Okay, James let's talk about women ....
S: Let's explore the two opposite concept regarding women sexuality than many people hold. ( the good girl and the bag girl, or the prude and the slut ...etc..). And in general the roles that people play.
S: So, let's say you see a woman in a tight dress, cleavage showing, legs shining and you find her attractive ( I added "and" because attraction is relative , of course ), how do you talk to her, James? .
J: I find myself smiling more, I try to get her attention.
S: Do you play roles?
J: What do you mean?
S: I mean how do you try to get her attention?
J: I see, yeah my voice pattern changes, I try to sound great, I act cool, I give her an intense look, before I go talk to her.
S: Okay, and when you talk to her, how do you talk to her, where is your mind at?..
J: I see where this is going, ( he laughs ..), yes my mind is on sex .
S: So, as you objectify her, do you respect her?
J: Not as much.
S: Okay, then when she rejects your advances...do you call her names (mentally) ?
J: yeah, sometimes ....I mean, I don't mean to... but yes I do.
S: That's fine, don't feel sorry I'm not judging, I'm just trying to make you aware of something.
S: Okay, so first you see the roles you were playing right, the voice, the acting etc...Let's start there. When you play those roles you attract women? Is it true?
J: I don't know... I have never questioned it before...
S: Well, now is your chance, playing those roles help you attract women ...Is it true?
J: I guess not.
S: How do you react when after playing your roles, it doesn't work out?
J: I call her names.....
S: See, it's as if you had a mental script, when I do this ....that is supposed to happen , and when the outcome does not match your expectation ..you are not happy about it.
J: Yeah , I see what you mean.
S: Now try to for a second to picture the interaction without the roles.
J: It is more genuine.
S: Yes, exactly. So, practically speaking, the very roles you play prevent you from having a genuine conversation, can you see that?.
J: That's weird, but yes I see that.
S: Okay, next why do you call her names when your advances do not match up your expectations.
J: Well, she is wearing those revealing clothes, and now she is saying No ? , what's that? ..a tease.
S: Okay, women who are wearing revealing clothes only think about sex? Is it true?
J: No, it's not.
S: See, the mental assumption. Moreover, you treat her with less respect. Now how would you treat her if you didn't conceptualize her?.
J: I guess, more genuinely, a bit like every body else.
S: Yes, exactly, and it turns out that by respected people they react favorably to you, I'm just saying.....you know I have heard ...lol...So, by not trying to get her so much you might actually get her, how funny is that ..lol.... but of course , don't turn that into a new concept , meaning " role": " I'm going to act like I don't want her " , if you want, want, just pay attention to your concepts.
S: So, what would be the opposite?
J: Well, I guess the girl who is prude like.
S: Okay, how do you talk to her?
J: I don't fully pay attention to her, I'm inconsiderate, indifferent.
S: Yes, how would you be if you didn't conceptualize her?
J: I guess, I would pay more attention to her.
S: Yes, no more indifference, and full attention, is Presence, is the first sign of LOVE. If people were a bit less indifferent in the world, we will all benefit. You don't have to want her to just pay attention to her...BE Present with people... And finally what you forget is that, she is also a sexual being... When you stop putting people in boxes(concepts) you start to be see them as whole ... The girl who reveals her body do not always think of sex, she can also talk about books, and the girl who like her books, do not always think of school she can also talk about sex.
I would always find it funny when people would go " him" or " her", had sex really, as if they didn't categorize them as sexual human beings, it wasn't "their box". and vice versa when hearing that a person they consider attractive do not have sex all the time, they are also shocked. Step away from the boxes.
Peace and Love and thank you for the support.
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