Dan: I am exhausted to wait and see everybody else lives go by, and I am standing still, I want to live too, I want to be happy too, I'm so exhausted of it all, when is it my turn, when can I be happy too, when can I have pictures to show others of what I have done, when do I get to go out and have a nice meal with my friends, when do I get to go out and meet a nice girl, when do I get to travel the world. I feel so trapped, I feel so exhausted, It's like Life has cursed me, why so much pain, why so much suffering, why so much, what did I do wrong? , Am I being punished?, what did I do wrong? and how can I fix it? how can I make it stop?, what do I have to do?. I feel so stuck, so exhausted, don't I deserve a break too, a break from all that suffering, a break from all that pain...don't I deserve to be happy, don't I deserve to be loved and to love back ....why me?, why?.
S: Okay, Dan, let's talk about that. Okay, every body else lives are going by and yours is not. Is it true?
D: Yes, it is.
S: What do you see when you believe that?, all the things I wanted to do that I am not doing and that I wonder if I will ever get to do.
S: So, you are seeing all those possibles Realities, are those dreams?
D: Not really just things I could be doing.
S: Okay, your mind shows you all those options that you were not even invested in before, Correct?
D: Yes, that's correct.
S: So, your mind shows you everything that is << NOT>> , that you don't even especially want to be but << could be>> .
D: That sounds weird, but yes.
S: If I let my mind do that, I would be an astronaut, an heavy weight boxer, and an NBA player.
(He laughs... . . . first laugh /smile of the evening ..)
D: Okay, I get the point.
S: So, instead of living in the world of could be, let's live in the world of what IS.
Now, how would you react if you didn't believe that.
D: I don't know ... I really don't know.
S: That's okay, but can you see that you suddenly spending less time feeding into your own sadness.
D: Yes, I can see that.
S: Now, Everybody else lives is going on, when yours is standing still. Is it true?
D: I still believe that's true.
S: Okay, do you take your meds every day, do you try to get better every day ?
D: Yes, I do.
S: So, your problem is that you are believing that you shouldn't be living YOUR Life, then. Because your live is the Life of somebody who has an illness for NOW at least. And as somebody who has an illness you are living your Life. You think you should be living somebody else life?
D: No, so what you mean is that I should just accept it.
S: Accept what?
D: Being sick.
S: Do you have an illness? , yes or no.
D: Yes, I do.
S: For me it wasn't even a question , what IS , IS. Now, let's live the Life of somebody who has an illness fully. Not the Life of somebody who does not. Let other people lives alone.
D: I get that, but I can't help to want that. And I feel that it is even healthy, the fact that I want to live again, is pushing me to heal.
S: Okay, so it is healthy to suffer (mentally), is that what you are saying, every time you want what IS not , you suffer, like you are right now.
D: No, it is not healthy to suffer. But I feel like if I don't want it I won't heal.
S: You need to push your body to heal. Is It true? .... when you were young and you cut yourself you had to want to heal before you actually healed?
D: No, it would just happen.
S: So, you need to want to heal? Is it true?
D: No, but I would feel like if I don't, it's like I don't want to heal.
S: The mind loves the opposite I want or I don't want, let me show you the neutrality, the middle path which is in fact above the opposites themselves. When you didn't want or push your body to heal when you were young , it meant that you didn't want to heal and your body didn't actually heal . Is that true?
D: No, it is not.
S: Of course, it is not, your body has its own intelligence, health is its natural state and it is always trying to get to it. Sometimes it actually need you to just get "out of the way".
D: Okay, I get that.
S: So, you need to be( mentally) in other people lives to help you heal ? Is it true?
D: No. It is not.
S: And actually your body needs YOU Here , instead of being somewhere else. So, that very wanting ( living their lives..)is distracting you from what you really want, NOW, heal.
D: Okay, that make sense.
S: Okay, next I want to live too, so you are not living NOW. Is it true?
D: I mean NO, it is not, but you know what I mean, I mean living my life , going out etc..
S: Again, that's not living your Life, Now. It is living somebody else Life Now, your Life NOW, consist in taking your medications, doing your exercises and resting.
D: Yeah, I see what you mean.
S: So, you are not living your Life, NOW. Is it true?..
D: No, it is not.
S: And actually it is that very concept which prevent you from feeling more alive NOW. Since you assume you will be living" there", instead of NOW. LIFE is NOW.
S: Next, I want to be happy too. So, you are not happy NOW? , do you want me to tell you the secret of happiness?
D: What is it ?.
S: It is to be fully Yourself. And you know when you are the most Yourself?
D:NO.
S: When you are Present. Fully Here ( mentally ...) Not in the next moment, where you are mentally traveling the world and sending pictures to your friends, or when you are outside for a nice meal etc...not when you are in all those moment which you can't be in anyway and do not exist in Reality NOW..but simply when you are in this moment , which does exist, no matter the form of it.
D: Okay, and how long do I have to do that? be Present?
S: How long do you want to be happy for?
(he laughs.....)
D: That's a good one.
S: It simply true. lol. Or we can say, how long do you want to be fully Yourself?.
D: Forever.
S: Be Present, forever.
D: Wow, okay , then ...
S: Okay, next you feel trapped, you feel exhausted. How do you react when you believe that?
D: I try to fight back.
S: Fight (who? or what?) back
D: I don't even know.
S: That's because you are fighting yourself. You feel trapped because Life forced you here, at least physically but you keep wanting not to be here. Stop fighting Yourself, BE HERE. And you won't feel trapped nor exhausted anymore, because it is exhausting to fight yourself.
D: Yes, it is.
S: Life cursed you? Is it true?
D: I feel like it? It is like my body doesn't want to heal.
S: Okay, because your body doesn't want to heal, Life cursed you . Is it true?
D: I guess, no.
S: How do you react when you believe that?
D: I curse at God....I hate God...
S: Who else do you hate?
D: I don't know.
S: Well , if you hate God, you hate Yourself too, don't you?
D: Yes, I do.
S: How would you be if you didn't believe that Life cursed you?.
D: I guess, acceptance, no hate, a certain level of Peace.
S: Okay, and your body certainly needs that, it doesn't need you to bring more toxins, with hate anger etc....that's an ulcer in the making.
D: You are right, you are so right. ( he laughs..)
S: Next, why so much pain, why so much suffering? .....Well, the pain is because the body. The suffering is because of your mind...keep you mind clean.
D: Yes, I totally see that now.
S: Okay, next ....Life is punishing you? ....How do you react when you believe that?
D: I start to see all the things I have done wrong, all the wrongs I have done to people, and I wonder if that's that, it drives me insane.
S: Yes, and as it drives you insane, it drains you out. your body is already weak no need to take more out of it. How would you be if you didn't believe that Life is punishing you?
D: I would simply be calmer, way more calm.
S: Yes, some Peace and Quiet, always good and beneficiary for the body.
S: Okay, you are not loved, right now .. Is it true?
D: I mean, I think so, there is only me,,mainly ..the nurse comes from time to time....or I go to the hospital. But there is only me.
S: Well , Love Yourself, then. even better. Find what you like doing, music, reading a great book, it can become a time of self discovery.
D: Yeah, I can do that, anyway, if there is something I have, it's time.
S: Yes, you do....I hope you get better.
D: Thank you.
S: Just keep mind in check, no need to add suffering to the experience.
D: I can see that now.
D: Thanks, bye.
S: Bye.
Peace and Love and Thank you for the support.
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