me and I still love him. So, they don't have to support you.
M: Yeah, that make sense.
S: So, we did it. How do you feel?
M: I guess, I feel more appreciative of the moment, and I have a different view of the dream, now.
S: My job here is done, then, peace out.




Peace and Love, and Thank you for your support.

A conversation with An Artist.. 1hour before he is about to perfom for the first time in front of a crowd...

 Artist's name :  Treyvor.

Tr: What are they going to think of it? . are they going to like it? , are they going to make fun of me? , what if I'm not good enough ? , what if they all hate me? , what if  I become nothing?, what if I become a nobody? , what if I am not good enough?. what if I don't succeed?, what if I fail? , what if I don't make it? , what if all of that work was for nothing?.

S: Most people, would tell you, this is just << nerves>> , and tell you that you are going to be great. But, I'm a little different, so, let's do something else, let's question all that, or should I say let's answer it . We will turn some of your questions into statements.

S: Okay, you need to know what they are going to think of it? Is it true?
T: No , I don't...and I can't know that.
S: Okay, you need them to like it ? Is it true?
T: Yes, it is.
S: How you react when  you believe that ?
T: I try to make songs that they will like.
S: Exactly you just lost Yourself, you are not expressing Yourself anymore , in the business it's called going commercial. So, as weird as it sounds you need YOU like it.
S: Okay, next, they make fun of you, then what?
T: I feel ridiculed, I feel like a joke.
S: Then what? . ...are you going to stop making music?
T: No...
S: So, does it matter?
T: I guess not...huh...weird ....
S: Okay, next you are not good enough?. Is it true? ,,, first good enough for what?
T: Good enough...for them to like it I guess....
S: So, if they don't like it, it mean you are not good enough .. Is it true?
T: No....it does not, it just means they don't like it.
S: Nice, okay, next, I will become nothing. Is it true?
T: I don't know that.
S: So, definitely not true.
T: Yeah.....right.
S: Next, I will become a nobody? Is it true?
T: No, I don't know that , so Not true.
S: And technically, nobody is nobody, they are exactly themselves. But let's not go too deep, you got a show to perform. So, next , I'm not going to succeed. Is it true?
T: No, not true.
S: Next, I'm going to fail ...Is it true?
T: Nah....
S: All of it was for nothing ? ....Is it true?
T: Nah , I was doing what I love.
S: Exactly.

Now, I can tell you, go ahead you are going to be Great, simply because you will be YOU, then what happens, happens.... Peace out.... Rock the House, the man.....





Peace and Love and Thank you for you support.

A conversation with a new Mom..

Her name is  Allison.

S: So, Allison, what are we talking about today?.
A: My baby, my little girl.
S: Okay, Let's hear it.

A: I am exhausted, depressed because Jenny won't stop crying.
I just want her to stop, I just want her to let me sleep.
I need her to stop crying for a second.
She should know that it's not easy for me she is my first.
I think it's unfair.

S: Okay, Allison, you are exhausted, depressed because Jenny won't stop crying. Is it true?
A: Yes, it is.
S: Can you absolutely know that?..
A: Oh, yeah. ( she responds with complete assurance...).
S: How do you react when you believe that?, where does your mind bring you?, what do you see ? ....
A: I get really cranky, I get low, depressed, my mind show me all the thing I have to do that I can barely manage to do, all the hours of sleep I'm going to miss.
S: Then what? , when you see all those thing that you have to do, and that you feel you won't be able to do...how do you react ?
A: what you mean?
S: I mean your mind probably quickly look for a solution to that remedy, what is it?
A: huh, right, I want to call Jim ( my husband ), to help me, but he is always busy at work of course ( she says it as if she didn't believe, rolling her eyes...), so I yell at him which turns out to to be unproductive, so then I try to find a way to do it myself and as I don't find one, I feel trapped.
S: And as you feel trapped, how you react to that? , how do you try to not be trapped anymore?
A: I try to find a solution for my time management, such as putting the baby in her crib while I am trying to do my daily chores, but then she starts crying, I try to ignore her for a while but as she keeps crying I start to feel guilty so I go get her, but now I can't do anything anymore.. I 'm right back where I started.

S: Now, Allison, after saying what you just said, you are exhausted, depressed because  Jenny won't stop crying . Is it true?
A:  I don't know anymore.
S: Well, by just looking at the cycle, I got exhausted, that's exhausting , not Jenny crying, Jenny crying just IS ...but that entire reaction is what is exhausting. Lets recap it so , you can see it clearly, before we dive into it.


Baby cry, see all things I have to do, (mentally decide not enough time) , then see all the hours of sleep I will have to lose to try to finish my mental list, then look for solution how can still do mental list and not lose sleep, call Husband when already expect him to be busy...yell at him......feel trapped because still no solution to mental list.....then new solution.....put baby down......baby cry again .....guilt (beat myself up I'm not a good mother)...so pick up baby.....back to beginning.

S: Can you see that, Allison , THAT is  exhausting...and depressing....
A: Yes, I can see that , now, when put like this, it really sound exhausting, even crazy.

S: It was always like this, I didn't put it in a special way , I just put it on paper so that you can fully see it. In your mind it happens on automatic, on paper you can see it, make it still for a second. Now, how would you be if the baby was crying and you didn't do all THAT?
A:  Wow, as weird as it sounds, I actually feel elated, like an heavy weight as been taken off my shoulder. But I still have the list though.
S: Okay, first of all do you finish your list every day?
A: No ...( she said disappointed in herself )
S: And are you Okay ?... as something gone terribly wrong because you haven't finished the list?
A: No,  not yet.
S: So, you are fine the way you are NOW, but decide that you can not be because you need to finish your list of chores. Is that right?
A: When you say it like that? , it sound like I'm insane.
S: No, you were just Identified with your mental story of  how all need to be done NOW, that you forgot to see what IS , and that you are fine , NOW. Moreover, you do one chore at the time it is the mental accumulation which is overwhelming. Doing one chore is easy , doing 10 is a bit more challenging. So, instead of trying to do 10 all at once( mentally speaking), can you do one at the time? .
A: Yes, it makes sense, when I sometimes wake up in the morning and just think about what I have to do, I feel tired right away before I have even done one thing.
S: Yes, that's because you think of 10, 20 things ...bring it back to ONE, that's easy.

S: Okay, so next , you need her to stop crying for a second. Is it true?
A: Yes.
S: How do you react when you believe that?
A: I got insane, I actually think I'm losing my hair.
S: How would you be if you didn't believe that?
A: you mean, If I didn't want her to stop?.
S: first, you said << need>> , but yes, How would you be?
A : I don't know, I guess less insane. But I don't get it. How can I not want or need that.
S: Can you just allow her to cry? , you check the diaper, you know she has been fed, and so on and then you just allow her to cry, why do you feel that compulsive need to make her stop. The same thing goes with mother who have young boys, they feel that compulsive need to tell the boys to stop running, can you just allow them to run ? , they are going to do it anyway, that's what we do as boys.
A: I see, I get what you are saying. But it feels weird, I would feel guilty.
S: Okay, because you allow your baby to cry after you have checked diaper, fed the baby etc.... you are a bad mother ?  Is it true?
A: NO,....can Life be that easy?.
S: Yes, Freedom is that easy.
A: So, yes I can allow her to cry.
S: That's that, and later on if you have boys, allow them to run , no need to scream <<boys, stop running >> ( lol ) . That's what would make you crazy.
Okay, next, She should know that it is not easy for you, she is your first ? ...turn that around for me.
A: What you mean...
S: Talk about Yourself.
A: I should  know that it is not easy for me, she is my first.
S: Yes, cut Yourself some slack .......just Be ..stop trying so hard , or trying to live up to some mental expectations you have of Yourself or you believe the world has....,Just be YOU.
A: I can do that ...
S: Of course , you can it is so easy. Once you stop " trying" , YOU ARE.
S: Next, It not fair.  What is not fair?.
A: That I get cooked up here, and Jim is out there, leaving his life, enjoying it and I'm here all depressed.
S: Okay, It is not fair Is it true?
A: No, it is not.
S: So, what would be fair according to you? Him being Home with you?
A: No,....( she said laughing ).....who is going to pay the mortgage?
S: Okay, so it is not fair .. Is it true?
A: Okay, you got me , NO ,,,it's not.
S: I wasn't trying to get you, just free you from untrue beliefs. How do you react when you believe that it is not fair?.
A: I get mad at him, when  he comes Home, I get bitchy.
S: Then what happens?
A: He avoids me, and I resent him for avoiding me, because now I feel lonely...it's all because of him anyway, he did this to me .
S: He did this to you ...Is it true?
A: I  know, I know, it is not, I wanted the baby.
S: So, the guy is at work he gets called to be yelled at, he comes home, he gets yelled at again, he tries to avoid conflict, he gets resentment ( cold shoulder ..)...poor guy...
( she laughs...)
A: Yes, yes , you are right , I have never seen it through his eyes before.
S: You couldn't, you were lost in your own mental story. So, How would you be if you didn't believe that it wasn't fair and resented your husband .etc......
A: I would actually love him, and enjoy him more, anyway I am all alone during the day and he is finally here, why pushing him away? ....
S: Yes, you would love him, love you for not being mean to him anymore, and Love your baby, because you wouldn't go to her in a bad mood.
A: Yes, you are right, totally right. I can't believe I didn't see that before, It seems so obvious NOW.
S: Well, your mind does not believe insanity anymore, that's why.
A: Thank you.
S: You are welcome.




