The teaching....

Marriage.

Many mentally wait for it as some kind of mental accomplishment. When I will finally be married I will be accomplished, I will be fulfilled, I will be WHOLE, they think. But actually, you won’t, first it implies that you have spend quite some time waiting for it, therefore spent quite some time in a state of complete absence, in a state of waiting, of waiting to Live, waiting to BE, waiting to breathe. Therefore were completely inconscient. Furthermore, just the very action of ‘ waiting’ even for a short amount of time, create the viability of ‘high disappointment’. I mean just the ‘mental accumulation’ quite rarely can be fulfilled by the simple act of signing a piece of paper. If you are looking for a feeling of stability, a sense of security, or trying to be complete, you are lost  Marriage can’t give you that. But Spirit  can. I remember asking  some friends ( female mainly), why do you fantasize so much about getting married?. Except for the religious answers, I received lots of : You know when you are with someone you don’t know if they can just leave so you need to get married to make sure. If that’s why you are getting married it’s ridiculous, first of all you are taking action out of fear, not Love, not Light, not Reason; second If someone wants to leave HE/SHE WILL LEAVE, a piece of paper won’t stop him at best it’ll delay the inevitable, so instead deal with you ‘mind’ , with your thoughts, with your beliefs, you fears instead of trying to “ silence them off”, with a piece of paper, a banquet and many guests.

The other answer, I received was “ as a woman” I’ll be taken more seriously, or it’s part of my completion, or it’ll make me feel whole, complete, secure. I guess then you should probably put down on paper your concepts of what “ being a woman” is,  and dis-identify from them to some extend. Finally someone else said what about “ commitment”? . Commitment mean to “ pledge to”, can  you at ease without needed “pledges”, or do you constantly feel uneasy, itchy , irritated?. Does that mean you just come and go?, NO, that’s not what I mean, Commitment is also THE BOND you feel, if you feel it , stay there if you don’t, leave, simple as that, with or without pledge. Getting married is just fine, just question all the ‘mental noise’ you have around it.

SEDUCTION.

A very intrinsic part of the play between the polarities, between male and female is seduction. But at the very same time some religions might condemn you or have many judgments around it. In reality it’s because of its lecherous aspect. So, the solution becomes, can you try to meet the opposite sex without playing too many roles, with licking your lips, without flipping your hair, without puffing up your chest, without deepening your voice..?...etc….. without fantasizing too much, without  feeling the need to “not being Yourself” , without feeling the need to constantly impress, without being completely lost in  your desire, in your hunger, in your thirst?... The only way to do that is to lose many of the concepts you have around being MALE or being FEMALE itself. It is quite humbling and quite liberating. Can you see a woman in a small dress and not “ right away” think that she must love sex?, or she want to have sex? , or she must be great in bed … etc… IS that really true? , is that really that true?.... she might “ bad” in bed for all you know, she might be frigid… or any number of other possibilities…why do you only think of that  one possibility. Because you are lost in “ appearances” , lost in illusion. It keeps you below thinking, just being pulled by “ the way things look like”, not necessarily THE WAY THINGS ARE. Can you look at a nun and realize that she experience “ the wanting” , ‘ desire, like every body else? … In truth, I’m telling you, whether you are a nun or a whore, the only way to truly be free is to actually dis-id from “ forms” , in your head, concepts, desires, fantasies, stories, etc…. ‘that’  is the actual work. The more Being you’ll have,  the simpler you interaction will be, the more REAL, the deeper it’ll be, and the more straightforward. So if you ask me, then how should I approach someone I am interested in, I will say , Honestly, as honest as you can be. Less beating around the bush, less role playing, less fakeness, less fantasizing , less mental filth, less mental weight, less mental hidden agendas, ask and she’ll answer. Of course, I am not saying, go say : ….ME…MAN.. ME LIKE YOU…ME WANT SEX WITH YOU..(lol).

