A conversation with a mother about her teenage daughter.

Her name is Pamela.

S: So, Pamela what's in your mind.
P: My teenage daughter asked me about sex, about my first time, and I didn't and still don't know what to say.
S: Well, here is a thought, why don't you try the truth? ....( we both laugh ...)

P: Well, I don't want to tell her that my first time wasn't great at all, I want to tell her that it was special, magical and all that good stuff.
S: Why do you feel the need to say that?.
P: Because, I guess I want her to believe in Love.
S: Okay, If you tell her that having sex for the time wasn't that special for you ....she is not going to believe in Love anymore ..Is it true?..
P: I guess...Not..., It's not true....( she says hesitantly ..)
P: So, I should just say that?...
S: I don't see any reason why not.
P: I feel like if I say that, I would be setting bad example for her.
S: In what sense?
P: Well, I wasn't in love and I had sex.
S: Okay, the question is not << were you in love when you had sex ?>> , the question is << how was it?>> . However, Let's say that she asks if you were in Love.
S: You answer. So, people who are not in Love and have sex are bad examples ? Is it true?
P: No, but I don't want my daughter to be one of them.
S: Okay, but, what I have seen so far by observing Life is that, people make their own choices. She will make her own choice, anyway... The only difference is that  if you are honest with her and she sense it she will keep you in the loop, otherwise you will be out of it.
P: That's True, teenagers always do their own thing. But still, isn't the job of the parent to set high expectations, to be a model. I mean, would you be that honest with your kids, especially a girl.

S: You see the problem with the expectation thing is that, every time people don't meet them, they beat themselves up or hide it from you. I'm not advocating teenage sex by any means, all I'm saying is that personally I would be honest with my children. I would make them question  the two conventional stories usually surrounding sex and teenage girl. The first one, << it's going to be so special, so magical ..so perfect ...etc..>>. When in truth, your first time is usually less than glamorous and sometimes she is crying the entire time, she will actually enjoy it more on subsequent experiences. That's just the truth.
Now, the second one would be << it's no big deal>> , that's also not true , that mind-set leads to diseases, promiscuity ..and actually less feeling of connection with each other...  So, welcome to freedom , beyond the opposites you find the middle path. Those feelings of " specialness, magic" comes from being in Love and connecting physically (sex), not just sex itself. Therefore, be in love and have sex and you might or might not feel the magic.  That's what I would tell my daughter if I ever have one, REALITY....I'm free, I love Reality., not politically correct, preconceived, scripted answers ...I wouldn't  want them( my children) to live in a movie ( the dream world ) , I would want them to live in Reality.

P: That's very  accurate, I think I can say that ....Thanks ...
S: You are welcome.


Peace and Love and thank you for the support.