This happened the next day, it follows the previous one. ( john has some left over questioning coming from the pain he felt when his girlfriend cheated ). This time , it's the trust mainly. This time he is more aware of his motives.
J: I don't know but i can't let go of the deception thing. She can't be trusted, she is untrustworthy , that can not be forgiven that can not be let go of, i want her to beg to get my trust, not to forgive but to rebuild a relationship with me, i want her to want to be trusted again, i just want her to realize that she lost something great, a great bond(trust) and that she will never find anything like that again. I can't let go.
S:You can't let go Is it true?
( I become present, and let him be, as he is pasting back and forth, i am just sitting on a chair watching him in silence).
J: No , it is not. But i just want her to rebuild a relationship with me, so by begging for my trust using guilt to guilt her into begging for my trust again. I want her to want to be trusted, she should think about what she has destroyed i can't believe she would just hang out and act like nothing is wrong, like nothing happened, like it's okay, like she doesn't have to do anything, that she doesn't have to repair what he is broken. I can't just let it all go, can't just forgive and take her back , just can't , just can't because she hasn't truly said sorry hasn't fully recognize that she hurt me, that she destroyed our deep bond. It doesn't matter to her, she's cold, she's heartless, she should have shown that she cared more, that she gets it, that she is sorry to lose me. I hope that when i see her she still has some residue of pain in her, not of wanting me , but of hating herself and feeling bad feeling ashamed guilty for what she did, not fully gone.
( He finally stopped, he sat down, exhausted, in complete surrender and said)
I just want to be free now , happy now,,, i'm done , it's over i'm tired of fighting. I trust her. And then he said, my heart opened and for the first time in 3years i actually feel connected to her again, i feel the connection i felt at the beginning of our relationship 5years again. It's amazing it's like time hasn't passed it feels as strong as as the beginning.
S: Yes, you reconnected NOW, you will read what you were saying, the entire time you talking about Yourself not her, you were the one not trying to reconnect not her, so on an intuitive level she must have realized that instead on waiting for "her", to connect, all you had to do is do it yourself. Show that you care more etc....it's all YOU.
J: Yes, thank you , i am truly done , NOW.
Peace and Love and thank you for the support.
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