But I’m trying to say be as straightforward as honest and genuine as you can be, try to connect, then it’ll flow or it won’t, it’ll click or it won’t. If  it works great, If it doesn’t move on, don’t spend hours, days….mentally fantasizing about it. It’s foul, it’s sick. It is Over , NOW, get back HERE.

SEX.

They are 2 main components of sex, the physical and the mental aspect.  And they are deeply intrinsically linked. As for the physical aspect in reality, you will only truly feel once you have dis-identified with your mind to some extend until then you can really feel. The hunger/thirst, wanting is  too much, too powerful you are only trying to “ get it out” , “get it over with”, actually you can’t be HERE, you almost in a blacked out state, in an hypnotic state, sleep walking like, or hallucinating like. The more completely identified you are the more the less you actually feel. So, actually instead of playing roles, faking it, buying expensive lingerie, or need to have a huge dinner, or scented candles or whatever else… you need to lose all the roles, fakeness etc….suddenly sex will seem way more simple , way more straightforward, way less “ exiting” , your mind would say, “ I need her to scream” so  I can feel like a man.. you head will say… so that I can feel ..etc..

But in Reality, although it’ll seem like you are losing everything…, losing your drive, losing your manhood, or your womanhood ,actually you are not losing anything REAL,  you will be getting in what’s REAL, what’s true you might feel a deeper BOND for the first time, might truly feel for the first time. Love is literally the gap between cells, it is the distance between the atoms and the nucleus vibrating, that invisible substance is Life, is Ether, that Etheric Fluid is the bond between Hearts, if there is no space, no distance at all, no Being, if fully identified with forms you don’t feel, it’s not LOVE , it’s just Addiction, just a junkie who need his ‘fix’. So, if you want to feel, you need to “ stop wanting “ first ..(lol..) .Meaning lose some fantasizing, male/female identities, images…etc…as you’ll do, you’ll have less ‘ stuff’ in your head, more space, more Being, you will feel more, you will be more here less in your head hallucinating, playing roles, faking it, or telling yourself how great it is….congratulating yourself mentally, boasting your ego mentally etc…suddenly things become way more simple, less amazing , at least your head will say at first, but in truth it becomes less profane and more Divine, less form, more Being, less matter , more Spirit. Less 2 dead meat bodies, more Living Essence.  So, by dropping all your fantasies, stories, male/females ids that you hold so dear, your might will say that you are losing everything you won’t be a man anymore, or you won’t be a woman anymore.  But in fact, you are losing all the worthless and gaining the worthy, you are losing the meaningless and gaining the meaningful, losing the valueless and gaining valuables. And I guess to some extend your mind is right, you won’t be a man or a woman anymore, you will be an Human, meaning slightly less locked “ in your polarity box”, it’ll also help you stop seeing only male/female and almost ‘instinctively/spontaneously’, completely changing behaviors around genders, or being completely locked in very deep roles, helping you to get a little bird view, slightly above the polarities.

Example.

I want to have sex, I need to have sex, I need it so bad seriously, I want to fuck hard, I want my dick sucked, I  need to put my dick in a wet pussy, I need to put it in her mouth, I need to be sucked until I’m satisfied, I need to fuck her from behind until she comes, then recharge and go again, I want her to enjoy it so much that she never forget my name, she never wants to do it with anyone else, with nobody else, I need her to merge with t, I need to be deep inside her, I need to feel her, I need to be one with her, I need to feel her breath, I need to feel her heat, I need to feel like I’m alive, like I’m a man, I need to feel Powerful, I need to feel like a man.

To that, you will see images, and feel deep desire….continue writing, don’t censor, don’t lie, anyway not writing it or not talking about it doesn’t make it “ go away”, you are still “ thinking” it…. So it is still happening. That’s not the way you become Free, you have to Be REAL, and transmute things, work it out.

