S: So, Donald, talk to me.
D: I am sad, depressed because I broke up with my girlfriend, she broke my heart. I am such an idiot, I knew we were going to break up anyway. But it's okay, you can be sure it will never happen again, I won't let that happen again, I won't fall in love again, I won't fall in that trap again. They are not going to get me twice, nah....nah... no way, there is no way I will go through that again. No, sir, I'll close the gate, make sure I don't fall in love again. I will only bang them and disregard them. I don't want to be in a relationship ever again. I don't need to be in a relationship again, leave me alone, stay away, I don't need you in my life, get the fuck out of my life, get the fuck away.
I hate you, I hate you so much. I hate you for not living with me anymore, I hate you for taking my wholeness away, I hate you for taking my happiness away, I hate you for taking the sex away, I hate you for not giving a fuck, I hate you being indifferent, I hate you for leaving, I hate you for abandoning me, I hate you for not being with me, next to me, I hate you for not supporting me, for not fully acknowledging me, for not loving me the way I loved you, for not seeing what I was seeing, for not seeing how whole, complete we were together. I will never love again, I will never be in Love again because of you.
( he is slightly shaking, sweating and breathing deeply..)
S: Okay, Don .. let's do this. So, Don you were an idiot for falling in Love. Is it true?
D: Yes, I was, I had the feeling that it wasn't going to last but I did it anyway.
S: Okay, so, you are only supposed to fall in Love when it is going to last. Is it true?
D: I guess not.
S: Okay, so is it true, you were an idiot to fall in love?
D: I guess, I wasn't then.
S: Okay, How do you react when you believe that you were?
D: I shut down, I decide that it is not going to happen again, that I won't let it happen again.
S: So, you become "guarded".
D: Yes.
S: You know what people call "guarded", I call "restriction" , I call " limitation" , I call " jail". Let's play with words for a second. Guarded implies 4 walls, which implies Jail.
Personally, I like to be Free, therefore I have to "drop my guards" , drop the WALLS, so I'm out of the jail.
D: That's a very good analogy, I have never seen it like that, I just thought that I was protecting myself.
S: Of course, most people don't, they forget that they are imprisoning themselves. So, how would you react if you didn't believe that you made a mistake? , what do you see?
D: I am not in " jail" anymore, it still hurts, but I take the experience for what it was, nothing more, nothing less.
S: Exactly. So, next, you are going to make sure that it never happen again. Is it true?
D: I want to say Yes, but I see that the only way to do that is to live in JAIL and I don't want to do that.
S: So, Is it true?
D: I guess, no....but saying it...is so hard , it's like I want to have my heart broken again.
S: The mind loves the opposites, let's go beyond the polarities. Saying that it will never happen is not true. Does not mean that << it will happen, is true>>.
D: No. it is not. But it's like living in a state of uncertainties, which is uneasy.
S: Be at ease with it. Life is uncertain.
D: That's right.
S: The only thing I can tell you is that now, you will know what to do with the pain or any pain for that matter, you will question it and transmute it. Be an alchemist transmute the metal into gold, suffering into wisdom.
S: So, what do you see when you believe that you will make sure that you will never get your heart broken again?.
D: I see, myself as a vagabond, I go from girls to girls , I have fun but I never take roots.
S: Is that what you want?
D: No, it is not.
S: Now, what do you see when you don't believe that anymore, when you don't believe that you will make sure it never happens again, when you live in incertitude.
D: I see possibilities, as if I have the choice....nothing is fixed.
S: Exactly, and isn't that what it means to be Human, having a choice?. Exert it? , in the previous case as you believed your mind, you didn't have a choice.
S: So, next you won't fall in love again... you won't fall into that trap....Love is a trap Is it true?
D: No, but It felt like it.
S: How do you react when you believe that Love is a trap.
D: I become suspicious, I don't trust, I expect to be stabbed in the back.
S: And that's a sad way to live isn't it?, and exhausting too..., constantly having to look over your shoulder, Gee, that's painful.
D: yes, it is.
S: furthermore, would you want to be with somebody who is constantly suspicious, not trusting . borderline paranoid?
D: Good point, I would probably distant myself from them.
S: And how do you think the other person would take that kind of behavior?
D: I don't know...
S: Well, she will probably see it as being stabbed in the back.
( he laughed...)
D: you are actually right. I didn't even see that.
S: Yes, that's how you very behavior, your very fears create your reality, the very thing you didn't want to happen, Happens...and instead of taking that in and looking at yourself and trying to learn the lesson. People usually take that as a proof to tell Themselves how they were right. Saying see, I knew I couldn't trust her, I was right to be suspicious, which would inevitably just reinforce your walls, and by doing so forcing you to transfer from a minimum security jail to a maximum security jail. When the thing to do what the exact opposite. Not more guards, but less or preferably No guards. You see the same thing happen in the world, one person have an accident and you have thousand new laws created..and slowly but surely people are more and more restricted.