Peace and Love and Thank you for the support.

A conversation with a mother about her teenage daughter.

Her name is Pamela.

S: So, Pamela what's in your mind.
P: My teenage daughter asked me about sex, about my first time, and I didn't and still don't know what to say.
S: Well, here is a thought, why don't you try the truth? ....( we both laugh ...)

P: Well, I don't want to tell her that my first time wasn't great at all, I want to tell her that it was special, magical and all that good stuff.
S: Why do you feel the need to say that?.
P: Because, I guess I want her to believe in Love.
S: Okay, If you tell her that having sex for the time wasn't that special for you ....she is not going to believe in Love anymore ..Is it true?..
P: I guess...Not..., It's not true....( she says hesitantly ..)
P: So, I should just say that?...
S: I don't see any reason why not.
P: I feel like if I say that, I would be setting bad example for her.
S: In what sense?
P: Well, I wasn't in love and I had sex.
S: Okay, the question is not << were you in love when you had sex ?>> , the question is << how was it?>> . However, Let's say that she asks if you were in Love.
S: You answer. So, people who are not in Love and have sex are bad examples ? Is it true?
P: No, but I don't want my daughter to be one of them.
S: Okay, but, what I have seen so far by observing Life is that, people make their own choices. She will make her own choice, anyway... The only difference is that  if you are honest with her and she sense it she will keep you in the loop, otherwise you will be out of it.
P: That's True, teenagers always do their own thing. But still, isn't the job of the parent to set high expectations, to be a model. I mean, would you be that honest with your kids, especially a girl.

S: You see the problem with the expectation thing is that, every time people don't meet them, they beat themselves up or hide it from you. I'm not advocating teenage sex by any means, all I'm saying is that personally I would be honest with my children. I would make them question  the two conventional stories usually surrounding sex and teenage girl. The first one, << it's going to be so special, so magical ..so perfect ...etc..>>. When in truth, your first time is usually less than glamorous and sometimes she is crying the entire time, she will actually enjoy it more on subsequent experiences. That's just the truth.
Now, the second one would be << it's no big deal>> , that's also not true , that mind-set leads to diseases, promiscuity ..and actually less feeling of connection with each other...  So, welcome to freedom , beyond the opposites you find the middle path. Those feelings of " specialness, magic" comes from being in Love and connecting physically (sex), not just sex itself. Therefore, be in love and have sex and you might or might not feel the magic.  That's what I would tell my daughter if I ever have one, REALITY....I'm free, I love Reality., not politically correct, preconceived, scripted answers ...I wouldn't  want them( my children) to live in a movie ( the dream world ) , I would want them to live in Reality.

P: That's very  accurate, I think I can say that ....Thanks ...
S: You are welcome.


Peace and Love and thank you for the support.

A conversation with a friend about collective concept surrounding women.

 Okay, James let's talk about women ....

S: Let's explore the two opposite concept regarding women sexuality than many people hold. ( the good girl and the bag girl, or the prude and the slut ...etc..). And  in general the roles that people play.

S: So, let's say you see a woman in a tight dress, cleavage showing, legs shining and you find her attractive ( I added "and" because attraction is relative , of course ), how do you talk to her, James? .
J: I find myself smiling more, I try to get her attention.
S: Do you play roles?
J: What do you mean?
S: I mean how do you try to get her attention?
J: I see, yeah my voice pattern changes, I try to sound great, I act cool, I give her an intense look, before I go talk to her.
S: Okay, and when you talk to her, how do you talk to her, where is your mind at?..
J: I see where this is going, ( he laughs ..), yes my mind is on sex .
S: So, as you objectify her, do you respect her?
J: Not as much.
S: Okay, then when she rejects your advances...do you call her names (mentally) ?
J: yeah, sometimes ....I mean, I don't mean to... but yes I do.
S: That's fine, don't feel sorry I'm not judging, I'm just trying to make you aware of something.
S: Okay, so first you see the roles you were playing right, the voice, the acting etc...Let's start there. When you play those roles you attract women? Is it true?
J: I don't know... I have never questioned it before...
S: Well, now is your chance, playing those roles help you attract women ...Is it true?
J: I guess not.
S: How do you react when after playing your roles, it doesn't work out?
J: I call her names.....
S: See, it's as if you had a mental script, when I do this ....that is supposed to happen , and when the outcome does not match your expectation ..you are not happy about it.
J: Yeah , I see what you mean.
S: Now try to for a second to picture the interaction without the roles.
J: It is more genuine.
S: Yes, exactly. So, practically speaking, the very roles you play prevent you from having a genuine conversation, can you see that?.
J: That's weird, but yes I see that.
S: Okay, next why do you call her names when your advances do not match up your expectations.
J: Well, she is wearing those revealing clothes, and now she is saying No ? , what's that? ..a tease.
S: Okay, women who are wearing revealing clothes only think about sex? Is it true?
J: No, it's not.
S: See, the mental assumption. Moreover, you treat her with less respect. Now how would you treat her if you didn't conceptualize her?.
J: I guess, more genuinely, a bit like every body else.
S: Yes, exactly, and it turns out that by respected people they react favorably to you, I'm just saying.....you know I have  heard ...lol...So, by not trying to get her so much you might actually get her, how funny is that ..lol.... but of course , don't turn that into a new concept , meaning " role": " I'm going to act like I don't want her " , if you want, want, just pay attention to your concepts.

S: So, what would be the opposite?
J: Well, I guess the girl who is prude like.
S: Okay, how do you talk to her?
J: I don't fully pay attention to her, I'm inconsiderate, indifferent.
S: Yes, how would you be if you didn't conceptualize her?
J: I guess, I would pay more attention to her.
S: Yes, no more indifference, and full attention, is Presence, is the first sign of LOVE. If people were a bit less indifferent  in the world, we will all benefit. You don't have to want her to just pay attention to her...BE Present with people... And finally what you forget is that, she is also a sexual being... When you stop putting people in boxes(concepts) you start to be see them as whole ... The girl who reveals her body do not always think of sex, she can also talk about books, and the girl who like her books, do not always think of school she can also talk about sex.
I would always find it funny when people would go " him" or " her",  had sex really, as if they didn't categorize  them as sexual human beings, it wasn't "their box". and vice versa when hearing that a person they consider attractive do not have sex all the time, they are also shocked.  Step away from the boxes.




Peace and Love and thank you for the support.

A conversation with a friend an old high school friend, about inquiry and dating.

 His name is Emanuel.

E: Okay, man I get inquiry but I have a little issue with, not trying to persuade, convince, manipulate, play mind games, seduce or being seductive ,no lying etc.... I mean If I let all that go how do you pick up girls? your "just be honest thing" does not really work. I mean, let's be pragmatic, let's say I go out I bring a girl home, and we are about to get busy and she says : are you going to call me tomorrow? ,and I know that my honest answer is NO , do you actually think that I'm going to say that, I mean seriously, just before getting busy.

S: Good question, but before I answer that, do you know why I said all those things ?
E: Not really ..
S: Okay, well the first law of inquiry is simply : Stay in your business ( mentally speaking ).
By trying to persuade, convince, manipulate, play mind games, trying to seduce, playing roles etc... you are going from the assumption that : I need to make her do something. Well, that's not really true, first your business is to make you do things, her business is to make her do things. So, you don't make her do anything. She has a free will and she does it on her own.
To go one step further, we can say that you have never picked up a girl in your Life, by default she picked you up since she has to say " yes" , anyway, otherwise it is called rape, or to be more accurate we can say you picked each other up. That's closer to the truth than anything else. And on the same token, if you don't pick anybody up you are never rejected, because there again to be closer to the truth, she rejected you as well as you rejected her to some extend. So, you just moved beyond the opposites you don't fully believe that you pick girls up, you don't fully believe that you are rejected. It happens or it doesn't. That's about it.
Now, let me answer your question, I wouldn't lie.
( he looks shocked, and doesn't believe me....).
Now, let me elaborate on that, for a second. I wouldn't lie because of how I would have been from the beginning of the interaction. From the beginning of the interaction I would let her know that I am not looking for a long term relationship ( if that's not what I am looking for ), then for instance could say I just truly feel lonely and want to feel connected tonight, I don't want to disrespect you in any way, but I am not ready to be in a long term relationship right now, but I would truly love spending the  night with you. If from the beginning of the interaction that mind-set is SET, I would be able to say: I can call tomorrow to see how you are doing, I really don't mind doing that, but like I said earlier I am not ready for a long term relationship.

See, didn't lie, wasn't an asshole, was just honest. That's what I mean, by that. It's how you do it.
E: Not bad, not bad....but do you truly believe it will be that easy.

S: Well, again it's because you come from the assumption that women do not want to have sex with you and that they somehow force themselves to do it, or concede to it, or that you have to make them do it.
I come from the assumption that I am Free, therefore have free will, and since we ultimately see the world through our own eyes, I believe that others are free as well, to some extend. So, I assume that I have free will so does she. She wants to do it, she wants to have sex, she wants to be with somebody tonight, therefore, the concept of " that easy", do not come in play. There is no effort, again I am not trying to make her do anything, she wants to or she does not. And it goes both ways, she does not make me do things either, I do it, that's freedom. The same way I had a specific mind-set when I left home, I assume that she had hers, and we meet, click or don't click. If we don't click, I will talk to somebody else, so will she. But I do understand what you mean, I still see many women who want to be convinced, which almost imply that they don't take responsibility for their choices, almost as if they relinquished their free will for a moment. Freedom implies that you don't hide behind " he made me do it" , or " the booze made me do it" , or whatever, you make your own choices, you do it. So, what happens as you become more and more aware, more and more in your business ( less trying to make others do things or believing you can, which goes both ways), you look for people who are the same so you might be attracted to women who are a bit more mature ( mentally speaking , and maybe physically too I don't know..lol), women who know what they want, so you don't have to try to make them do anything.