So, don’t censor write it all, it’ll literally feel like you are having a little fever, burning hot, but keep at it..over and over again…more than once, more than one time. The first time will feel unbearable and that’s fine. But keep  doing it, over and over and over again. This time, next time etc.., don’t have sex right away, don’t masturbate, just do that. Pretty soon ( more or less ), your mind will start to dis-identify from it all, you will have less and less fantasies,  you will be less Pulled, and you will feel like you can start to “ breathe” , you suffocate less, you are losing it less, more and Zen, more and more centered. More and more space in your head. Can SEE more and more, less completely HYPNOTISED, less IN TRANCE LIKE, less feeling I GOT NO CHOICE  IT HAS TO COME, less and less powerless.

But at first Mind will reply.

You can’t do that, if you do that you be a man( or a woman) anymore, you can’t just lose all that desire what is wrong with you? Etc…….

Question Each one of those thoughts…. IS IT TRUE?

If you are not fully pulled by the world you won’t be a man anymore.. is that true?

No, it is not….it just means, you will be hypnotized, less crazy , less lost. Might suddenly realize that you don’t actually need that “ expensive” watch you so truly believe you “ needed”, that in fact you only  wanted to buy in the first place because “ a beautiful woman” told you that it looked good on you, and your little ego kicked in and told you come on, man she likes you, get the watch and ask her out?....was it really true?  No it wasn’t …she was just ‘ selling” a watch…. Or if it was really true you don’t need to buy the watch to ask her out. And on and on, …you might suddenly open your eyes to lots of “ mental waste, lies, illusions’ , which come with the illusion of “ wanting” , I repeat , with the “ wanting”,  not the Having. Because you won’t actually have sex with all those women, but you need to keep telling yourself that you can, or you need to keep “ wanting” to etc….. it’s truly mental slavery, truly addiction, truly torment…can’t rest, can’t BE. But of you didn’t see that way before because you also “ enjoyed” it…it PAIN/PLEASURE. Or for women it’s more “ I want to be wanted”, not actually “I want to have sex” , it is just I need/want to be wanted, mental fantasizing and it’s part of my female ID (identity)…, then I know that I’m beautiful etc… question that ? … Is it true?....what happen if you are not wanted ? …go there and excavate those fears, and work them out, until you feel refreshed at ease, better in your own skin, in yourself.

I can guarantee you that the only thing you will lose is lots of fears, ego,  mental identities ( conditioning), male/female conditioning and roles, etc…mental density and seriousness( why serious, have you ever tried to take a drunk away from his bottle/… it is serious business…addiction is quite powerful). You will gain in Lightness, Life, Breath, Step Back, Sight, Easiness, Relaxation, Being. Because as unfortunate and  unbelievable as it seems, out of a planet of 7 Billions Minds, they are not 10 human BEING, everybody is still only Human, or to be specific half beast/half human. It’s bestiality, it is sick , it is wrong. If you were human BEING, you would know BEING, you would feel BEING. How do you get to Being?... by dis-identifying from forms, again, and again, and again.

PS:  Although, I only used sex as an example, it is the same for alcohol, drugs, and overeating. And they are usually quite linked, one bringing up the next one. For alcohol, for instance you might start thinking, just one , I just need one , I mean one can’t hurt,  I need to feel alive, I need to feel the heat, or I need to relax, I had a long day just one can’t hurt etc…. quite writing and see your mind bargaining or trying to ‘ sweet talk you into doing it. If the ‘sweet talk ‘ fail, the anger usually start ‘ who do you think you are, you are stupid, do you really think that’ll work, you are an addict for god’s sake just accept it, have your drink,  you know you want it , you need it, you are weak , you can’t live without it, you already know that so do yourself a favor and just do  it etc…if you keep going and still keep watching , writing and not Reacting to it all, your mind might switch to ‘begging, apologizing, justifying. I’m sorry you know I just wanted to relax , come on man don’t be like that, I didn’t mean to scream but you know the day was long, I need to decompress, please , come on please…..if still don’t “ buy into it”.  Your mind might return to anger again, and on and on , the same cycle. As you will go through it you might shake , like someone experiencing “ withdrawal”, stay with it and you will slowly but surely dissolve some of the ‘ thoughts-forms’  tormenting you. And don’t be too hard on yourself if the first time you don’t succeed right away and have your drink, it’s fine.  The next time do it again, as long as you are genuinely constantly “ pulling back”, something will give eventually. But once again you need to be genuine, not just say “ next time , I’ll do it’.  And finally although I only put one example, know that you have to do it over and over again, the identification is complete, it doesn’t get broken on one time.