D: Okay, I can see that. But just on a side note, about the world is general, I see it happen you don't suggest that we drop even the laws we already made, or do you?
S: Well, no, I mean in some instance, some laws are just useless. But all I'm saying is, no need to add more. We will have that conversation in more depth at a later date. For now, let's go back to you heartbreak. What would you see if you didn't believe that Love was a trap?
D: I would see it as a beautiful thing, it can be dangerous too, but that's life I guess.
S: Yes, it is and again, if you enter all relationships open to learn, they are not dangerous anymore, you are not in constant fear of losing it. And on another side note, if << spells or curses>> , had any reality at all , it would that. Simply " identification with thoughts" , when believing that you will not fall in love again ..... Well, you won't. Even later on, when you deem yourself ready , you would still believe "the same thing". So, it is a good thing to catch suffering as it is happening, so you don't repress it and it becomes part of your environment, with you not understanding what's happening or why something in particular seem to never work or constantly reoccur.
S: Next, so you will only bang them and disregard them. Is it true?
D: No, not if I want a real relationship again.
S: Okay, next, you hate her for not living with you anymore. Is it true?
D: I guess, I don't truly hate her for that, I miss her.
S: Yes, that was just the ego putting itself in front saying " I can't say miss" because then she wins, I have to be angry. So meaningless....waste of time, be honest with yourself.
And actually, by fully recognizing with is true, you can start healing.
D: Yes, you are right, by just saying that, I felt a lump in my throat but also felt better, as if knowing it will be okay.
S: Yes, you can heal from what IS( your honest feelings), not from what IS NOT( the lies, the ego you put on top of it..).
S: Okay, next she took your wholeness away? Is it true?
D: Yes, I feel like it.
S: I know, most people believe that somebody else can " complete them". In truth, I am telling you, you are already complete from within, you are whole. Being in love simply remind you of being ONE. So, instead turn that around for me, on yourself.
D: I took my wholeness away ...( he said with a confused uncertain air on his face..)
S: Well, you did that, by forgetting that only you can complete you, nobody else. Or even more accurately you are already complete, whole you just need to realize it. How do you react when you believe that somebody else can take your wholeness away?
D: I deeply resent them, because now I am broken.
S: What do see when you realize that it wasn't for her or anybody to take in the first place.
D: I have a sense of " aw" , I am back to myself.
S: Yes, back in your own business mentally. Not in the next person business demanding them to complete you.
S: You hate her for taking your happiness away. Okay, she took your happiness away. Is it true?
D: Yes, she did.
S: Well, whose business is it to make you happy?
D: Hers...
S: Okay, so before you met her you didn't know happiness?
D: Well played...( he smiled ...) Okay, so It is my business to make myself happy.
S: Yes, nobody else, YOU are responsible for YOUR life. This concept that when you are in a relationship the other is suddenly responsible for your happiness is insane. It doesn't mean you don't do nice things for each other. But you don't lose yourself in the other Life, trying to please them etc.... So, what do you see when you realize that she couldn't have taken your happiness.
D: I feel a sudden sense of responsibility, there is less blame, and I look at myself more.
S: Good, back in your own business.
S: you hate her for taking the sex away. Is it true?
D: Yes, that is true.
S: Well, she hasn't taken your ability to have sex.
D: That's right, but the sex with her was great.
S: Okay, so you are mad, because you don't have sex with her anymore. How do you react when you believe that, what do you see?.
D: I see mental pictures of when we used to have sex.
S: Yes, you mentally relive it now, and actually if you have sex with somebody else you won't really have sex with the new person, but with the person in your mind. How would you be if you stepped away from those mental images a bit.
D: I would be more myself I guess.
S: Yes, and you would be able to enjoy sex with somebody else. So, turn that around for me.
D: I took sex away from me.
S: Yes, by living in those mental pictures of the past instead of living NOW.
S: Okay, she didn't give a fuck. Is it true?
D: Actually she did, she was quite considerate.
S: So, who didn't?
D: I didn't care that she did.
S: Yes, exactly. How do you see her when you see her as the person who doesn't care.
D: Mean, darkness.
S: How would you see her not believing that.
D: Just her....just her.
S: Yep, just her.
Okay , next you hate her for leaving you, you hate her for abandoning you. Okay, she abandoned you, Is it true? .
D: I guess not.
S: Yes, she simply left and you knew she was leaving. So who truly abandoned who?
D: I abandoned myself, I wasn't myself after the break up anymore.
S: Yes, Be yourself, it is your business to be yourself not hers to make you be yourself. It is nobody else business.
S: Well, the same goes for acknowledging you, seeing you etc....you are talking about yourself. Again, It is your job to be the best you can be.
D: Yeah, I see that, no need to question that, I get it.
S: Now, the last one, you will never love again because of her. Is it true?
D: No, so not true.
S: Yes, you will love again, so will she..... Life moves on.
D: Yes, it does.
D: Thanks, man.
S: No problemo....Peace out.
Peace and Love and thank you for the support.
No comments:
Post a Comment