E: Okay, I see what you mean, that make sense. My next question is, if no more lying, seduction, role playing etc..just be honest I'm going to lose too many girls, man because I know nothing about tennis for instance, but I had sex with a girl who loved tennis. I just had to love tennis to connect with her. See, what I mean.

S: Yes, I see that, well the problem there is that you are more interested on " the outcome", which is " the next moment" , " the future" , " goal", than you are interested on " the beginning" , " this Present moment" , " the NOW" , "the journey"... forgetting than LIFE is NOW, what IS ,not what IS NOT ( future). Now, it sounds weird, let me elaborate. You are in that predicament because you just want to score, so suddenly it doesn't matter who it is, only " the outcome" , matters. That way you have quantity but not quality ( for you of course, because that quality is relative to you).  Instead of just thinking of the outcome, think of connecting. Suddenly your problem is resolved, you connect NOW, " This moment" , that way you won't have as many people, but you won't lie to the one you have because if she likes art you actually like art too, if she like basketball you actually like basketball too. You are not faking anything, yes you won't have as many girls anymore, because you simply can not connect with every body , people like different things, but you will actually enjoy ( which is NOW) the conversation with whomever you are , you will actually enjoy talking about whatever you both like and suddenly you are not lying anymore, instead of being bored and constantly waiting for when you will finally be in the bedroom.

E: It actually make sense. Not bad ,dude.


S: Yes, man, through inquiry you rectify your reasoning. Right reasoning, which can also be called discernment, is like a lantern in front of you lighting the way, helping you travel in this world which can sometimes feel like a dark cave. Sharpen your mind.
Okay, what's next, hit me..

E: I think that would be my last one, now since you are being all honest, non convincing, non persuasion  etc.... do you want me to go hey, want to come over,, she says NO, I don't persist , and go to the next one.

S: you see, Mind loves the opposites, the path of freedom is the middle path which contains the opposites yet is beyond both. Let me explain.
Now you are trying to paint the picture of the guy who afraid of girls, ask almost hesitantly or in fear like state. The opposite will be the guy who is cocky and believe that " he is the man". Well, you are not afraid but you are not arrogant either, you are simply honest, there resides freedom beyond the opposites yet encompass both. And you are also aware take information in, pay attention to queues. Let's me elaborate, we have all had the girl who give you the " one word answer" , like:  (you) Hey how are you doing ,(her) " I'm good",(you) I like your dress,..(her) thank you, (you) where did you buy it I should probably get a dress like that for my sister ....(her) downtown...

What's wrong in that scenario. No interest at all , she doesn't talk back, doesn't try to connect back, take the queue, move on ....because between you and I, if she was interested she was going to say something a bit more specific than " downtown", at least to try to spark a conversation, but she didn't. So, there you go,  stop, move on, no need to try to force anything, or make her say something.

Now, scenario 2:  ( you )  Hey, how you doin' ..(her) I'm good and you ...( you) I have had better days but I think the day is about to turn up...( her) ,,,,it's turning up huh, why? ....please don't say because you saw me, too cheesy ...(you) ouch , you got me, I was just about to say that  ..( you both giggle)... (you) so, what's your name  (her) Jamie.., (you) nice to meet you, Jamie,..and may I say, you look lovely Jamie... (her) ..thank you , you like....(you) yes, great dress....(her) guess how much it cost ...(you) I'm so not a metro sexual man, I have no idea....(her) just 40 bucks,,,,it was on sale...I had to have it ....and by the way what do you have against metro sexual man....my best friend is a metro sexual man...
....bla bla bla....etc.......
I can continue for a while,.....but you get the point...... what's the difference between scenario one and scenario two, scenario 2 flows.....see the conversation is going, about every thing and nothing and it is a two ways street , like I said you have never picked up a girl, you pick each other up. When the conversation flows like that, it just happens, you connect, no need to be the guy who is afraid to talk to girls or the opposite, the guy who is cocky and believe that "he" make them do anything. It happens or doesn't , it flows or does not, when it doesn't, it is not because " you didn't lie enough, or persuade enough, or convince enough etc... " it simply didn't .
See what I'm saying.

E: Yeah, totally, that was good .....you still got game....(lol)
S: Technically, I have no more game , don't play roles, mind games etc.... but yes, still have conversation .....
E: Okay, man, you convinced me, I'm gonna start to inquire, doing your questioning thing. It is not total crap after all.
S:  Thank you, but again, I didn't convince you, I simply presented my case, answer your questions and you made your own choice ...( lol..)
Nice, my job here is done, peace out, man.



Peace and Love, and Thank you for the support.

A battered woman realizes that she is not a total victim and he is not a total villain.

Her name is Andrea.

S: So, Sarah,what are we talking about today?.
A: My boyfriend.
S: Okay, then let it rip.


A: I'm mad at Dave ( the boyfriend ), because he is physically abusive.
I want him to want me to prosper, he doesn't want me to prosper every time I make 2 steps forward he brings me back down.
I need him to care, to love me, to stop hitting me, to pay more attention to me.
He should let me breathe a little, and just stop hating me so much.
I think he is an asshole, and  he is cheating on me.



S: Okay, then, we got our work cut out for us, don't we?  ...( she smiles....).
 Let's start with the second one, that one will give us more insight.
How doesn't he want you to prosper?.
A: Every time I get some money, he asks for it, although he knows I need it to do my own things, to look for my own gigs, I'm an actress he is an artist too, a singer.
S: Well, when somebody ask you for something, you can say NO.
A: He always tells me that he needs it to make his dream happen, and that he also has connections for me, that when he does his music he gets in contacts with people in the movie industry, so that he will also help me find some gigs.
But then he takes the money go out there and doesn't do anything with it, he goes out there just use it on booze and smoke with his stupid friends as they are "making music" ( she air quotes ).
S: Then what happens?
A: Then he comes back and I ask him what did he do with the money, what did he concretely do with it and he does not give me a straight answer, we have an argument and then it becomes physical.
S: Let's dig in the argument for a second, tell me what it's said, what do you say to him.

A: I tell him that he is an asshole, that he doesn't love me, that he does not want me to prosper, that after all we have been through he still hasn't changed, that you don't care, about me, ( she starts to get riled up, her body starts to shake as she is saying it and it starts to change from ...I tell him,,,,to simply saying ...You ...as if she was experiencing it right now....which is true,,,she is ..)
you don't care about me, do you? , you never have, we have been together for 5 years now, and you still don't want to change you are an asshole, after all that you have put me through you just don't care, you just don't get it, you just don't want to get it, you still a little prick, that's what you are, a prick, an asshole, what did you do with the money, you took it to go see your little sluts..huh... you take my money and to go to those bitches, huh, that's why you didn't call me the entire day, that's why you didn't pick up the phone when I called huh, that's why? that's why? you were with her, weren't you,  you just don't care , you just don't care about me anymore..... I feed you and then you go out and you don't call for days, and tell me you are "trying to make it" ( she air quotes ), right ...you are with her, or them, I don't know, but you are definitely not here, isn't that right...just like the last time you cheated on me, you are the same, you cheated, then you left me and I  moved on, then you came back begged me to come back, I come back and you treat me the same, you just don't get it, you just don't get it,,,, I hate you .....you are an asshole, you just don't care.... ( she is gasping.....she is taking deep breaths,  her body is relaxing....., she is coming back to herself...).

( I give her , a minute......just silence, let her be ....).

S: Okay, Andrea nice to have you back. Then what happens, Andrea?
A: He gets mad, and says that he can't take it another, and he tries to leave, I go after him and he hits.
S: Okay, Then, after he hits you and you are on the ground, what happens?, how do you feel? what do you want to do?
A: I cry then I just want to run away, I pack my bags, I just want to leave.
S: Then, what happens ?
A: He stops me, tell me that he is sorry.
S: And what happens? , what do you say to him? , how do you treat him? , what do you do?.
A: I ask him to care, and he gives me what I want.
S: Okay, then what happens?...
A: Then he cares for a while we are okay.
S: Until the next argument right?
A: Yes, I guess.
S: Okay , good, Andrea we just did a cycle. So, let's recap it so that you see it clearly before we dive into it. So, we have, you give the money, he takes the money, doesn't do anything according to you, comes back you talk about the past, he hits, you want to run away he consoles you , he "cares",  everything is fine for a while until next episode.

Can you see that. It's like a movie, that's the plot. I can just take that piece of paper, and the second you give the money I can tell you what will happen next, that's why It's called a cycle, look at it first, take that in.