The fall of the snake.

After having been dropping concepts for quite some time, to be specific for over 9 months non stop, constantly dissolved all the polarities my mind finally centred. And I experienced the following, marking the first shift and the beginning of the second act as I know it, the beginning of the journey from looking to Seeing, from thinking level to above thinking, from intelligence to wisdom, from searching to finding, from conjecturing to Knowing.

This was the inquiry or conversation which happened.

Mind: Who do you think you are?, you really think you can just be free,  you are a fucking a nigga, who do you think you are Jesus?.. you really think you can be egoless, you really think you can just lose your drive like that.  You won’t be a man anymore, where are your balls, how can you accept that, how can you want that, are you stupid or something?...You are not going to get any girl anymore, if you have no drive you are not going to want to get ‘some’, come on, dude, how can you be okay with that?....where is your pride, where are your balls, where is your honor?...

I: Well, I just think I am myself, I have never really seen myself as a nigga but I guess I am….what does it even truly mean..anyway….if that’s what I am that’s that then and I have decided to be free, so it shall be and finally  I need to be fully lost in “wanting”, to get girl is that true?.... No it is not…

And concerning my balls, they are between my legs and they are just fine, thank you for asking. And I didn’t know that bring completely in your ‘balls’, was what being a man was, did I  miss a meeting?....to me that’s stupidity, being brain dead, a complete meathead, just pure ignorance, I don’t care much for ignorance I prefer Wisdom. Ego will tell you where are your balls?, Spirit will tell you where is your HEART?...it has similarities but it is quite different. Indeed you could say it takes “balls” to go climb a mountain. I could rephrase it and say it takes “ HEART”.

The same way it takes “ balls” to go jump of a bridge because your friends “ dared you’, I could say it takes “ Heart” to say No., I’m not going to jump off a cliff to prove something to you all….I’m a pussy ….ah okay so be it …but once again is it true?...No it is not.

The difference between “ balls” and “ Heart” is WISDOM. But indeed both might have the feeling of ‘POWER”, BUT EGOIC POWER, is just “ that” ,,egoic…it’s where the expression “ power trip comes from”.  Ego power is usually bathed in irrationality, Heart is bathed in Reason, in Sanity, in Wisdom. The word Courage comes from  the French word “ Coeur” which means HEART. So, have lost of COURAGE, lots of Heart, lots of Spirit….not lots of balls. You will accomplish way more that way. Concerning my pride, I don’t need ego to be. That doesn’t mean I don’t recognize basic Human Decency. If I decide to not eat shit on the ground, that’s not because I am proud, it is because I t is indecent. Now, If I refuse to go scrub toilet for living and decide that I won’t be a janitor even if it is the only job available  for NOW, that’s pride, that’s ego…. I don’t need ego, but I know DECENCY.

Now about my honor, what’s honor if not ego, if not madness, if not mental identifications and justifying your insanity with ‘noble concept’,  ‘ elitist concept’, fake moral high ground, when in reality it is just  arrogance.

Whether it is back in asia men cutting their own fingers because they have dishonored the family name, or people who would rather die, commit suicide than losing their ‘name’, their reputation, their social status, their honor.

Or  back in Europe men go in a duel to defend the ‘honor’ of their women . when in fact it is just one dude who saw another dude talking to his wife and his little ego wasn’t pleased so he decided to get a gun, then embellish his madness with words like “ chivalry or defending his woman’s honor.

