I will abbreviate David with D and I( Stephane) , with S.
D: Look man , I don't have the time for your " spirituality" ( he air quoted it ...lol), meditation and all that stuff is not my thing, I've been singled for a while now and I just want to be in a new relationship now , no need to question anything . If " your inquiry" ( he did it again people,,lol,, the air quote ) can find me a girl, I'm all ears if not I don't give a damn about it.
S: All right , i totally hear ya, man, i won't teach you how to get a girl or feed you some new age bullshit about how you can attract her or whatever. But what i can do is explore with you your behavior, your mind set and you might be surprised about what you might find out, anyway what do you got to lose? nothing, we just need some paper some ink and time and we are good to go ......so what you say ?
D: Okay, why not, you are right, i got nothing lose.
S: Nice, let's do this, by the way i should probably tell you right now, it's fun but can be challenging you will have to want to know and you are going to experience couple of ego blows, that's the way to freedom, you are going to need to be honest with yourself ( I smile...in anticipation of the open heart/mind surgery that he is about to go through)
S: Okay , so you have read the docs on "the work" , on inquiry you know that there is only a couple of questions, so let's get right to it ( for everybody else http://www.thework.com/index.php)
S: You need a girlfriend Is it true?( and take that in for a sec.....truly answer that, please )
D: Yes , I do
S: Can you absolutely know that you need a girlfriend?
D: Yes, I truly believe so , i mean maybe not absolutely no, but i need one.
S: Okay, so the answer to the second question is NO...let that sink in for a sec ...No i do not absolutely need a girlfriend ...how does that feel?
D: It's like , I'm forced to step back for a sec, like my mind went << wait a minute>>, maybe i don't, like suddenly being less sure.
S: Okay, just fine, now the third question, how do you react when you believe that you need a girlfriend? , be honest with yourself..
D: What do you mean, how do I react?
S: I mean what do you do, how you feel. what do you see( pictures in your mind), what do you think about etc..
D: I see myself being alone, and depressed and everybody else is coupled up and happy, i see my ex girlfriend and she is with somebody else now and she is happy
S: okay, good , great, let's do something interesting, let's do a cycle , you will fully get it at the end of it all. So, how do you react when you see all that? ...what do you do ?
D: I go out and want to socialize, want to go talk to girls.
S: So, you react to the pictures in your mind trying to prove them wrong....
D: I guess so, I have never seen it like that, though, this is weird ...
S: Of course, you haven't ...that's why we are here, now ..so then how do you talk to those girls, try to be there mentally now, how do you conduct yourself ?
D: I'm too hasty, I'm desperate, I don't take the time to connect with them, i only care about getting to the goal....
S: Yes, exactly, you forget to enjoy the present moment, the now, because you are set on "i just need to get a girl" that you lose all awareness. Then, what, what do you see?. what usually happens?
D: They usually dismiss me, then after that happening way too much i get even more desperate and beat myself up and try to be somebody i am not and use stupid lines etc...
S: Yes, you do, which naturally only push them away even more, and the entire time you think maybe if i just try a bit harder or if i just try something else, it might work, but it won't, you know why?
D: yes, because even if "succeed" ( he air quotes..) by being fake, it's stupid. I'll get a one night stand but no relationship since she does not really know me and i want a relationship.
S:Exactly ....you got it ....now How would you be if you did not believe the first thought << i need a girlfriend>>.
D: I would be myself, i won't be doing that stupid cycle , reacting then desperate, then fake then hate myself because i hate being fake which just bring me more desperation...i would simply be relaxed, me, chilled. and i'll connect with a girl or not, less trying like i always do ...just naturally happens....fuck this shit actually works ,,,,this is weird, i wasn't even fully aware of that cycle, the room just got brighter, like seriously.
S: I know, this shit actually works ( lol,, i say sarcastically), that's why i asked you to try it. You see, i won't make you get a girl simply make you aware of the obstacles that you let your own mind put in front of you, that's all, when that's gone everything else flows by itself naturally.
And actually, I would advice you to go couple of steps deeper ...
first of all......I see myself alone and depressed and everybody else is coupled up and happy ...i would question that ... in the sense of << i am alone means i am depressed .>> is it true?
Open that door, and see if there is a cycle there too, because technically being alone does not mean being depressed , it's simply being alone when you let your mind attach the depressed concept to it, you experience being depressed.
Next everybody is coupled up and happy ,, Is it true? , people in relationship are happy? Is it true? .....I mean , you can count how many are not .(..lol) , so again , when you let your mind believe general untrue statements like that, you suffer, you experience not being happy again, since you are not in a relationship.
The next one, because your ex is with somebody else she is happy << IS it true? >> how do you know that ?..
Or Because your ex is in a new relationship you need to be in one too << Is it true? >>
I mean, you feel you have to compete? ...again, see how you react there, not making your own choice but << following the crowd >> so to speak ..
And actually most people do that, and they actually think that they are in a new relationship but they are not, mentally speaking they are still in the previous one, and then they wonder why nothing truly change it's alex, katy, sarah etc ...but the same bullshit because they haven't actually taken care of their own business first. So, first be honest with yourself, see if you still have some unfinished business with her, and put it on paper everything you want to truly say, say it and question it too so that you can learn from it, be honest, drop the ego, don't do the << man don't cry thing>> , i mean i didn't say to go weep either, dude ( lol...), but just fully feel what you are feeling. And when you will be all done, and would have truly let go so truly move on , you will naturally be in a real new relationship...got it
D: Yeah, It totally make sense actually, i didn't even see how i said << alone= depressed, relationship = happy >> , i mean , i remember great time being single , so ..it's so not true , it's subtle but deep , it just sneaked up on me, you actually right man , i will question all that..Thank you, you actually seriously helped me out, " your questioning thing " ( he air quote smiling ,as a joke this time not as a disregard like the first times...) might actually be real, man, I 'll totally do it
S: I was just happy to be of assistance, now you see why i have some problems calling it spirituality, it's because i don't want people to have the picture of a guy meditating under a tree, popping in their heads, it's different but believe me if you do a thousand of them you will be like the yogi under the tree, because you would have deconditionned your mind slowly be surely as you dissolve cycles after cycles, reactive patterns after reactive patterns etc....and see your mind getting freer and freer. See, "my spirituality" might have possibly helped you get a new girl ( soon) , i mean how cool is that .........lol....
D: Yeah that's pretty cool.
S: Okay, man, Peace out ....
Peace and Love and thank you for the support.
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