The young man is called Mark ,,,,I'm Stephane as always.
S: Okay , Mark let's hear it.
Mark(M): I can't look at my face because i am ugly , I'm sad, disappointed because my body betrayed me, it is all sweaty and smelly and my face is dry and oily and bumpy.
I want it to be healthy, look great , clear, bright , look good
I need it to look good to attract girls.
It should be fit , beautiful , perfect.
It's annoying, embarrassing , unacceptable , disgusting , repulsing.
S: Okay, you can not look at your face because it is ugly. Is is true?
M: Yes
S:can you absolutely know that ?
M: Yes
S: How do you react when you believe that?
M: i feel small, insecure.
S: what else? ,as you feel small , don't you react to that?
M: I become obnoxious
S: yes, as a reaction , feel small , don't want to feel like that, i'll do something to make me feel big. then what else?
M: i don't know
S: look a bit deeper, what picture do you see?
M: i see the picture of the others looking ta me , and laughing at my face.
S: How do you react to that, as you feel humiliated?
M: i don't know , how to react.
S: what do you do? , how do you feel? , what do you want to be doing?
M: i feel small , i just want to be invisible.i just want to hide.
S: yes, you want to hide, what else do you want to do in the same line of thought/
M: i don't know, run away ..
S: exactly , run away , look away , act like it's there , hoping that it will just go away on its own.
M: Yes exactly that.
S: then, what else, what else happen mentally to you ,,some kind of pain.
M: i dont know..
S: You beat yourself up...you start to call yourself names, you tell yourself stories.
M: Yes, it is exactly.
S: open that door for me , mark , what do you say to yourself.
M: you are ugly, everybody hates you , they are all laughing at you, you are worthless, you will never get a girlfriend, you will be alone forever, you don't deserve to be loved.
S: Good , good job my man. After the << beat yourself up>> , what comes next?
M: i don't know .
S: you probably try to react to it , and prove it wrong, don't you? , how do you try to prove to yourself that you are not ugly, that you not worthless, that you can get a girlfriend etc...
M: I try to talk to girls, and if it doesn't work that day , is start to feel small again and start to feel like shit again.
S: and when it does work? what happen then?
M: i feel okay for a while, but not only do i feel paranoid but pretty soon i feel like shit again.
S: first, do you know why you feel paranoid it's because you are constantly looking for how you are still ugly , how you are still worthless , how she is going to not be your girlfriend anymore etc...because you believe what you believe regardless, that's why instead of reacting we are going to question that. But before we do that , do you know what we have just done with all the questioning?.
M: No, not really, dude.
S: Well, we have established a cycle now let's recap , so that you can see it, so that you can see what you mind does almost automatically.
First , small insecure then react to that obnoxious, then feel shame (humiliation)(picture of everybody laughing at you), feel small,want to hide ,be invisible, want to look away, want to run away, then beat yourself up then react to that try again to prove the beat yourself up wrong , try harder and if succeed okay for a while but paranoia sets in, and pretty soon back to the beginning and if don;t succeed right back to the beginning and now believe << the beat yourself up stories >> even more because now has proofs that it is true.
S: Now, that's what your mind does, but it happens so fast, that you can never catch it.
The first step that you need to take in order to be free from a cycle is to know the cycle. It's like a movie, but now you have the play by play of your cycle, of your mind, of your movie, so now you know what next how it is going to go so when your mind starts, you can just observe it and not react to it or believe in it.
Now , we are going to question the cycle, dive into it. Okay. are you with me? you get what I'm saying.
M: Yes, I do, i really wasn't aware if the cycle, just that is truly helpful.
S: Okay, now we are going to question all the thoughts of << beat yourself up>> first.
S: Okay, you are ugly? Is it true?
M: Yes
S: how do you react( what do you see, how do you feel) when you believe that?
M: I became depressed, i become lonely, no friends, no girlfriend.
S: How would react( feel, see etc..) if you din;t believe that ?
M: I would be Free, I can just go out, can just enjoy my life.
S: Okay, now do you find any reason to keep believing that you are ugly.
M: well , yes , because i am.
S: Okay, when you felt free a while ago, did your physical appearance suddenly changed, did the acne on your face vanish?