A: Okay, I see what you mean, nothing change , it's the same over and over again. But what can I do?.
S: You'll know pretty soon. We are going to dive in every segment of it and break it down. We needed to put it in a cycle first, it's like a map. Now, we can explore it.
So, first why do you give the money when you know that you need that money for yourself?
A: Well, if I don't give him the money, he will say that I don't believe in his dream.
S: Whose business is it to believe in his dream?
A: I don't think I fully understand the question.
S: well, there is only 3 businesses in Life, yours, the others and God or Life or Nature...( which would be things which are out of our control )
S: So, so whose business is it to believe in his dream?
A: I guess, His...
S: And whose business is it to believe in your dream?
A: i guess Mine....
S: Yes, people think that when we are in a relationship we suddenly become "this one entity" which has two lives, not really, you still have your life and he has his, even twins sometimes believe in different things.
A: Yes, I see what you are saying. But if I don't give him the money  he will say that I don't care about him and his dream.
S: Okay, Is it true?
A: No, it is not.
S: Well, that's the answer to that. NO, it is not true. You care about him and his dream but you also care about yours.
A: But if I don't give him the money he is going to leave saying that he then has to go out and find a way to get the money.
S: Ah, okay so you are trying to buy his Presence, << if I give him the money he is not going to leave and be out there for too long>>
A: I guess. ( she says....slightly shocked as she is becomes aware ).
S: Well, stop trying to bribe him, his presence or his Love.
A: As you said that I just realized that I give him the money because I think that if I don't he will go to a next girl to get it.
S: Good, that's not really giving, is it?
A: No, it is not, it is trying to control him.
S: And the irony is if he wants to go to somebody else, he still can.
A: Yes, that's right.
S: Okay, so because of your fear of the next woman you deprive him of Love and you deprive Yourself of your own dream.
A: How do I deprive him of Love?
S: Well, the act of giving is an act of Love, but you don't give, you try to control, which is useless anyway, since he can still do what he wants.
A:...oh ..yes, you are totally right, I have never seen it like that. ( she is shaking her head...).
S: And then of course you micromanage him with the money, and probably resent him for not doing what he said he would do. Do you know the cure for that?
A: Yes, I do it myself.
S: Yes, you are in charge of your dream, nobody else. This collective belief that when you are in a relationship the other suddenly become partially responsible for your dream is insane and illogical, you had the dream before you met him, how is anybody else but you responsible for your dream. Unless you truly don't want to realize your dream and you are looking for an escape goat, a villain to blame for your failure.
S: Okay, next when he comes back home and he  hasn't done what he said he was going to do, the conversation seem to go back to a previous cheating, not the money, NOW. Have you moved on from it?
A: Yes, I have but when he does what he does, my mind goes back there. Well, that means you haven't fully moved on from it. You should question that in detail first. Now, you said : I want him to want me to prosper, he doesn't want me to prosper every time I do 2 steps forward he brings me back down. Turn that around for me.
( she looks confused....).
A: huh, me, okay ..., I want to want him to prosper, I don't want him to prosper every time he takes 2 steps forward I bring him back down.
S: Can you see how you do that?
A: No, I am supportive give him all my money and every thing I can.
S: Well, when he came back from whatever, your argument was on the past can you stop bringing him back down, can you let him move on, or do you have to bring him back there all the time.
A: (....she cries...) you are right, I have never seen it like that.
S: There is another turn around left. probably the most important.
A: I want me to want me to prosper, I don't want myself to prosper every time I do 2 steps forward I bring myself back down. ( she cries ,,,even more.... as she realizes what she is been doing to herself).
S: Well, yes, people believe that by holding on the pain they are punishing the other, what they don't realize is that they are also punishing themselves. You are still back there, are you ready to move on? , to prosper? .
A: Yes, I am.
S: Good. Okay, next he hits you, then you want to run away, he consoles you, you get " what you want", " he gives you anything you want, he cares.
S: When you get " what you want". how do you feel?
A: I feel happy, he finally cares.
 S: And as you are packing your bags, do you truly want to leave?
A: No, to be honest I just want him to care, to feel sorry for what he did.
S: So, you used the guilt over the past ( he cheated ), acted( run away but don't really want to), manipulated the situation to finally get what you want ... he finally cares.
A: I did that? , I can't believe I did that , Am I that mean?.
S: No. You were just Lost, every body is looking for Love, you were simply looking for it the wrong way. When you want him to feel sorry for you, it's actually looking for pity, sympathy, how you are such a victim and that he should care, you confuse that with Love.
A: Yes, I can see  that Now.
S: Let the past go and you are not a victim anymore, it's gone. Then he will care or he won't, for you NOW.
S: Okay, next ... you need him to care, to love you, to stop hitting you, to pay more attention to you. How do you react when it does not happen?
A: here we go, again ......( she sighs...) I use the past as a weapon  to make him care, I try to make him feel guilty to make him care.
S: Can you stop doing that? , and Love him when he cares, and Love him when he does not care.
A: Yes, I can do that.
S: Next, he should let you breathe, stop hating you so much.
A: ( she burst out laughing ) .....That's so me, I am the one doing that. I should let him breathe and stop hating him so much.
S: Good, I like when people get it themselves...( lol ).
S: Next, How do you react when you think that he is cheating on you?

A: I get paranoid, I can't trust him, I look for proofs all over the places. I truly become a bitch. After I scream at him accusing him of cheating, I want him to hold me and if he does not, I tell myself that it is because he has somebody else, I mean now I see that it sounds insane the man is just mad  that's why he does not want to touch me but that's what I believed at the time . So, I want to run away to somebody who is going to comfort me, and I did and I cheated ( she is crying ..) it was all me, just me reacting to my own thoughts...I can't believe it. But from that day, I have felt so guilty, so bad, so ashamed it's too painful. I beat myself up, and then I go to him wanting him to make me feel better, but I become clingy, needy and bring the past back again and it only end up in beating again.

S: I guess, we discover another cycle. Good. So, you get paranoid, you accuse, you look for comfort, it doesn't happen, you go somewhere else, you feel bad, guilty, ashamed you try to get to him to make the guilt, the shame go away, it does not happen, and back on accusations then get hit again. Then probably try to manipulate situation to finally get him to care .

A: Wow, when you put it like that, I feel insane, I do all that? ....who is that person?
S: Well, she is the one who is lost and looking for Love in the wrong place, that's all.
S: So, tell me what you tell to yourself as you beat yourself up in that cycle.
A: I say to myself, you are a whore, you are a slut, you cheated, you are a bitch. You deserve to be punished.
S: Now, do you see why when you come back you want him to make you feel better. It has nothing to do with him, it is you reacting to your own mind and trying to prove it wrong.
A: Yes, It is ,, I see that now. ( she is sobbing....).
S: When your mind say something instead of reacting and trying to prove it wrong, answer it .... Are you a whore?
A: No, I am not.
S: That's that, that's the answer to that, no need to react, to fight yourself, to want to prove it wrong by making somebody else say that you are not or comforting you etc......do it yourself, only YOU can set you free.
S: But to go one step further how do you feel when you believe that you are a whore and you take the beating.
A: I feel like I deserve it, I give up, I feel like he is punishing me, that he already knows. I almost want him to beat me,  so that the pain can go away, so that he can forgive me. ( I can't believe I just said that, she moaned under her breath ..)
S: Yes, you are already beating yourself mentally, so it is only normal that he does it physically isn't it? .... furthermore.....physical pain goes away faster doesn't it? tomorrow you might not feel it anymore, but mental pain can stay there forever. Now, you understand the mental cycle between the pimp and the prostitute they are reflecting each other mental states. There is no total victim , no total villain.
A: Yes, exactly that.
S: Yes, but what you don't get in the entire scenario is again , that only YOU can set you free, can you forgive yourself?, let the guilt go... aren't you tired of all that pain? ...all that non sense.
A: I am tired of it all.
( she is silent..., tears streaming down, body fully relaxed....)
A: I feel so alive,...it is like I'm back to myself.
S: Yes, Now, how would you be if you weren't holding on to the past, to the guilt, trying to manipulate situation to feel loved, using guilt to do so......etc....How would you be?

A: Wow, I will be ME, just ME, no more pain, relaxed happy , ME... not that crazy bitch we just saw, just ME.
S: Yes, that's all you wanted all along, instead of I need him to pay attention to me, to love me, etc... it's I need me to pay attention to me, to Love me...that's freedom. And then you will be just Present, Alive with him too...
A: Now, I don't know what to do, should I break up with him?
S: I am not here to tell you what to do, just here to help you free yourself, then you will know what to do yourself.. What do you want to do?
A: I don't want to break up with him, I love him,  I just truly realized it, If I take all the insanity out, I truly love him.
S: Well, that's that, then. Relationship are not just about the body only, she is hot, I'm hot, let's do it. There is more to it. Many relationships happen because of the two partner emotional/mental states, they fit so that they can become aware of themselves, the world is there to make you aware. Now you have learned some lessons, and I hope you will continue, keep questioning. So, you will go back and be Present and observe yourself and him too, and he might start to become aware of his demons too and you might evolve together or you might realize that : Okay I have learned every thing I was supposed to learn from this relationship, it is time to move on it doesn't fit me anymore. It is a good thing that you learned it now because if you hadn't, you would have left Dave for john to Jim etc... but always the same thing until you get it.
Don't worry you will know what to do.
Just be Present and evolve.

A: Thank you.
S: Your are welcome.



Peace and Love, and thank you for your support.

I lost my job ( Jack).

S: Okay, Jack, what's your story?

J: I am frustrated because I lost my job, and I can't get a new one.
I want to be able to provide for my family.
I need to provide for my family.
I should be working.
I think it is not fair.