Or in Africa, banishing women who couldn’t reproduce, saying that they tarnished the family name, destroyed the pride and honor of the family…and on ..and on…..the examples don’t stop in all cultures, all time period, everywhere…madness being justified under honor and pride. In reality it is just ‘ego’ refusing to lose his/her/its name, reputation, social status, or whatever else he is mentally attached to, that’s all there is.  That’s not the case for me, take it all away, I couldn’t care less anymore. So, no I don’t need ‘honor’.

After that, the snake felt and ‘ wanting’ started to being dissolved, took 18hours of dissolution, 2 days. Quite painful long and unbearable, and it felt like being stabbed all over the body quite excruciating. It felt like as if you are being tattooed, those little needle stabs but for 18hours, all over the body from head to toes non stop.  Like the cuts of a surgical scalpel, like thorns.  And then extreme wanting(desire) being dissolved as well, it’ll drive you crazy. It was the disidentification, literally every cell being poked, renewed, refreshed, clean up.  The mind disidentify with body, it feels like you are being washed up, cleaned up,  renewed every cell and you realize that there is no “ world out there’, it is your whole mind, it is stone, it is like a ball, it is an energy field and even the very feeling of having a “ body” dissolves. You are sitted within your whole mind, a whole energy field, the whole ball, the whole stone, a slightly more refined stone, where you are now, your whole mind is like ‘a stone’, very rough stone, it is way too hard, or a very itchy tree, oak tree or ivy tree, it’s like you constantly have poison ivy, it is the subconscious state, everything itches, hurts, is unrefined, is rough , primitive, unpolished, it is the “beginning”…the wild ….of the dinosaurs….as you go higher there is a refinement a transmutation, your hair, your skin, every cell will change…is way more refined, everything going higher and higher, more and more sublime, lighter. And then and then will you actually feel, even the sex that you  wanted to have you will only truly feel it after the” wanting” is gone, before you were too hungry..couldn’t think straight, couldn’t feel.

The snake falling is what is called in religion “ the devil”, it is  the DIVINE ILL.  You experience  in your everyday life in what I later on called “ the back of the head”… usually experienced as guilt/shame, as feeling attacked, as feeling judged. It the “ what did you do..?”, feeling. As you did “ Wrong”. It is what is called in modern psychology your Conscience.  Conscience awakening, or Spirit Awakening means the same thing. In most people they only experience as “ guilt/shame/culpability ..if they feel it at all even.  But if you go into it, without fear and with determination. After the insults, attacks, the “ what’s wrong with you….?....it’ll transmute itself, into something way more beautiful. The guilt/shame aspect of your mind is also there to teach you, teach you what Right from Wrong, that’s what Conscience IS. Trying to bring you to the Right Way.  As the snake felt and the dissolution was happening and the transformation from half beast/half human to Human Being…. I also understood schizophrenia, hallucinations, “ seeing things’ ,bipolar disorder, in religion it is called being possessed, tormented, it is folly.  So, if you know someone who has schizophrenia, instead of only ‘dulling’ him up with a ton of drugs until he can’t think straight. Tell him to instead have a conversation with himself. And to go deep, be real, and go for all of it, no matter how dark?..., his mind is. Whether he is hearing voices telling him to go kill people or voices persecuting him or whatever the case might be. Tell him to write it down and answer if needed as I did. I have the feeling that if done constantly he can transform that “ crazy voice’ into some level of  creativity. The once mad crazy voice might after some time in constant re-education. It might be transform into some level of intuition, creativity,  a bit artistic. The same goes for those with bipolar disorder, when Extremely High they should question it and force their minds to disidentify  from all that “excitement”, it is not pleasant to do because it is ‘ enjoyable’, you don’t want to let it go but just like all drugs, the crash is coming, then you feel so completely Low, you feel like shit, you feel sick , ugly, ashamed, you are in the corner in a foetal position feeling ashamed, guilty, ugly, tormented, crying, wanting to kill yourself.  You get a little  glimpse of it in sex, when you get the “ don’t touch me”…., feel sick , ugly etc… But  this time it is time 100. Cocaine addicts experience it too. So, the only way to heal is to  lose “ both” , the extreme high and the extreme low, most just want to lose to “low” because that is clearly painful, but that’s not how it works. It is called PAIN/PLEASURE for a reason, you have to lose both aspects. So when  Super high feeling ballsy, powerful, super great etc…. you start there….

