She is out of my league.

S: Okay, James, talk to me.

J: I met a girl but she is out of my league, there is no way I could talk to that girl. She would not go out with me, she would reject me.

S:Okay, let's talk about that for a second. She is out of your league. Is it true?.
J: Yes, she totally is.
S: Can you absolutely know that?
J: Yes, totally.
S: Okay, how do you react when you believe that?
J: I feel small, I see myself as ugly..
S: Then what happens? do you react to that? ...
J: What do you mean?
S: I mean do you try not to feel small and ugly?
J: Yes, I try anyway, but I already know it is going to fail.
S: Okay , then when it fails what do you say to Yourself?
J: I don't know ....maybe I knew it.
S: Now, let's say that it would have "succeeded" , what would you have said to Yourself?
J:  I would have been exited.
S: So, something like << I can't believe it >>? , right?
J: Yeah, probably.
S: Let's go back to the case if it "fails" first. Then after it fails and you say to yourself, I knew it.  What do you say to yourself?
J: I don't know, just that I knew she was going to say No.
S: Do you tell yourself why it fails" how it is because , you are not as beautiful or in the same league or whatever?.....
J: Yes, I guess I say that.
S: Okay, so okay let's see a quick cycle here, you feel small, ugly, you react to that ( probably tell yourself something like man up, man ) then try anyway, then she says no.....you tell yourself ,see I knew this was going to happen..... Is it about right ?

J: Yeah  pretty much I guess.
S: So, you went talking to her with "the expectation of rejection", and then when your expectation will fulfilled you took the answer to justify your belief and prove to yourself that yes you were right, she is out of your league. Is that right?

J: When said like that, it looks like I was setting myself for failure.
S: Well, I only phrased what you are doing.
J: Yes, that is right.
S: Now, first do you see the insanity in that?
J: Yes. I see, I had already lost.
S: That is true. But also, every expectation is " a choice", "a want", " a wish". For instance, Instead of saying I expect to have 100 dollars next week , can't I say I (want or hope) to receive 100 dollars next week? wouldn't it make sense?
J: Yes, it would.
S: So, basically, you go talking to her wanting apparently wanting one thing, but in reality you are wanting 2 things which are totally opposite. You can not want something and it's opposite that's one of the definition of insanity.
S: So, how would you react if you didn't believe " she is out of my league"
J: I guess I would just talk to her and be myself.
S: Yes, and then she says what she says. And that's that. It doesn't go further than that. Since you didn't have an expectation, it simply is what it is.
J: I mean, I get that, but how can you not have an expectation, I mean mine wasn't right but shouldn't I expect to succeed?., that's what I want, isn't it?
S: Well, most people would say yes, but actually you want is for her to say what she is going to say. Meaning, you don't have an expectation,  the expectation is being in her business. First law of inquiry, stay in your own business. Therefore, as weird as it may sounds, you want her to say what she is going to say and you want you to say what you are going to say.

S: So, when you feel small instead of reacting, question your mind in the first place. So, because she is more attractive than you it means that you are ugly. Is it true?
J: No, It does not.
S: Exactly, that was your mind taking her image( that's being in her business), then taking your mental image, making a mental comparison and then saying ( I am not enough ) , that's how you feel small. First stay out of her business mentally , secondo because she is more attractive than you, it means you are not enough , Is it true?
J: No. That's not true.  she is simply more attractive than me, that's all. I never fully realized that I was doing the mental comparison.
S: Well, that's the only way to feel "small" , "less than", "not enough"..... So, how would you be if you didn't do mental comparison and stay in your business?
J: I wouldn't feel small, I mean I would be aware that she is cute, but that's it..I would be more myself.
S: Okay.. now let's open the next door. The second case, the other possibility. If she says Yes. You go << I can't believe it>>. Do you know what that means?
J: What?  that I am exited.
S: No, it means exactly what you said, << I can't believe it>> , it is a proof of your real belief, again show that you already had the expectation of "not succeeding". That is why you can not believe it worked.
J: Yes, that's right, I never saw it, like that.
S: Now, how would you treat her after that?, let's say she said yes, you can't believe it, now how would you treat her.
J: I would give her everything she wants.
S: So, you would try to buy her love and put her on a pedestal  !!!.
J: huh....interesting ...I have to say ...that's true, I wouldn't want her to leave, and would feel the need to do a lot so that she does not leave.
S: Exactly, to be raw, you will kiss her ass.
J: Ouch, that hurts...but yes pretty much.

S: Well, that's what happens when you put people on a pedestal. If somebody is on a pedestal somebody else has to be at the bottom of the stairs. In other word, she has to be " more than" , and you " less than". You know, every time I would find myself impressed or "look up" to somebody, or being star struck I would question what I am believing right away or right after. See, even if she would say Yes. You would still feel small. It has nothing to do with her, but all to do with your own mind. Can you see that now?

J: Yes, totally.
S: And would you like to be with somebody who is constantly kissing your ass?
J: Nah, not really, I mean at first, it's great , it's a great ego boost but pretty soon, it just gets annoying and anyway the other is never real, you feel like you can't truly connect .

S: Exactly, therefore she would dump you. See ... but of course your mind would come and say....I don't understand I did everything for her, how could she dump me? ....she is ungrateful etc...bla bla bla...and then maybe beat yourself up saying ... I knew it...I knew it was going to end....she was out of my league.....etc...bla bla bla.... ( he laughs...)
When the reason is that, she was trying to get to know YOU but never got the chance to, because you were spending too much time being fake, trying to please her ..etc....See
Being Yourself, is the only way to go, as cheesy as it sounds  JUST BE YOURSELF, is one of the greatest spiritual advice there is. We just logically demonstrated it.  As if it was a mathematical equation ...lol....that's why I love Inquiry ....I love logic.




Peace and Love and Thank you for the support.