S: Okay, Jack, you are frustrated because you lost your job and can't get a new one. Is it true?
J: Yes.
S: Can you absolutely know that is true?
J: No.
S: How do you react ( how do you feel , what do you see etc...)when you believe that?
J: I feel small, I feel useless, I get angry at myself, I snap at my children for no reason, I feel frustrated, I beat myself up.
S: Okay, what do you say to yourself as you beat yourself up.
J: You won't find a job, jack, you are useless, you are worthless, you are not a man.
S: And how do you react to that?, how do you react to << won't find a job, are worthless, not a man ..>>
J: I go out and look for work even more, try harder, but as I don't find it I feel even worse about myself, I feel ashamed.
S: Okay, Jack, pretty simple cycle. Now , can you see that looking for a job is not frustrating, that it is that whole cycle which is?
J: Yes, I can see that, but the whole cycle only arise because I am looking for a job.
S: Are you sure of that?, the action of looking for a job simply is. Your reaction to it, is your own.
J: I see what you mean.
S: Let's question what you say to yourself as you beat yourself.
You won't find a job, jack . Is it true?
J: I mean, I don't know but I certainly hope that's not true.
S: Just look at the statement, for a second, Jack... I won't find a job.. Is it true?
J: I don't know.
S: Well, technically that statement is false simply because you can not prove me that it is true. I mean are you a psychic, can you see the future?, you can not tell me that you know with certitude that you will not find a job.
J: hum..., I see what you are saying now. So, no that's not true. It is weird to say that, it's like it just gave me hope.
S: Yes, your mind simply opened itself to possibilities. How do you react when you believe that you won't, though ?.
J: I feel defeated, i feel down, low, I feel like I'm fighting against the world.
S: And to go one step further, what happens when you don't find a job the next day.
J: I feel even worse.
S: Yes, but what do you tell yourself?
J: hum..., I don't know.
S: Well, you probably tell yourself, see I knew it, I knew I wouldn't find anything. Which imply that although you were trying you didn't fully believe that you could do it. And if you find something you might say  << I can't believe it>> and be surprised, again which imply exactly that, that you didn't fully believe that you can it.
J: Yes, yes, I say ,, I knew it, and I didn't see the correlation with not fully believing in myself. And I certainly didn't see how from even finding something and be exited I was still fully believing in myself.
S: Yes, most people don't, but the less doubts you have in your mind the less exited or impressed you are when something that you were working on become true. It is not arrogance, though, it is slightly beyond confidence, it is what religious people would call Faith, it is what I call a doubtless mind, it was already given to you before it actually arrived, so it is not a surprise anymore.
S: So, how would you react if you didn't believe that << you wouldn't find a job>>
J: Wow, I would be ecstatic, I mean, if I felt like I would find a job I would be on the moon.
S: Well, technically, we never said that you would find a job, again the mind loves the opposites, I won't find a job or I will a job, let me show you the middle path. So, how would you feel just not believing that you wouldn't find a job.
J: hum , I see. less exited, more cautious, yet not feeling low.
S: Exactly, Open to possibilities, not close off in a specific mind set.
S: Okay, next, because you don't have a job, you are useless, you are worthless? Is it true?
J: No, it's not, but I feel like it.
S: You feel like it because your sense of identity is wrapped up in being the provider, as that role is being taken away from you, a part of your sense of self is being dissolved. Don't fight it, where there was form, ego before now the formless, consciousness will shine through if you let the process happen.
So, because you don't have a job you are not a man , Is it true?
J: No, it is.
S: How do you react when you believe that?
J: I feel ashamed, small , when I see children and I can't provide for them, it breaks my heart.
S: Okay, I get that, but why the shame?
J: I feel like I'm not their father anymore, like I have failed them.
S: Okay, so because you can't provide for your children you are not their father anymore. Is it true?
J: Of course not.
S: Okay, how have you failed them?.
J: By not providing for them.
S: When I was young, my dad used to say, Son, I can only give you what I have, when I have nothing I can only give you that. So, how have you failed your children, by refusing to give them what you have, what you can. Are you supposed to have in all time?.
J: Well, no, I guess.
S: So, you don't have now, how would you feel if you didn't believe that you have failed your children.
J: I would be able to look at them in the eyes.
S: Yes, Love, being able to see them, and see Yourself, I mean you have already lost your job, no need to lose Love too....especially when that's Free...
( he laughs, for the first time since the beginning of the conversation).
J: Yes, you are right.
S: By the same token, how would you treat your wife ?
J: I would connect with her a bit more, spend more time with her, help her more.
S: I mean it's the least you can do ( lol ). Many people say that the lost of a job broke up their marriage, when in most cases it's actually their own egos who broke up their relationships. They lost themselves in their own mental stories and became more and more distant until it feel like they are so far from each other that they might as well be stranger.
It does not have to be like that, you can actually bond even more.
J: Yes, but I feel like that would be wrong.
S: What would be wrong?
J: Me, all happy, loving everything when I lost my job. It's like I'm content, and I"m not looking for work.
S: Okay, if you are not angry about a specific situation you can not take action. Is it true?
( he is pondering..)
J: I mean, I don't know , but I feel like I need the anger to fuel me, if I don't have the anger and I accept it , I stop fighting and I won't take any action.

S: This concept that you need anger to take action is simply not true. You do not need any kind of fuel to take action, you take action because there is a situation in front of you which requires that an action is taken. And you definitely do not need a toxic fuel like anger or fear for that matter. You don't need to think of how you might lose your house before you take an action. Fear and Anger is to the body what all the toxic wastes are to the environment; pollutants. It is because of that mind-set that people seems to constantly wait  "for the disaster" before they take an action. Anger and fear are toxic energy they disturb the whole, love and happiness harmonizes things. Be happy, Loving and look for work.

J: Yes, it seems to make sense.
S: Okay, next, I think I should be working Is it true?.
J: Yes.
S: How do you react when you believe that you should be working NOW , and you are not.
J: I get frustrated, angry.
S: Well, that's what happens when you don't accept what < IS>> , first.
You shouldn't be working, why ? , because you are Not.
J: But I can't accept that, because If I accept that I feel like I won't be looking for work anymore or I gave up.
S: Again, accepting what IS, do not mean you don't take action, actually it means you take action which are more in alignment with the reality that you are facing. It is because of that mind-set that so many things in this world seem to be "stuck". Accepting for instance that teenagers have sex do not mean that you encourage them, but you take the action which is in alignment which Reality, so you distribute condoms. Until very recently, the Catholic church wouldn't promote condoms because they wouldn't accept that people have sex before marriage. The same reason why, teenagers are still put in jail for smoking weed because people won't accept that they smoke. Reality is not what " you want", but simply what " IS". You can deal with what " IS" , not with what " IS NOT"( which is what you want).

J: Okay, I see.
S: So, how do you react when you realize that you should not be working NOW , because you are not, and  the punch line is NOW, we don't know what will happen a day for NOW, which will still be NOW, of course.
J: I guess, I have a certain level of acceptance. A certain calm. ( his shoulders drop down, he relaxes).
S: Yes, a certain peace, from there, now you can look for solutions, actions to take but they are not coming from fear, anger or non-acceptance.
S: And finally last one, it is not fair. Is it true?
J: Yes, I think so.
S: Okay, how you react when you believe that?
J: I get angry, pissed off, it feels like it wasn't supposed to happen.
S: Well, again unless you know the future, you can't say, that it wasn't supposed to happen. Again, how do you know it was supposed to happen? , well it did. There is no need to argue with Reality, what is , IS, what happened, Happened. Live Now, Be here NOW, not in the past.

J: Yeah , that make sense.
J: thank you.
S: You are welcome.


Peace and Love and Thank you for the support.

They only love me for my money ( Andy).

Andy is a friend of mine, he is a young business man, does pretty well for himself, he is young( 26) and is well off. But Andy has a problem, he can't trust women,  he is from a wealthy family and says that since the age of 16 he has never had a long lasting relationship because " they only love him for his money " he says.

S: So, okay, Andy, talk to me.

A:  I am frustrated, annoyed, exhausted of going from one relationship to the next, because of money.
I want them to like me for me, to love me for me.
I need them to stop being fake, I need them to be real and truly connect with me.
They should stop just looking at me and my money and actually trying get to know me.
I think it is deplorable, they are just gold digger bitches.


S: Okay, Andy, let's do it, you are going from one relationship to the next because of money. Is It true?
A: Yes, it is true.
S: Can you absolutely know it is true?
A: No.
S: How do you react when you believe that?
A: I become distant, cold, I only want to use them, I can't trust them, I feel paranoid then I beat myself up because I realize that they have not done anything wrong, that it really has nothing to do with them, I try to trust them but I can't bring  myself to do it so I hate myself for it, I beat myself up and I  hate them for making me feel this way, for not trying harder to gain my trust. then, I'm back to being cold, distant again.

S: Okay, good, Andy, good cycle, now tell me what you tell yourself  when you beat yourself up.
A: I will never be happy, I will never be in long lasting relationship, I will never be in a real loving relationship, I'm destined to be alone, I'll have women around but will never be happy.
S: Okay, Andy, and how do you react to that?
A: What you mean?
S: if somebody said "that" to you? , what would you say? , what would you do?
A: I would be  mad, and I would prove him wrong.
S: So, how do you prove yourself wrong?
( he smiles...as he got what I mean. )
 A: I got out and try to get a girl, have sex and then try to be in a relationship, become clingy needy and try too hard.
S: You see how you react to your own mind, ( lol ), how you fight yourself, it wasn't somebody else saying those things but yourself.
A: I know, I have never seen it like that, it's freaky, it is insane.
S: Yes, it is ( we laugh..) so instead of fighting yourself, and reacting you should simply answer what your mind says, it is true or it is not. But before you get there. Answer something for me, when you go out and get a girl what do you do?, how you get her?
A: Do you want to talk about my pick up technique , now ...( he said, smiling .....).
Well, sir, for us wealthy people, we don't actually have a technique nor do we need one, I go to the club with my nice car, buy couple of bottles, stay in the VIP, and they come to me themselves.
( I smile ), (he keeps his head up high as if saying, you like it , huh , impressed huh..., when I'm actually smiling because I'm about to give him the answer of his questions, and destroy that ego by the same token ...lol..)