Ei: This day is going to be so great, I feel so much energy, I can do anything, yeah, I ‘m so pumped up ….let’s go rock climb, let’s etc…..Start writing it all and force yourself to pull back. This day is  going to be so great …Is It true?....how do you know that , do you have some lens telling you the future that we don’t know about?... and have you ever rock climbed.. or do you  just want to do it now… etc… try to examine your mind as much as possible after you have writing down all those “ pumped up” thoughts. You won’t enjoy it as it’ll look like you are taking away “ your fun”.. but that’s not true you are actually healing yourself.  Then do the same when you go super low….( I  hate myself, it’s all shit, I want to kill myself, if I were to die right now would anyone know, would anyone care,  it is all shit, no one/nobody loves me ..etc….)

Is that all true?....you will see that many of it is not…I mean at least your Ma’ ( mom) loves you , so technically that thought is not true. Etc..

Go like that constantly and pretty soon your mind will step back from the polarities and centered itself and you will feel some level of serenity, of Zen, of sanity , some level of well being and a natural happiness, softer calmer, not as ‘loud’.

So, in reality although you don’t know it or might not feel it, everybody is quite insane. All in a state of relative folly. As long as you are half beast/half human and you don’t Know Being, you are Insane.

But the kicker is , it not just you, nature itself is sick . It is the subconscious state, all below thinking, all before Being. All just condensed sunlight, that sun being way too “hot”. It is what condenses itself into food, into your flesh and bones. It is the beginning, you might not know it or not believe it but you are still ‘cavemen’. It is the state of being half beast/half human. I also understood puberty and menopause. It is the cycle of the “wanting”, the input and output. Just one more proof of it is not who you truly Are, before 12/13..you didn’t have as much “wanting”, and then in your 50’s /60’s, it seems to want to go away. So, teenage hood is a great time to start doing as much inquiry as you can, as the constant fantasizing will start. The night sweat, the wet dreams etc…, you see it as enjoyment but it is actually pure torment.  You are in a constant state of hallucination, constantly mentally bloated, constantly “ pumped up”, of course that “ pump’ is felt as “ Power” , so you don’t see the problem…. But It is not Power at least not Being, it is’ wanting’. It is burning  hot, it is hot lava, hot air, sulfur. It is actually exactly like trying to breathe next to a volcano. It is unbearable, painful. So the next time you say “ she is so hot”, instead of thinking that’s so great, realize that  it means she is going nuts, she can’t think straight, can’t Be, can’t breathe, can’t relax, it is being in a constant state of uneasiness, constant state of ‘ BEING HOT”. So in reality you want to be a bit more “ fresh’ , less “ hot”, less suffocating, less losing it.  For women for instance, that feeling of “ I feel fat”, “I feel bloated.”, I feel “hot” ( not sexy, but burning up, a bit feverish like, hot sunny day, uneasy, tired, irritated..) ….I feel heavy, I feel ugly, I feel like a pig, I feel like a cow, I feel gross, I feel exhausted, I feel sick, I feel disgusting etc… That is how “matter” feels like, it is just “ oil’, so, if you want to feel less like that you need to disidentify from form; and emphasis on FEEL, you might not look like that at all, you can even be very skinny and FEEL that way. The punch line is that it is also the same wanting as all your other desires, the same as “ I want to be wanted”.. that feels good for instance but it is the same as I feel bloated..etc… it is pain/pleasure you gotta lose both, can’t just want to lose one side, one aspect. For menopause or the middle age crisis for the men., instead of trying to  regain your “ hotness” , instead go with the body and allow it to have less “wanting”, actually it is the way the body is actually trying to “ heal” you, make you less, pumped up, less meathead, less hallucinating. Trying to make you wiser, you tell a teenage boy go jump off the clip as he is full of ‘ testosterone’( wanting), he goes yeah, right ,,let’s do it…. In your middle age, you’ll see that’s grotesque.