M: No
S: so, was the feeling about your face or your mind set?
( he looks bedazzled...)
M: I guess my mind set.
S: so, do you see any reason why you have to keep believing that thought?
M: but what happens to my face.
S: it stays the same, and you go out and hang out with your friends with acne and you are going to find product to treat it. You just stop creating mental pain. Can you see the difference , now?
M: Yes.
S: Okay ,next because you have acne you will never get a girlfriend , is it true?
M: No , i have many friend who have acne and have a girlfriend.
S: Okay, good, so when you mind says that, instead of reacting you simply answer it no need to react to prove it wrong remember it is your own mind, are you fighting yourself?
Simply answer whether it comes from your mind or somebody else mind just answer. Cycles are perpetuating because of reactive patterns the more you react the more you feed into your own cycle. Get it?
M: Yes i actually do , and it makes lot of sense.
S: Okay, next because you have acne you are worthless . Is it true?
M: No.. i can't believe i believe that ,,it sound so stupid now , so childish
S: I know a big man like you (lol..we both laugh)
S: In fact , you did believe it before you hadn't done the cycle , so you couldn't pin point those specific thoughts which made you depressed and it happens so fast in your mind that you need paper to " slow it down" , and truly break it down and see what is really going on.
S: Okay, because you have acne you will be alone forever? Is it true?
M: No , so not true. ( he says smiling ,exited as he is starting to believe that there is a way out)
S: how react when believe that?
M: A darkness envelop me, i try to fight but it's so overwhelming.
S: how do you react when you don't believe that ?
M: I see the light, i'm not heavy anymore, i see so many hot girls.
S: I know, man go do your thing ( lol...)
S: Okay, next, because you have acne you don't deserve to be loved ..Is ( before i can finish he answers he can't contain his excitement )
M: No, so not true..
S: How do you react when you believe that?
M: I really felt like shit, like worthless.
S: and when you dont?
M: Amazing, like i can take on the world.
S: Great. Now, let's open a new door.
Because you have acne everybody is laughing at you . is it true?
M: I guess not, my friends are actually cool.
S: Yes you start to SEE from reality not from your erroneous thinking.
how do you react when you believe they do?
M: I withdraw, i feel like i can't talk to anybody and especially not the girls.
S: yes, you have rejected yourself before they can even possibly reject you. yet at the very same time you will still try talking to them and if it does not work you will tell yourself << see , i knew it>> and use it as a proof to beat yourself up again or withdraw even more, or believe that they are all laughing at you. And if it works you will go << i can't believe it>> proving that you didn't truly believe you could in the first place and will be paranoid waiting for something to go wrong.
M: that's exactly it ... thank you
S: You are welcome, so now how would you react if you didn't believe all that?
M: I would just talk to them and then what happens, happens good or bad , doesn't matter but i won't be afraid.
S: great, No need to hide ( from within) , to run away or look away. Anyway, no matter how much you are trying not to be here , you are here and they see it. The only difference is that you are either comfortable with being here and even enjoying it or you are here but uncomfortable and not enjoying being with your friends. But guess, what the bottom line is that you are here.
M: yes, i see.
S: And let's go one step further, even if they were laughing at you it means what << that you are ugly , worthless, will be alone forever, nobody loves you , that you deserves to not be loved>> , do you still believe that?
M: no , see , even worst case scenario , is not that bad.
S: now , that we have questions the key points , you get it.
M:Yes ,totally ( he says exited)
S: Okay, next , you want your body to be healthy, look great, clear, bright , look good.
so , your body is not all that is it true?
M: no , i don't believe that anymore.
S: so, next you need your body to be fit , prefect to attract girls. is it true?
M: no , it is not , doesn't need to be fit perfectly , i still want that .
S: that fine , and you go for it , but not from a place of frustration, but from a place of peace accepting that it is exactly the way it should be now. Then you will try to make changes. And you know you don't need that to attract the girls, so good.
S: it's repulsing, disgusting. is it true?
M: not it is not. it's okay , it's fine , now.
S: okay , good man, all you have to do you not fall in a cycle ,but if you do you question and become aware of it. that should be enough.
Okay , Peace and Love. And thank you for the support.
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