S: Okay, so Andy, if I hear you right, you flaunt money and they come Isn't that right?
 (he shakes his head, let it drop, and say ..)
A: Shit, I get it.....
S: Yes, now let's read your statements again. I want them to like me for me , to love me for me. They don't.... Is that true?
A: I don't know...( he said under his breath, almost whispering..).
S: Well , they like you for you, love you for you ,NOW, since NOW you just flaunt your money , they love you for that NOW. Can you see that?
A: Yes, I guess ( he says reluctantly, as if slightly defeated ....lol).
S: To go one step further, turn that around for me.
A: I need to like them for them, to love them for them.
S: Exactly, you are not trying to connect with them, you don't care which one comes, simply that "they are hot", and that's that.
A: Okay, so what am I supposed to do, act like I have no money.
S: See, people love the opposites, I hate you or I love you, I have no money or I have lots of it. How do you make friends?
A: I mean, I don't know, we hang around in the same circles, like the same things.
S: Well, that's exactly how you will find a real lasting relationship. Find somebody that you click with, who like the same things as you. Spend less time trying to impress her, and more time trying to enjoy each other Presence. That does not mean that you don't spend your money anymore, it simply means that it goes in the background. If you both like skying, when most people will go to a resort close to them, you can go to the mountain of Switzerland. If you both like basketball when most people would buy tickets and be far behind, you will be front row. You see, the money is in the background, meaning you connect anyway, the money only give you some level of freedom but basically you are doing the same things that you would be doing if you didn't have as much money.

A: I see, it totally make sense.
S: Okay, so there is one more turn around left.
A: I need me to like me for me, to love me for me.
S: Yes, start looking for what you like, what you love Yourself, regardless of money. Find that, then you do that, and you will find somebody who loves approximately the same things.
A: So, I guess I still have to find myself.
S: Of course you do, money only give you some level of freedom in this world, that's about it. Do we still have to turn around the next ones?
A: No , I totally see it now...
A: Thank you..
S: You are welcome.



Peace and Love and thank you for the support.

A converstion with a popular girl ( high school) (17 year old)

    She is Katy and I'm Stephane.( 17 year old).



S: So, katy, what's up?
K: I can't take it anymore, i 'm depressed, sad, lonely because i am popular, nobody actually knows me.
I want people to really know me, to truly see me.
I need them to try to know me, to love me.
They should know that i am more than just a popular girl, they should not be so quick to judge.
I think it is sad, inconsiderate, judgemental  that they put me in a little box.



S: Okay, katy , let's do it, you are sad, depressed, lonely because you are popular. Is that true?
K: Yes.
S: Can you absolutely know that is true?
K: No ( she says, while reluctantly shaking her head from side to side).
S: How do you react when you believe that?, how do you act, how do you interact with your friends, what do you do?
K: I feel sad, low, depressed but put on a smile and go out there and act like everything is okay.
S: What else do you do, katy? how do you treat your friends?
K: I reject them, i push them away as if they were the reason why i was depressed, i sometimes get angry at them for no obvious reason.
S: Then, what do you do? after you get angry at them, how do you act? , what happen in your mind?
K: I beat myself up, I feel guilty because i know that it's not really them. I feel like i'm a bad person, that I'm such a bitch, i hate myself.
S: Then what do you do?, what happen next?.
K: When I see them the next day, i play it off like it was nothing because i don't want them to see me weak, brush it off, but them some stuff, and we are fine again. And everything seem fine for a while but pretty soon the sadness comes again.
( she keeps her head down in sign of disappointment of herself, and seem exhausted, as if saying don't know what to do anymore ).
S: Okay, that is very good, katy, we just establish a cycle, now you know the movie you know the entire reaction, you know how it is going to play out. Sadness, depression, smile, push away friends, anger, guilt, beat yourself up, act like nothing happened, give them gift ..back to okay until the whole cycle happens again.
S: From just that you can have a clearer picture already when the sadness/depression starts you know where things are going.
S: Now, we are  going to go in depth into that cycle, we are going to dive into it, and explore it a bit more, but before i do that, i will rewrite your cycle so that i can show you a different way of seeing it.
S: sadness, depression, fake smile( resistance), push away reject, anger at them as well as yourself, guilt, beat yourself up, look away(avoid)(shame at yourself), buy their love(appease guilt, and justify actions to oneself, it's okay since they took "the peace offering").
S: Can you see it more clearly, now?
K: Yes, totally, it's like a mirror is put in front of my face. Especially with the wording that you used, it forces you to look at it, it is quite painful seeing it like that. ( she said, with her beautiful brown eyes welling up ).
S: The amount of pain you carry becomes the amount of light you experience when the pain is transmuted. That way, proportionality is kept. So, you will be that much free. You can notice that the first wording that i changed is the "smile" , i wrote " fake smile", first of all it is " a role" people like to play, an image they want project, stop acting and be real; but even more importantly than that it is the word into parenthesis : resistance. What you do not know is , what you resist , persist. So, as weird and as almost counter intuitive as it  sound the best thing to do when depressed is not to try to cheer yourself up or "act happy", but feel the sadness, the depression even more, going in it, not fighting it internally and simply questioning your mind, that's how you break the cycle.

S: Okay, anyway, let's look at your first belief again you are sad, depressed, lonely because you are popular,  Is it true?
K: I don't know anymore...( she says looking perplexed )
S: So, the answer to that is No. And you can see that being popular just Is what it Is , it is that cycle that is exhausting, depressing, saddening. How would you react if you did not believe in all that?
K: Wow, ( she sighs, in relief) , i would enjoy myself so much, would be so happy, so at ease, would literally be able to smell the roses.
S: Okay, save that, remember that feeling that our little goal, by the end of this conversation we will see if you feel like that.
 ( she smiles, in sign of hope. )
S: Okay, you want people to really know you to truly see you Is it true?
K: Yes, i do.
S: Let me rephrase, that, People do not really know you, they do not truly see you. Is it true?.
K: Yes, it is.
S: Can you absolutely know that?
K: No, I mean  i can not, but i feel like that don't really know me, they don't see how much potential i have how much i have to offer.
S: Okay, but do they see what you have done, NOW, what you have to offer NOW ?
K: Yes, but it is not all me.
S: Okay, so if i hear what you are saying, you want them to see what is NOT instead of what IS.
K: what?, I don't get it.., i am confused. ( she is frowning...)
S: well, you say they know you NOW, see you NOW, know what you have already offered up to NOW, but you want them to know, see what can be, but hasn't happened yet, know your potential, know the future.....or to be more accurate your or one of many potential futures. So, basically what IS NOT instead of what IS.
K: Okay, Now that you say it like that, it sounds totally insane ( she laughs...for the first time since the beginning of this inquiry ..).
S: So, how do you react when you believe that they don't know you , they don't see you?
K:I hate them, I'm angry at them, i give them the cold shoulder, i internally scream why can't you see me? why won't you look at me? , why won't you know me?.
S: So, basically you stop seeing them. You become your thoughts, your enemy and their enemy.

K: yes, exactly ( she smiles ).
S: How would you be if you didn't believe those thoughts?
K: I would see them, and believe that they see me.
S: And last thing, the most important of all.
K: um... I know ,,(she said ...all exited), I would see myself..
S: Exactly, and in fact that's truly what you have been talking about all along without fully knowing it. Because, who else can Your potential?, who else can see what YOU have to offer?, who else can truly know YOU?......only YOU can do that. That's why it sounded insane to say << i want them to see my potential , to see what IS NOT>> . Only You can see that, all those potential future selves, only YOU know them, we do not. So , say it.
K: I want me to see my potential, I want me to know myself, I want me to truly see me.    ( she said proudly).
S: Now, it makes sense.
S: And to go one step further, you see the things you would say to yourself when you believed that they did not see you; why can't you see me? , why won't you look at me? , why won't you know me? .....there again you are talking about Yourself , nobody else, not really " them". And you were lonely, because nobody was there ; "here" in YOU, now YOU are back, here.
K:   [.....] ( she is speechless, a sense of amazement can be seen in her eyes...).
K: I can't believe that i have believed that my friends were the problem all this time, i feel like an idiot.
S: Don't beat yourself up about it, do you yell at the kid when he breaks something? , not really , he doesn't know any better, you don't stay mad at him. Cut yourself some slack.
S: Okay, next, you need them to try to know you, to love you . Is it true?
K: No, I can already see the turn around here, i need to love myself, to try to know myself.