So, instead of trying to get more “ wanting”, with many pills, etc,… as cultures are telling you that you shouldn’t go through menopause or middle age, accept and enjoy nature way of trying to make you wiser. By the same token you might have thoughts like …what’s the point?..., where going?... etc…for most it is scary to start thinking that way, they get depressed, scared and go get “ a Ferrari”, so they can get their ‘wanting”, “libido” back. But instead of doing that, actually  ANSWER those questions. Meaning indeed what’s the point?... are you still wasting so much time on meaningless stuff, are still taking all your money and going spend it on ‘young people’ stuff, or would you rather spend some time with your wife and just resting a bit , Being a bit. Do you still hold a grudge against that first girlfriend or boyfriend who did X or Y to you back then?.... etc…. time to do some “ spring cleaning”. Literally your body can’t hold all that anymore, all that bitterness in your heart will manifest itself in a heart attack pretty soon, your body can’t go all night drinking and going to work in the morning full of toxins and be just fine, it’s not possible anymore. So he needs help, clean up your head a little bit.

I also understood post-mortem depression. During the pregnancy you get a rush of “energy”, once the baby is out, you might get sudden withdrawal.  And mentally you might start hating your husband, hating your child, ( you did this to me), you did this to me…etc… for most people they just start to feel ashamed, thinking how can think that of my child?.... and they  get scared of their own minds and mentally want to run away. Instead go into it and examine it, and work it out, answer, question etc…. If you do so, after a while the depression will subside on its own and you will feel a bit renewed, feel a bit fresher.

After all that dissolution happening, I experienced  a deep hunger and thirst in the pit of my stomach. But once again you unlock it your head. It is a bottomless pit, identification with hunger/thirst forms, it is what Siddharta called the cravings.  In the apocalypse it is the beasts below. And it started to curse, scream, insult once again. It felt like a deep hunger/thirst in the pit of my stomach, and you feel exhausted, dizzy a bit woozy, has the vertigo, weak in the knees; exactly like when you haven’t eaten for a while. But you can’t eat or drink it is a bottomless pit you have to dis-identify from it in your head first ( just pen and paper once again and write ), and it will curse, scream etc…exactly how you see people behaving when they are  “ starving”, they get very  “ cranky”, if you eat you won’t satisfy that hunger, if you drink you quench that thirst, at least not for long it’ll come back even stronger sometimes like an addiction. You need to lose the identification from it. It is hungry, thirsty, asleep, dark, vicious, wanting( desire), irritating( unrefined)..all at once, it is quite literally “folly”. One moment, you are hungry, the next you are thirsty, then you feel sleepy, then you feel irritated, tensed, then you want to have sex, you feel wanting, you have to release the tension then you feel low exhausted weak powerless, it is usually the cycle. It all looks like it is all different thing, but it is one ‘behavior”, it is how  matter behaves. So, you feel hunger/thirst/wanting(high) …then Low….you have to watch it all and dis-identify from it all. and then once it’ll fall  you will feel water of life. Then my molecular structure evolved from half beast/half human to human Being.

