We will call the woman Tori, her boyfriend Ron, and her stepfather Craig. And I am Stephane. We have already question the cheating it is the same as the two previous entries, just need to change << bitch , or slut , for asshole , dog etc....>> . This one focuses on the unexpected turn.
Tori( T): I am hurt by Ron(R) for not coming over today like he said he would. (2 days after he told her that he cheated).
It means he wasn't being genuine when he said that he was sorry and he doesn't care it means he lied in my face, he can't be trusted.
S: Is it true?
T: NO, and i know it's not true either but something is bothering me and i do not know what.
S:Okay, we will find it, let's just go into your reaction. How do you feel, how do you react when you believe that?
T: I feel so hurt , i see him not touching me and he stayed in the corner , why was he so at ease? , why not trying to touch me?
S:Okay, let's try something else, what did you want him to do, what did you need him to do? , what should he have done?
T: I wanted you to see the pain you put on me , i needed you to love me only not any other girl. you should have feelings for me only, you should have come to me, to say those things things you said to her or them. you should have said i love you , you should have held me , you should have stayed instead of going to work in the morning. you should have felt my pain and go through it with me. you should have begged for my forgiveness, you should have stopped lying each time i asked you questions , you should have felt guilty for humiliating me in front of your friends. I can't believe you acted as if you never had a girlfriend your friends know me.
( we already had questioned all that, and she was okay, that's how i knew it had to be about something else, something deeper and finally the flood gate opened)
I see Craig (her stepfather) (C)(Tori is 25 years old, this happened when she was 7, and she hasn't thought of it since) cheating on my mom in front of me and acting as if it doesn't matter. Why would he cheat on her doesn't he know it hurts me too. i missed him, i don't want him to , he made me happy, he was my friend, he understood me , he made me feel special why wouldn't my mom go back to him when he came back sitting in his car wanting for her to come out, i'm so mad at mom for not letting me see him again, i'm angry i lost his number. I'm angry because i didn't get to tell him that i missed him, i saw him as the dad i never had.
( her body starts to shake, she is convulsing, she can barely write, she can't stop crying, quite literaly, she can not. It is as if the tears are being yanked out of her body)
He just looked at me when he was with the other woman and said nothing and continue doing it, why wouldn't he stop, i'm sorry Craig for making fun of you at that moment, i'm sorry for baiting you out to mom. I am sorry i hurt you , why did you go? didn't you like me? , she (her mom) would have been happy, she wouldn't be so angry, she wouldn't have lost herself, she would be able to trust and love, you would stop her from hurting me and hurting herself. I would have never went through the humiliation of sitting outside and having to leave home in my teen years going from one home to the next. I wanted you to be there again, i wanted you to rescue me and make me smile again, i felt so broken when you never came back. I thought you would come back and stay , i trusted you, i trusted that you would come back, that you wouldn't go anywhere. I wanted you to hug me. (picture , i keep seeing Craig's face staring at me, he looks sorry but why wouldn't you stop? , why wouldn't you stop? , why wouldn't stop? why wouldn't you stop? , why wouldn't you stop? ....why? , why? , why? .....I hate you , i hate you , i hate you , i hate you ,,,,,i hate you so much for leaving , for hurting me , for hurting mom , i hate you ...
i'm so exhausted , i'm so exhausted .....I give up , I LOVE YOU CRAIG, i have missed you so much ,,, i love you.
( Her body fully relaxes , she stop convulsing, she is at ease, she is speechless, she looks at me, her eyes are filled with love, light , she is at peace, her pupils are clear and deeply dilated as light is shining through , she looks around in pure silence for about 2 minutes, and finally says)
T: Everything is so bright...
S: Well , that's what happen when the veil of your thinking is dropped , you see that the world around you is alive, and has always been, no need to take drugs , it is free.
( we sit there in pure silence for 5 minutes, then i ask her, are you ready to continue? )
T:Yes
S: Okay, i will write << he is ....>> finish the sentence for me
T: About Ron (boyfriend) or Craig?
S: Whoever, it does not matter , you will see why, at the end.
T: Okay. He is a liar, he is an asshole, he is heartless, he is a cheater, he is fake, he is abusive, he is not a man, he is not trustworthy, he is not faithful , he is dishonest, he careless, he is a joke, he is disgusting, he is an habitual liar, he is hurtful, he is not my dad, he is not my friend, he doesn't care about me, he doesn't hear me , he doesn't love me, he doesn't notice me, he doesn't take me seriously.
T: I see, now what you said that he didn't matter, you are right, those are the things i have been telling my boyfriend all those years, i have never fully understood that i was projecting everything i hadn't said to Craig onto him. He never had a chance. I wanted him to be Craig and Ron , but he can only be Ron.
(she cries as she realizes what she is been doing all these years)
T: I mean, no wonder he cheated , i wouldn't want to be around that bitch ( she says while laughing at herself ), i come home and the bitch attacks me for no reason. That's why I could never trust Ron too , from the very beginning even when everything was totally fine, i just couldn't trust him, and i finally brought him to his breaking point, i truly get it now (she says sobbing...) and i thought he was the villain, when i was the villain all along it is hard to take.
S: Forgive yourself , you didn't know any better then , now you know, it's over , now.
Peace and Love and thank you for the support.
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