S: And on that token, people usually have those kind of thoughts when they are not truly  being themselves, or doing what they love....etc...
S: What is it that you are denying to Yourself?
K: I like being popular and all, I'm exhausted to have to go to all those stupid parties, to have to shop all the time, to never have an intelligent conversation with my friends, to only talk about parties, clothes and stupid boys. I want to talk about art from time to time, I want to have simple easy conversation with a laid back guy for a change, not an arrogant prick, I want to be able to go out without make up, or new clothes, i just want to relax...to be....to breathe.
S: Well, do that.
K: But i can't because if i do that, i am afraid that i will lose my friends.
S: Okay, let's question that. If you become more YOU , you will lose your friends? Is it true?
K: I don't know...but it probably is.
S: Okay , how do you react when you believe that you will lose your friends?...what do you see ( picture)?
K: I see myself , alone , isolated.....depressed , lonely.
S: And i would you see yourself if you didn't believe that ?
K: At peace, being myself.
S: Great. The thing is you might or might not lose none, some or all of your friends. I don't know, but what you don't get is that if you lose some , you will actually want to lose them.
Part of making friends is having something in common. So, the ones who have the same interest as you will continue to be great friends , while other will simply slowly fade away.
It is not that they are "bad friends" or you were never friends, not at all, you simply enjoy different things and grow apart. You might not know it yet, but after high school you probably won't be able to stay friends with all the friends you have now., again not because you don't care, but simply your lives will take different paths the common trunk will be gone. You will lose some friends, or simply not be as connected anymore but you will make new ones or connect with new people. you can not  "not be Yourself" because for fear of loneliness, or lost, anyway the only constant in the universe is Change. So, there is no way out of it, so why wasting time not being Yourself since Life is going to happen anyway.

K: I guess, so ....thank you.....thank you so much.
S: You are welcome...




Peace and Love and Thank you for the support.

A conversation with an outsider in high school. (16 year old boy)( a creative guy).

 His name is Ryan ,and I'm Stephane as always.




S: Okay, bob my man, what's up?.


R: I am sad, angry, frustrated because i am an outsider.
I  want them to see me, to notice me, to appreciate me, to like me.
I need them to get to know me, i need them to connect with me, i need them to trust me.
They should talk to me more often, they should hang out with me more often.
I think it is such a shame that they do not connect with me, they don't know what they are missing, i got so much to offer to the world.
(he has tears in his eyes, wipe them off and sighs)


S: Okay, Ryan ready?..let's do this. You are sad, angry, frustrated because you are an outsider . Is it true?
R: Yes
S: Can you absolutely know that, Ryan?
(he is slightly taken back by the question, he looks unsure...and says)
R: Yes (almost doubting himself).
S: It's okay, Ryan  i'm not trying to get a specific answer out of you, there is no right or wrong answer, just what you believe, so YES is just fine.
So, How do you react (what do you do) when you believe that?
R: I try to get with in << in crowd>>
S: and as it's not working, what happen next ?
R: i get frustrated, angry.
S: And then what happens?
R: I feel low, small, exhausted.
S: Then what?
R: I don't know.
S: What do you say to yourself?
R: um, i see ( he says while smiling and raising his eyebrows ) i beat myself up.
S: What exactly do you say to yourself?
R: That i'm not good enough, that i will always be alone, that i will always be unnoticed, that my life doesn't matter,(as he is saying that, tears stream down his eyes, yet at the very same time he has a subtle smile as if fully becoming aware of what he has been thinking this entire time), that i don't exist, that i'm invisible, that if i was to die tomorrow nobody will even know, that nobody will even care.


S: I see that you are smiling, that's good, you have had a glimpse that it is not that real, didn't you?
R: Yes, i did, it was as if i was looking down on myself saying those things, just feeling, or knowing that it wasn't true , especially when i said << my life doesn't matter>> , it just didn't feel true at all,  for the invisible thing i don't know ( he says smiling ), but my life doesn't matter or i don't exist , it is so not true.
 ( he is slightly upbeat, smiling a bit more..)
S: Okay, Ryan good job, so , after  you beat yourself up , what do you do next?
R: I don't know.
S: well , you have to prove all those things your mind said, wrong , so what do you do?
R: ah , i see...i try again, even harder this time, try again to get with the << in crowd>> again.
S: So, Ryan what we have just done, is a cycle, now think about it, << you are sad, frustrated, angry because you an outsider ? >> Is it true?
( he smiles..)
R: Seriously, I don't know anymore.
S: What frustrating is that cycle: trying ,then nothing, get angry because nothing happened then beating yourself up (which make you sad), then back to trying again... , That is frustrating, i even feel exhausted form just saying that. ( we both laugh ).
S: How would you react if you didn't do all that anymore, picture your life not believing all that, what do you see?
( He relaxes, let his shoulders fall, he falls back on himself, his face lights up, and he has the biggest smile ).
R: Wow, so free, it's like a weight has been taken off my shoulders, i can fly ( he laughs at himself ) did I just say, i can fly? who am I, a girl?
S: Yes, you did say it, and no, you are not a girl.
R: But, i feel like i have failed.
S: Yes, you have, ( he raises his eyebrows, he is shocked that i just said that lol ), you have failed trying to be somebody you are not and succeeded being Yourself, Congratulations.( he smiles).


R: I have never seen it like that before.
S: I know, that's why you suffered before. And in fact, to go one step further, ultimately there is no "in" and " out" crowd. For instance do you actually like sports?
R: No, I don't.
S: See, so, they are doing you a favor by not inviting you no need to try to love sports because they do, you will simply be bored pretty soon and miserable anyway, you will experience some level of fake, superficial happiness but you won't actually be fulfilled.You can only do that by doing what "YOU" love, not what "they" love. Which Life are you living "yours" or "theirs". And as you are on "out" of their circle , they are on the "out" of your circle. Ultimately there is no "in" and "out" , just different paths, the concept only arise when you believe that your path is not as good and you should be on a different path. Otherwise, you have yours and they have theirs, no "in" , no "out".
S: Okay, Ryan, next one,  You want them to see you, to notice you, to appreciate you? Is it true? ( he ponders....)
R: I guess No. i don't .
S: turn that around for me , Ryan.
R: I want to see them , to notice them , to appreciate them.
S: Yes, instead of seeing them as those mean, indifferent people who do not like you, you see them as people who want to talk about things they like, hang around people who like the same things just like you, they are not mean nor cold-hearted people.
R: Yes, i can see that, Now.
S: But there is one more turn around, actually the most important one.
R: I don't see it. ( he said with a blank stare in his eyes, as if saying i really don't know)
S: Well, the one on Yourself.
R: um, ( he uttered under his breath ) i get it, I want me to appreciate me, I want me to notice me, I want me to see me.
S: Yes, and that's probably the most important one. Do you know the Beauty of  being "a so-called outsider"? .., is that you have nobody to follow , except YOU. When you are in what you call the "in crowd" you have "the pack mentality", 2, 3 people are going somewhere we all have to go, even if 1 or 2 don't especially want to , they will usually go anyway. Well, by being "out", you can ask Yourself , what do I want to do?, what do I love to talk about? , what do I love doing? , what is it that makes me happy? , and as you answer those questions you are becoming more and more Yourself , you have the chance to know Yourself faster than the others and don't worry by doing what You love doing, along the way you will find people who love doing the same thing , you won't be alone, but You have to start, you don't wait on others, You start.
( he has tears of Joy..., he is quiet , enjoying the moment).


R: I feel like for the first time in a while  i am alive, i am living, i am excited about tomorrow, and the next day and the next day.
S: Of course, to use your own words, before " you didn't exist", you existed in somebody else' shoes, in somebody Else's  Life which you can not do anyway. So nobody was here,now in You and nobody was there in them, You were just Lost, no wonder you felt Lonely , you were not here? ...Welcome back...We ( You and I ) missed you, and please don't leave us again, okay?
( He smiles, he is still, calm, there is a sense of AWE in his eyes, similar to what you will see in a baby's eyes, as if he is rediscovering the world for the first time again ...)


(we spend 2 minutes in pure silence, then he suddenly start to get riled up..and start writing  ..i right away know that it has to be some kind of thoughts/emotions that he has repressed all this time and now that we have opened the door, it's going to flow out in order to free him of course, so i simply stay silent, present, and just allow him to experience what he has to experience, to release it all).


R: I'm pathetic, alone, afraid to talk to girls, and can't get any pussy no matter how much i try i won't get anything because i'm not cool, but it's not true i got game, i can get any women i want, i simply choose not to, they are all fake anyway,i don't have the time for them, i'm so busy, i got so much to do, so much to take care of before i think of them, anyway every time i talk to them i can't click with them, nobody understand me, they are all not attracted to me, they all reject me, they all look away, and laugh at me, humiliate me, and take me for a joke, they don't respect me, so i don't respect them either, i don't want them, they don't know they are missing a catch, i'm handsome, i'm intelligent, rich and i will be known all over the world. I mean it would be stupid not to be with me, but that's what they are they are all stupid. But once, I'm powerful and known everywhere they will come to me, but i will only use them and disregard them them like the bitches they are like they did to me, being totally indifferent, dismiss me, laughing at me...
I can't take it , i can't take it, I can't take it, I can't take it anymore, i just can't take it anymore......why don't you care?, why don't you love me? , why can't you become more friendly? , why do you have to be so cold? , why do you have to be so indifferent?, why do you have to be so fake? , why do you have to be so dead inside? ,  why can't you be real? , why can't you be loving? , why can't you be more caring? , why can't you be more compassionate?, why can't you be more understanding?. You simply don't allow me to live in this world, I can't express myself, there is just constant pain, constant suffering, constant isolation, constant separation ,people don't  talk to each other, they don't truly talk, every body is just so lonely, so isolated...where is the love? , where is the love? where is the love? ,(his body feels heavy he can barely hold on to the pen, can barely write, he is taking deep breaths, he has slowed himself  way down he is about to let go) where .....is ....the love?, i ....can't ....breathe, ( he is gasping for air )... can't...breathe, i can't brea....the,,, i'm exhausted , i'm ...so.....exhausted, i give up , it's Over...  ( he stops, his body is slightly shaking, he is breathing deeply, decompressing, and smiling at the same time, happy to have release all those pent up thoughts/emotions , i give him a minute ).