I then saw the way things are here. It is all condensed sunlight, condensed gases, whether it is the stone, the plant, the fruit. It is all the same thing.  It is all bitter/sweet, spicy (which makes it hot ). Literally dust, the ground, mud, quicksand. But it is still below being, below humane, so it Is still painful. The animals are full beast and you are all half beast/half human, as shocking as you might be you are not far from the cow, from sheeps, from monkeys…. etc…you are half beast/half human. Yet it is through the human form that the evolution can happen, need to happen. To pull everything towards  the ” Humane” state, and nature will change as well. Still cavemen, Homo Erectus, you all believe cavemen to be from 65 millions years ago and that’s true but you are still in that stage, with different level of density. Slowly moving towards the “Humane State”. You could say there is the African beast, the European beast, the Asian beast, The Latin beast etc...with slightly different level of molecular structure; different level of density. But all are not at the Human state yet. And as far fetched as it might seem the human state is over 2.2 Billion years away from most are. In other words what it usually takes the planet to transform a “stone”  into a Diamond. That’s quite far, yet doable in 5,6 years or less, even possibly “ Spontaneously” but In that case the level of pain in truly unbearable, it is agony. But it is indeed feasible. And That is Time travelling.  You want to know the future of “ a half beast/half human”, it Is to become Full HUMANE, it is to travel at least 2.2 billion years in the future in his head. How does he do that? , by gaining wisdom, by dis-identifying with forms, with thoughts over and over and over again.  In truth, there is only “ time’ at the half beast/half human state it is matter once you go higher matter dissolve. You go to at least “ water of life” first, that’s space. That’s Intelligence, matter alone is ignorance, it is gases. You need intelligence( space/water of life) to transmute “ ignorance”( matter, gases, petroleum, sulphur, hot air). If you’d like to know how “ water of lie” looks like, well it is like a fluid, an intelligent fluid, in science fiction it is  the stargate portal, it looks exactly like that. That viscous intelligent fluid, it friendly, light. That’s what “ water of Life” is. So, sorry to burst your bubble but technically you are only in a state of ignorance no matter how many Ph D you have. No water of life, No being, No intelligence. No fluidity. No true creativity. You have all learn that “ time” is linear. But in truth, it is more cyclical. You get a glimpse of it in form of “ déjà vu”,( French for already seen) like you are right back where you started, just made one round. If it was linear you would technically never past by the same point twice, ever, that’s what a Line is. But the Cosmos is cyclical not linear. More like on a circle, not a line. So it Is endless no beginning no end. It is Eternity, just HERE, Now. Now you experience “ Time” , as Eternity, Spirit Vibrating quite High, condenses itself into a level of vibration close to Zero( that’s the half beast/half human state). Then you experience “ TIME”. Another way of seeing it, would be using the mathematical equation of circular motion; w=2πF/T . w is the angular rotation, F the frequency, T the period. To not bore anyone with the math, let’s just say the W is the speed and T is the Time and F the frequency. So if W and F get higher T get smaller and smaller, so less and less time.  If the frequency or level of  Vibration rise up, Time vanishes.  That also implies that only “ half beast/half human” die.., as you go higher “ death” become obsolete.  

And to finish the experience off, I experienced an inner smile, the feeling of “ I see”, “ you got it”,  I got it …realize that the Laughing Buddha just express itself. But that wasn’t my intention, I wasn’t trying to be “a smart ass”, I was just genuinely answering the questions of my head, answering my head, that’s it. I was being “ Forrest Gump” like, and suddenly, something deeper shined through,  WISDOM expressed itself, and I acquired true knowledge in the process.  And laughing at the end, as if to say it is not that “real”, that “serious” , no matter how dark you mind gets and you feel like it’s just dark, too much, get scared yourself of your  own mind….all of it doesn’t matter, don’t back down have a little perseverance and face your mind, your beliefs , your demons, and transmute it all. If you are trying to be a smart ass ego has sneaked back in, trying to show how much you know, etc…No. Just simply clearly answer that’s it. If true, accept it, if not realize it is a lies, that’s IT.  No complicated “koan”, or “ parables”, or etc…. No just answer, quite straightforward. Later you might develop a more fluid, free flowing living breathing way. But first just keep the training wheels.