S: It's all out , good for you, you are free,how you feeling.
R: Exhausted, I don't even fully know everything i wrote, my mind was going 100 miles an hour, i didn't even know i had all this in me.
S: Yes, most people don't, and because they don't observe their minds, don't truly say what they mean, so much stuff get " pushed under the rug", and then one day, "out  of nowhere" as others would see it , they snap , that's how we get shooting at school and things of that kind. Now, you know what to do, keep your mind in check, question it as you go along. And on that note, read what you said after and question it, i know you don't believe it anymore that's why it's out of you but be aware of it, look at i. See, how for instance from feeling small you react and say that you " hate them" or you don't want them when you truly want to, extract some substance from it all, and evolve.


R: Yes, I will.
S: It's nice to have met "YOU" (lol)...
R: You too, and thank you.
S: Don't mention it , can you do something for me?
R: Yes, what?.
S: Keep questioning, when tomorrow something new happens again as it probably will, because that's Life, shit happens, question it, all right.. , and introduce it to your friends, tell them it is as cool as talking about girls, even better. ( he smiles...)
R: I definitely will, that  i will.
S: Thanks.






Peace and love and thank you for your support.

Conversation with a teenage boy ( 14 years old)

The young man is called Mark ,,,,I'm Stephane  as always.

S: Okay , Mark let's hear it.

Mark(M): I can't look at my face because i am ugly , I'm sad, disappointed because my body betrayed me, it is all sweaty and smelly and my face is dry and oily and bumpy.

I want it to be healthy, look great , clear, bright , look good
I need it to look good to attract girls.
It should be fit , beautiful , perfect.
It's annoying, embarrassing , unacceptable , disgusting , repulsing.

S: Okay, you can not look at your face because it is ugly. Is is true?
M: Yes
S:can you absolutely know that ?
M: Yes
S: How do you react when you believe that?
M: i feel small, insecure.
S: what else? ,as you feel small , don't you react to that?
M: I become obnoxious
S: yes, as a reaction , feel small , don't want to feel like that, i'll do something to make me feel big. then what else?
M: i don't know
S: look a bit deeper, what picture do you see?
M: i see the picture of the others looking ta me , and laughing at my face.
S: How do you react to that, as you feel humiliated?
M: i don't know , how to react.
S: what do you do? , how do you feel? , what do you want to be doing?
M: i feel small , i just want to be invisible.i just want to hide.
S: yes, you want to hide, what else do you want to do in the same line of thought/
M: i don't know, run away ..
S: exactly , run away , look away , act like it's there , hoping that it will just go away on its own.
M: Yes exactly that.
S: then, what else, what else happen mentally to you ,,some kind of pain.
M: i dont know..
S: You beat yourself up...you start to call yourself names, you tell yourself stories.
M: Yes, it is exactly.
S: open that door for me , mark , what do you say to yourself.
M: you are ugly, everybody hates you , they are all laughing at you, you are worthless, you will never get a girlfriend, you will be alone forever, you don't deserve to be loved.
S: Good , good job my man. After the << beat yourself up>> , what comes next?
M: i don't know .
S: you probably try to react to it , and prove it wrong, don't you? , how do you try to prove to yourself that you are not ugly, that you not worthless, that you can get a girlfriend etc...
M: I try to talk to girls, and if it doesn't work that day , is start to feel small again and start to feel like shit again.
S: and when it does work? what happen then?
M: i feel okay for a while, but not only do i feel paranoid but pretty soon i feel like shit again.
S: first, do you know why you feel paranoid it's because you are constantly looking for how you are still ugly , how you are still worthless , how she is going to not be your girlfriend anymore etc...because you believe what you believe regardless, that's why instead of reacting we are going to question that. But before we do that , do you know what we have just done with all the questioning?.
M: No, not really, dude.
S: Well, we have established a cycle now let's recap , so that you can see it, so that you can see what you mind does  almost automatically.
First , small insecure then react to that obnoxious, then feel shame (humiliation)(picture of everybody laughing at you), feel small,want to hide ,be invisible, want to look away, want to run away, then beat yourself up then react to that try again to prove the beat yourself up wrong , try harder and if succeed okay for a while but paranoia sets in, and pretty soon back to the beginning and if don;t succeed right back to the beginning and now believe << the beat yourself up stories >> even more because now has proofs that it is true.

S: Now, that's what your mind does, but it happens so fast, that you can never catch it.
The first step that you need to take in order to be free from a cycle is to know the cycle. It's like a movie, but now you have the play by play of your cycle, of your mind, of your movie, so now you know what next how it is going to go so when your mind starts, you can just observe it and not react to it or believe in it.
Now , we are going to question the cycle, dive into it. Okay. are you with me? you get what I'm saying.

M: Yes, I do, i really wasn't aware if the cycle, just that is truly helpful.
S: Okay, now we are going to question all the thoughts of << beat yourself up>> first.
S: Okay, you are ugly? Is it true?
M: Yes
S: how do you react( what do you see, how do you feel) when you believe that?
M: I became depressed, i become lonely, no friends, no girlfriend.
S: How would react( feel, see etc..) if you din;t believe that ?
M: I would be Free, I can just go out, can just enjoy my life.
S: Okay, now do you find any reason to keep believing that you are ugly.
M: well , yes , because i am.
S: Okay, when you felt free a while ago, did your physical appearance suddenly changed, did the acne on your face vanish?
M: No
S: so, was the feeling about your face or your mind set?
( he looks bedazzled...)
M: I guess my mind set.
S: so, do you see any reason why you have to keep believing that thought?
M: but what happens to my face.
S: it stays the same, and you go out and hang out with your friends with acne and you are going to find product to treat it. You just stop creating mental pain. Can you see the difference , now?
M: Yes.
S: Okay ,next because you have acne you will never get a girlfriend , is it true?
M: No , i have many friend who have acne and have a girlfriend.
S: Okay, good, so when you mind says that, instead of reacting you simply answer it no need to react to prove it wrong remember it is your own mind, are you fighting yourself?
Simply answer whether it comes from your mind or somebody else mind just answer. Cycles are perpetuating because of reactive patterns the more you react the more you feed into your own cycle. Get it?

M: Yes i actually do , and it makes lot of sense.
S: Okay, next because you have acne you are worthless . Is it true?
M: No.. i can't believe i believe that ,,it sound so stupid now , so childish
S: I know a big man like you (lol..we both laugh)
S: In fact , you did believe it before you hadn't done the cycle , so you couldn't pin point those specific thoughts which made you depressed and it happens so fast in your mind that you need paper to " slow it down" , and  truly break it down and see what is really going on.
S: Okay, because you have acne you will be alone forever? Is it true?
M: No , so not true. ( he says smiling ,exited as he is starting to believe that there is a way out)
S: how react when believe that?
M:  A darkness envelop me, i try to fight but it's so overwhelming.
S: how do you react when you don't believe that ?
M: I see the light, i'm not heavy anymore, i see so many hot girls.
S: I know, man go do your thing ( lol...)
S: Okay, next, because you have acne you don't deserve to be loved ..Is ( before i can finish he answers he can't contain his excitement ) 
M: No, so not true..
S: How do you react when you believe that?
M: I really felt like shit, like worthless.
S: and when you dont?
M: Amazing, like i can take on the world.
S: Great. Now, let's open a new door.
Because you have acne everybody is laughing at you . is it true?
M: I guess not, my friends are actually cool.

S: Yes  you start to SEE from reality not from your erroneous thinking.
how do you react when you believe they do?
M: I withdraw, i feel like i can't talk to anybody and especially not the girls.
S: yes, you have rejected yourself before they can even possibly reject you. yet at the very same time you will still try talking to them and if it does not work you will tell yourself << see , i knew it>> and use it as a proof to beat yourself up again or withdraw even more, or believe that they are all laughing at you. And if it works you will go << i can't believe it>> proving that you didn't truly believe you could in the first place and will be paranoid waiting for something to go wrong.
M: that's exactly it ... thank you
S: You are welcome, so now how would you react if you didn't believe all that?
M: I would just talk to them and then what happens, happens good or bad , doesn't matter but i won't be afraid.
S: great, No need to hide ( from within) , to run away or look away. Anyway, no matter how much you are trying not to be here , you are here and they see it. The only difference is that you are either comfortable with being here and even enjoying it or you are here but uncomfortable and not enjoying being with your friends. But guess, what the bottom line is that you are here.
M: yes, i see.
S: And let's go one step further, even if they were laughing at you  it means what << that you are ugly , worthless, will be alone forever, nobody loves you , that you deserves to not be loved>> , do you still believe that?
M: no , see , even worst case scenario , is not that bad.


S: now , that we have questions the key points , you get it.
M:Yes ,totally ( he says exited)
S: Okay, next , you want your body to be healthy, look great, clear, bright , look good.
so , your body is not all that is it true?
M: no , i don't believe that anymore.
S: so, next you need your body to be fit , prefect to attract girls. is it true?
M: no , it is not , doesn't need to be fit  perfectly , i still want that .
S: that fine , and you go for it , but not from a place of frustration, but from a place of peace accepting that it is exactly the way it should be now. Then you will try to make changes. And you know you don't need that to attract the girls, so good.

S: it's repulsing, disgusting. is it true?
M: not it is not. it's okay , it's fine , now.

S: okay , good man, all you have to do you not fall in a cycle ,but if you do you question and become aware of it. that should be enough.



Okay , Peace and Love. And thank you for the support.